I had a client on a discovery call last week, who asked a question relating to the
confusing actions of the guy that she'd been seeing. It's a question that if you ever
find yourself asking it, it is time to run for the door, girl. You want to be getting out
of there. So in this video, I'm going to share why it's so important you're aware of this
question. Why this question comes up and why it's such an important sign that he is
Mr. Wrong. Hit the subscribe button and I'll see you right after this.
[Music playing]
So a client came to me last week for a discovery call, as she'd started seeing a guy
and was asking herself this very important question that I want to talk about today.
But before I tell you what the question is, I want to give you the situation because
it's very likely something you can relate to in your own dating life.
So this client met this guy in a tutor, university class. He was her tutor or mentor,
and they got along really well. So they started going on a couple on launch dates,
exchange numbers, et cetera, things were going great. They kiss, they're excited to
see each other things all going well for a few weeks. And then she went on a holiday.
Things were great during the holiday as well. He was texting regularly.
"Can't wait to see you when you get back, I'm excited for you to come back."
Things are very positive for the whole three weeks she's away. So by the time she gets
back, they'd been seeing each other six weeks. And the moment she gets back,
he goes kind of distant and he gets a little low or a lot slower with his texts.
He's sort of only texting once or twice a day, seems overly busy.
And it takes them nine days despite being so excited, it takes them nine days to
catch up after she gets back from this holiday. So she's thinking,
"Okay, this is a little weird. It's just this taking a dip. I'm not sure why."
And then they catch up and things are great.
"I'm excited to see you. It's so good to see you." He's all over her.
It's going really well. She goes, do you know what? I must've been overthinking it.
That's fine. Things are great again, the guy leaves and she doesn't hear from him
for another three and a half days. Three and a half days might not be weird in a
casual dating situation. Maybe you've just met someone or a booty call type thing.
When you've been talking consistently for six week period, and you have someone
who says, "I'm so glad you're back." Let's be real, three and a half days is weird.
So then, he calls her up after three and a half days acts as if nothing's happened,
and they have a great phone call, they're talking for hours, video call, things are
going really well. And she again says to herself, do you know what?
I think I'm just overthinking this. I think I'm totally just overthinking this.
And then she has a birthday and she doesn't really hear from him on her birthday.
Other than one text, he sent her a birthday text, so a little bit there, but she doesn't
really hear from him. And then the next day after her birthday, things ramp up again,
right? He's like, "Hey babe, hope you had a good day yesterday, excited to see you."
And she starts going, am I over thinking this or this weird? So things are great again,
they catch up again and straight after that, things went downhill, right?
Another three or four days without hearing from him. And that's when she comes to me,
she comes to me and she says, "Mark, I want to know what's going on with this guy.
This is very confusing. We've had a lot of good times. So we've had a great day, chat,
thing after my birthday. He seems so excited. He says all this great stuff, and then these
dips, and she asked me the question that makes my ears prick up. And that question is,
"How do I get the good side of him?" There's a, there's a moment. There's a point when you're
dating someone where you go from his problem to my problem, because think
about it, any situation you're continually exposed to, by definition, if you continue
to expose yourself to that situation, you're telling yourself, you're telling the universe
that that situation is acceptable and okay. If it was that painful, you'd get out of it.
So by definition, anything you continue to expose yourself to, you're saying that
it's okay. And so something happens in our brains when we're exposed to someone
who's avoidant or hot and cold for too long. And it's a moment I almost experienced
that I talked about in the video where I got ghosted.
It's a moment where we go from thinking what's wrong with him or her?
What is this person doing? To, how do I get the good side of this person all the time?
And that small little flip to that self question is a big problem because it's that question
that years down the line with disconnected unloving or even abusive relationships,
women start to ask themselves, how do I get the good side of him all the time?
This question is when you know it is time to run. The moment that you stop seeing
his sh*t for him and seeing what's going on with him, and make it about you and
you dancing or moving a certain way or walking on eggshells or doing whatever
it is to get the good side of him. That is when you have someone inconsistent
and someone who's not going to show up for you. So I really want you to become
aware of this question. If you can disassociate from a man's confusing
behaviors, if you can make them about him and not personalize it, then you can
stay in that situation for a little while. You can give him a chance to step up.
You can set a boundary as long as you know it's nothing to do with you.
That situation is not ruining your nervous system. But the moment you start saying,
how do I get the good side of him all the time? In other words, what do I have to do
to change and get the behavior I want? Cut that sh*t. So that is the question
you never want to find yourself asking yourself. If you do, that's a sign to run
for the hills. Hit the subscribe button with the little bell if you haven't already,
and leave your comments and questions for the Ask Mark series down below,
#AskMark, and I'll get myself or my assistant to look over all the questions and we'll
answer them for you in an Ask Mark video. Remember, comment, space below.
Don't forget to grab a copy of my book. All the secrets of modern dating are
contained in there. Again, hit that subscribe button if you haven't already with the bell,
and I'll see you in the next video very soon.