Oh, oh... shell on shell,
it’s one of the closest snail races I think I’ve ever seen in my life.
My name is Tom, and I like to challenge myself
because I want to become a legend.
Argh!
So close, yet so far.
Argh, argh.
I’m in Norfolk, England,
to meet a massive legend who needs no introduction,
Claire Lawrence, who gave up her job molding the minds of the future
to become a full-time, professional snail racer.
And I’m hoping she can help me overcome my fear of snails,
and go shell to shell with some of the fastest snails in the world.
Hi, is that Claire?
-It is, you must be Tom. -Hi.
I hear you’re a bit of a legend in the snail racing game.
I’m hoping you can show me where you find these champion snails.
We’ll have a look around and see what we can find,
and then set up a little course.
And then we can race. OK, amazing.
How did you get into snail racing?
Well, I went along to the fete at Congham,
and my little Sydney made it through to the final, and won.
And how did you physically and mentally prepare?
Well, Sydney, I took him up a local hill for some high-altitude training.
-I fed him on rocket. -Nice.
-And then-- -Rocket fuel? Or just--
Just rocket, you know? Lettuce-type rocket.
Is that meant to be good for...
-Oh, for speed? Yes, I’m sure. -Is it?
Where did you find Sydney?
He was in the garden, hiding under a stone, somewhere.
-Nice. Oh, wait. -Wait, is there one there?
That’s like a little diddy one.
That’s more of a worm, I think, than a snail.
Oh really? Oh yeah, it is.
Under here or is that...
Ooh.
Wow, look at that guy.
Look at this guy.
I’m actually terrified of this guy’s power and strength.
-I’ll get the track then, shall I? -Yeah, nice.
It’s no good having a track
because they won't go the way you expect them to go.
But if it’s a circle, at some point they will go over the finishing line.
That is a genuinely astounding amount of snails.
-Right. -They’re so tentacley.
I am actually really scared of snails, to be fair.
The way he’s moving even though it seems quite relaxed,
is actually incredibly terrifying for me
in like a weird sleep paralysis kind of dream way.
-There’s the stickers. -Yeah.
If we put one on each.
Hector Shellerin, number one.
Just in time for the main event.
Five. So if we were having one each, should I get my husband?
Yeah, we could do.
Right, number two, who’s going to be number two?
-Arthur? -Neymar.
What are you going to call him or her?
-Shelly. -Shelly.
-Steve. -Yeah.
-Number five. -David?
-What, Immy? -Yeah.
Number six, we’re going to go for Usnail Bolt here.
You’re the fastest, so that’s why you get Usnail.
Right.
We’re ready. Ready, steady, slow!
-Number three is doing well. -Shelly’s way out ahead.
Hec, man. Hec, what are you doing?
Oh, yes, Immy’s definitely heading for the line.
-He’s doing well. -Yes! Oh dear...
Immy! Oh, yes.
That was actually a lot faster then I thought it was going to be.
-Yes! -That was actually very intense.
-I think because it’s dampish weather -Right.
they’re moving quite quickly.
OK, since Hec decided to get in the middle of a threesome on this one,
we're going to go best of three.
Ready, steady, slow!
Yes, come on mate, I’m over here.
-Usnail’s off to a flying start. -Yeah, yours is doing well.
Yeah, Usnail is going well.
Hec’s only interested in the other competitors.
Three snails just want to have sex.
I think it’s between Shelly and Immy here.
These guys are just rapid.
-Right, come on. -Oh, oh.
Shell on shell,
it’s one of the closest snail races I think I’ve ever seen in my life.
-Yes, yes! -Thanks, everyone.
Hopefully, these guys will get over their sexual frustration
and actually start racing in the third race.
-Yeah, so best of three? -Yes, OK.
Ready, steady, slow!
Hec’s heading for Shelly, I think he’s going to trap him.
Usnail’s always been in the race, but he’s never won it, so...
-I think this could be his time. -Oh yes, this is the one, yes.
Oh, oh, oh. Come on.
-Yes. -That’s it.
Well done, Immy. Well done, David.
Fair play, fair play, fair play.
From one champion to another, congratulations.
So, I’m here with the two snail champions, past and present.
Fancy being beaten by my husband.
-Thanks, David. -Really nice.
-Thank you, Tom. -Thank you for your hospitality,
the snail racing legend.
I feel pretty let down by Hector Shellerin, to be honest.
I think he spent most of his time
trying to have sex with the other snails,
and not keeping his eye on the prize and trying to get out of there,
which is incredibly unprofessional.
But most of all, I’m disappointed that I couldn’t achieve legend status
at something as easy as snail racing.
And I was beaten by an old age pensioner.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that...
I still physically actually hate snails.
And so, even though I feel like I’ve overcome my fear
of competing with snails,
I definitely haven’t overcome my fear of
actually physically being around snails.
[Legend Status 21% Achieved]