.
. >>>
. >>> WELCOME BACK.
WHEN IT COMES TO RAISING KIDS
MENTAL AND PHYSICAL EXHAUSTION
IS EXPECTED RIGHT?
>> WE ALL CAN AGREE.
>> BUT NEW RESEARCH SHOWS THE
NUMBER OF PARENTS WHO ARE
EXPERIENCING MORE THAN NORMAL
STRESS IS CALLED PARENTAL
BURNOUT AND CAN HAVE LASTING
EFFECTS HERE TO WEIGH IN IS OUR
CARA KNEER AND SUMMER JACKSON
AND MAKING THE DEBUT
PSYCHIATRIST AND AUTHOR SURVAT
BHARGAVE, AKA DR. B. . SORRY
YOU DENT MEET CHESLEY IN THE
LOVE DOCTORS SEGMENT.
HAD TO THROW THAT IN CHELCEIE.
LET'S CHIME ANY LOVE TO SAY
GIVEN THE TERM IT'S NO JOKE
BURNOUT.
BURNOUT.
BURNOUT. AND SO THE EXPERTS FROM
EYESCHOOLIE TODAY DEFINITE AS
OVERWHELMING EXHAUSTION AS WE
MENTIONED.
MENTIONED. LATEST EMOTIONAL DISTANCING
FROM ONE'S CHILDREN A SENSE OF
PARENTAL INEFFECTIVENESS.
PARENTAL INEFFECTIVENESS. SO, DO YOU GUYS -- IS THIS
ANYTHING NEW?
ANYTHING NEW? HASN'T THIS ALWAYS BEEN A
STRUGGLE.
STRUGGLE.
STRUGGLE. I AM SURE OUR PARENTS WENT
THROUGH IT.
THROUGH IT. BUT YOU THINK WE ARE JUST
TALKING ABOUT IT NOW DR. B I
WILL START WITH YOU.
>> I THINK PARENTING HAS BEEN
DEMANDING.
DEMANDING. AND STRESSFUL.
AND STRESSFUL. AND THANKLESS.
AND THANKLESS. I THINK THE DIFFERENCE NOW IS
THAT MAYBE THE SCHEDULES.
SO INSTEAD OF A KID COMING HOME
AND PLAYING OUTSIDE.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM TO THE
ACTIVITY AND TUTORING AND WE
LEAVE JOBS AND I THINK THAT THE
DOWNTIME [ INAUDIBLE ]
>> NOW THERE'S MORE
EXPECTATIONS AND SCHEDULE
DEMANDS AND WE ARE BURNING OUT
MORE.
MORE.
MORE. >>
MORE. >> WE ARE.
>>U NOTES IN FRONT OF YOU.
CLEARLY THIS ARTICLE RESONATED
WITH YOU.
WITH YOU.
WITH YOU. >> IT DID.
IT DID.
IT DID.
IT DID. JUST BECAUSE WE WANT TO BE THE
BEST PARENTS WE CAN.
AND SO, SOMETIMES EVEN IN
TRYING TO BE YOU KNOW THE BEST
PARENT YOU CAN, YOU OVERDO IT.
YOU KNOW, SO ONE OF THE THINGS
AND I KNOW WE WILL GET TO THAT
ONE OF THE THINGS I BUILT IN
FROM DAY ONE WAS MY TWO GIRLS
WAS THAT, LOOK, I HAVE TO
MINIMALLY GET A MANICURE AND
PEDICURE.
PEDICURE.
PEDICURE. LINING THAT HELPS ME FEEL LIKE
ME.
ME.
ME. I
ME. I SCHEDULE THATN MY LIFE TO
HELP ME FEEL BETTER.
>> YOUR MOMMY MOMENT NIGHT SO
HE SMALL.
HE SMALL.
HE SMALL. >> AND I TAKE THOSE MOMENTS.
YOU KNOW BUT AGAIN SOMETIMES WE
CAN'T.
CAN'T.
CAN'T. BUT YEAH, IT IS SOMETHING THAT
I THINK WE ALL EXPERIENCE THAT.
THIS ARTICLE IS DEAD ON.
>> DEAD ON.
>> AND I THIS THE SPECTRUM AND
IT'S RELATIVE.
IT'S RELATIVE. SO THINGS ARE GENERATION OUR
KIDS ARE DEALING WITH ARE
DIFFERENT THAN PREVIOUS
GENERATIONS.
GENERATIONS. AND HOW OUR PARENTS DEALT WITH
CERTAIN THINGS.
CERTAIN THINGS. AND I THINK, TOO, TO SEE
COMPARISON CULTURE OF WHAT THE
PEOPLE ARE DOING ALL THIS DO I
NEED TO DO THIS TO MAKE SURE MY
KID ARE UP TO PAR WHICH IS NOT
THAT IMPORTANT BECAUSE THEIR
NEEDS ARE VERY MINIMAL.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> SOCIAL MEDIA.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> SO YOU THINK CONTRIBUTE
FACTOR IS COMPARING IT TO A
PRIOR GENERATION.
PRIOR GENERATION. SO AS MOPS, WE ARE WORK MORE.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> THAN PRIOR GENERATIONS.
SO IF WE ARE TALKING ABOUT
MOMS, DADS HAVE BURNOUT PARENT
IN GENERAL BUT FOR MOMS I THINK
IF YOU ARE WORKING AND COMING
HOME ACTUAL DEMANDS, I THINK
FOR SURE, WE ARE JUST DEPLETING
OUR ENERGY AND RESOURCE ALL THE
WAY AROUND.
WAY AROUND. AND IT'S ACTUALLY A VICIOUS
CYCLE SO MANY RESEARCH IS
SHOWING WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE
THAT BURNOUT, THAN YOU ARE MORE
LIKELY WHICH IT HIT ME TO
NEGLECT AND DETACH FROM THE
CHILD WHICH LATER TURNS INTO
GUILT WHICH MAKES YOU FEEL MORE
BURN OUT.
BURN OUT.
BURN OUT. AND I CAN SAY I MEAN IT'S LIKE
CAN MAKE YOU TARRY EYED WHEN
YOU THINK I -- AM I NEGLECTED
OR DETACHING BUT IT'S MORE
EMOTIONALLY MAYBE YOU ARE
THERE, AS YOU ARE TRYING TO DO
THEIR HOMEWORK BUT YOU ARE NOT.
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
>> RECENTLY THAT'S A GOOD
EXAMPLE.
EXAMPLE.
EXAMPLE. MY 10-YEAR-OLD WAS DOING
HOMEWORK AND THEY ARE TEACHING
MATH DIFFERENT AND I AM
THINKING DOUBLE DIGITS AND SHE
SAID MY TYPIER SAID YOU DID IT
WRONG AND I AM TRYING TO HELP
HER AND SHE IS GETTING
FRUSTRATED BECAUSE SHE LEARNED
ONE WAN AND I HAD TO WALK AWAY
I SAID WHEN IS THIS DUE?
SHE SAID NOT RIGHT NOW I SAID.
>> I NEED A MOMENT.
>> I HAVE A YOGA CLASS THAT
STARTS AT 8. AND I AM GOING TO
DO THAT.
DO THAT.
DO THAT. AND LET'S RECONVENE SO WHAT WE
DID, WE CAME BACK TO IT AND
WENT TO THE LIBRARY AND WENT
OVER IT AND WHEN IT WAS A
CALMER MOMENT WHEN SHE WAS MORE
RELAXED IN IT.
I THINK WE HAVE TO LIKE TAKE
THE MOMENTS WHEN IT'S MOMMY
MOMENT WHETHER IT'S MOMENT WITH
YOUR CHILD AND SAY LOOK, THIS
IS NOT WORK FOR US, YOU WORK
THROUGH IT AND WE WILL COME
BACK AND ADDRESS IT OR
SOMETHING.
SOMETHING. YOU HAVE TO FIND THAT FLOW FOR
YOUR HOUSE OR CHILDREN.
>> DOCTOR, SEEING THIS MORE IN
YOUR PRACTICE, MORE PEOPLE
SAYING I AM NOT COPING WELL AND
IT MAKES ME FEEL THE GUILT?
FORSURE.
FORSURE.
FORSURE. I SEE MORE IN THE OFFICE AND WE
CAN ATTEST GUILT IS PART AND
PARCEL OF PARENTING RIGHT?
AND SO EACH OF US HAS GUILT AND
I CAN TELL YOU I HAD TO WORK ON
THAT FOR MYSELF AND I HAVE
FIGURED OUT.
FIGURED OUT. THERE'S ONE PURPOSE OF GUILT.
THERE IS ONE.
ONE PURPOSE OF GUILT IS TEACH I
YOU'VE WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE
DIFFERENTLY AND I TRY TO LEARN
AND THIS IS WHERE MY
RELATIONSHIP CHANGES.
RELATIONSHIP CHANGES. WENT ARE THINKING OF GUILT AS
ANOTHER [ INAUDIBLE ] TO
GRATEFUL TAUGHT ME WHAT I NEED
TO LEARN AND SO YOU SAY THANK
YOU FOR THE GUILT AND RELEASE
IT.
IT.
IT. IF
IT. IF YOU DON'T RELEASE IT YOU ARE
CHAINED TO THE GUILT.
SO PARENTS COME IN THE OFFICE
DESCRIBING CHAINED TO GUILT.
>> AND I WILL WRITE THAT DOWN
WHEN I REWATCH THIS.
>> THAT'S SO GOOD.
AND SHAME MORE THAN GUILT.
LET'S CHANGE MORE THAN GUILT.
SOMETHING BETWEEN 2 AND 12% OF
PARENTS ARE CURRENTLY -- IS
THAT RIGHT ONLY 2 IN 12
PARENTS.
PARENTS.
PARENTS. >> I AM SORRY.
I THINK THAT SHOULD BE WAY
MORE.
MORE.
MORE. BUT
MORE. BUT THEY ARE SAYING HERE'S WHAT
TO BLAME.
TO BLAME.
TO BLAME. AND CARA YOU TOUCHED UPON IT
COMPARISON GAME THE FIRST ONE
BEING SOCIAL MEDIA.
WHAT YOU SEE FROM OTHER PEOPLE
IT'S HARD -- YOU ARE NOT THIS
WAY BUT I THINK WE CAN GET IN
ON IT A LITTLE BIT OF WANTING
TO FEEL LIKE WE -- WHAT DO YOU
THINK?
THINK?
THINK? >>
THINK? >> I THINK LIKE THE GUILT PART
TOO IS LIKE WE HAVE ALL THE --
WE LIVED OUR LIVES FORMING THE
RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE
RIGHT?
RIGHT?
RIGHT? AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP GIVES YOU
SOMETHING BACK.
SOMETHING BACK. AND YOUR KID IS NOT GIVING YOU
SOMETHING BACK YOU FEEL LIKE,
YOU ARE NOT WORTH LIKE THE
RELATIONSHIP.
RELATIONSHIP. >> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> SO, BUT IT'S SO SILLY TO
EXPECT THAT OF OUR CHILDREN
BECAUSE THEY DON'T -- THEY
HAVEN'T LIVED THE LIVES WE LIVE
AND DON'T KNOW EBB SPEC STATION
OF A WHAT A RELATIONSHIP IS.
I DON'T KNOW IF THAT MAKES
SENSE BUT YOU KNOW SO IT'S OKAY
TO HAVE THESE EMOTIONS WHEN
KIDS ARE NOT FULFILLING US.
>> ETHEY DON'T HAVE THE
CAPACITY.
CAPACITY.
CAPACITY. >> YEAH.
>> YEAH.
>> YEAH. >> I THINK IN TERMS OF THE
SOCIAL MEDIA, THE GOAL I HAD TO
DEAL WITH TRYING TO BE PERFECT
IN EVERY ROLE I PLAYED IN REAL
LIFE IS NOT COMFORTABLE SO
SOCIAL MEDIA HAS YOU BELIEVE IT
IS.
IS.
IS. I
IS. I THINK WE HAVE TO PUSH SOCIAL
MEDIA IN THE SPER RIGHT
PERSPECTIVE.
PERSPECTIVE. I LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT BEFORE
WE GO TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE AND
THEY ARE ACROSS THE TABLE WITH
THE PHOTO ALBUM AND YOU LOOK
AND IT HAS THE BEST PICTURES
AND BEST MEMORIES HALF THE TIME
WHERE YOU HAD THE FLU IT IS NOT
THERE OR WHEN U KID THROUGH UP
IN THE 3 IN THE MORNING.
SO TO ME, SOCIAL MEDIA IS WINS
BUT DOESN'T MEAN EVERYONE LIVES
THAT LIFE ALL THE TIME TO.
GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR
THINGS.
THINGS.
THINGS. >> HOW DO YOU TOPE YOUR KID NOT
TO IDOLIZE PERFECTS THEY SEE
BECAUSE IT'S NOT REAL.
>> THAT'S WHAT WE STRUGGLE
WITH.
WITH.
WITH. >>
WITH. >> ONE OF THE THINGS I TALK
ABOUT IN MY PRACTICE IS WE GIVE
KIDS THE MESSAGE WHAT YOU DO IS
A KIND OF WORTH AND REALLY
THOSE ARE TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
SO TO BE ABLE TO HELP YOURSELF
WITH YOUR KIDS THAT ISN'T BASED
ON WHAT THEY HAVE DONE THAT
DAY.
DAY.
DAY. SO
DAY. SO RATHER THAN SEEING A REPORT
CARD THAT'S GREAT, WOW I AM
PROUD OF YOU STRAIGHT A'S.
YOU MIGHT SAY WOW THERE YOU GO
AGAIN PUTTING IN HARD WORK
THOSE ARE SKILLS THAT ARE MORE
ABOUT YOU AND BATTLES THAT COME
IN HANDY.
IN HANDY.
IN HANDY. >> I LOVE THAT.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. >> ALL RIGHT.
QUICKLY WE WANT TO GET TO THE
OTHER POINTS WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT ANOTHER POTENTIAL CAUSE
OF BURNOUT IS LACK OF SUPPORTP
RESEARCHERS SAY FOR MANY OF US,
WE ARE NOT CLOSE TO FAMILY
NEARBY.
NEARBY.
NEARBY. MY MOTHER LIVES NEXT DOOR TO
AUNTS AND THE OTHER BLOCK WAS
COUSINS AND EVERY -- YOU HAD
THAT SUPPORT THAT WAS SO VITAL
AND SO REALLY CLOSE FAMILY KNIT
EXPERIENCE.
EXPERIENCE. MY MOM IS NOT HERE.
>> MY MOM IS IN CHICAGO YOU
KNOW.
KNOW.
KNOW. SO
KNOW. SO THAT'S SUPER FAR AWAY.
AS FAR AS DISTANCE SO YOU KNOW
ALL OF THESE DIFFERENT THINGS
WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH BUT THINK
ONE THING I TRY TO DO AND I AM
AN ONLY CHILD AS WELL TO MAKE
IT WORSE I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF
SIBLINGS TO RELY ON, BUT WHAT I
TRY TO DO IS TO UTILIZE THE
FRIEND OR OTHER MOMMIES.
WE TALKED ABOUT THIS IN THE
PAST ON THE SHOW.
YOU KNOW GETTING THE MOM
FRIENDS YOU KNOW, AND KIND OF
LIKE SHARING A LITTLE BIT IN
THE DUTIES YOU KEEP THE KIDS
FOR FEW HOURS OR A COUPLE HOURS
AND I DO THESE ERRANDS AND I
THINK DOING THAT AND REALLY
TRYING TO SHARE THE WEALTH A
LITTLE BIT IT TAKES A VILLAGE
IT DOES.
IT DOES.
IT DOES. >> YOUR MOM GETS TO VISIT LIKE
MINE BUT IT'S TOUGH.
>> I THINK YOU BLESSED TO HAVE
YOUR FAMILY AROUND AND THEY ARE
INVOLVED IN YOUR CHILDREN'S
LIFE BUT TOUGH DO THE BEST YOU
CAN.
CAN.
CAN. >>
CAN. >> AND THAT RELATES TO WHAT THE
EXPERTS SAY.
EXPERTS SAY. YOU KNOW, AVOID FEELING THAT
BURN FORGET THE MYTH OF BEING
THE PERFECT PARENT.
STEP AWAY FROM SOCIAL MEDIA AS
YOU SAY.
YOU SAY.
YOU SAY. AND, OF COURSE, ASK FOR HELP.
BECAUSE I THINK THAT IS SO
CRITICAL IS ACTUALLY NOT BEING
BE AFRAID AND WE TALKED ABOUT
THIS LAST WEEK ON REAL TALK.
AND AS FAR AS HELPING WITH
KIDS, I WILL ASK ALL DAY LONG.
.
.
. >>
. >> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. >> I MEAN.
I MEAN IT'S ESSENTIAL NOW.
I DIDN'T USED TO.
>> I THINK WE MIX UP
RESPONSIBILITY FOR WORD LIKE --
WE MISTAKE THE WORDS AND THANK
GOODNESS AT ANY POINT IN MY
LIFE I AM NOT ALONE AND I CAN
ASK QUESTIONS.
ASK QUESTIONS. SO A LOT OF IT IS WORDS.
ROLLIZING NO ONE IS WITHOUT
HELP.
HELP.
HELP. >>
HELP. >> YOU KNOW WHAT CAME TO ME IS
THAT YOU KNOW, AS PARENTS WE
TRY TO BE THE PERFECT PARENT.
SO TO YOUR KIDS YOU ARE YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> WELL.
>> WELL.
>> WELL. >> WELL.
>> WELL.
>> WELL. >> YOU MAY NOT ALWAYS FEEL IT.
RIGHT.
RIGHT.
RIGHT. BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, IT'S
JUST LIKE YOU KNOW, THE OTHER
DAY I HAD ON A SHIRT IT WAS
LIKE CROPPED-MY DAUGHTER IS
LIKE MOM YOU ARE GETTING ABS
GOES SO I WAS LIKE YEAH.
I AM WINNING.
YOU KNOW BUT TO HER I AM
WINNING YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
IT'S LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE SO I
MEAN THEY MAY NOT FEEL LIKE YOU
ARE THE WINNER TO THE KIDS, BUT
AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY
REALLY DO ADMIRE USO YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN FOR ONE THING OR
ANOTHER.
ANOTHER.
ANOTHER. MAYBE IT'S THE HAIR OR OUR
CLOTHING STYLE OR IT'S
SOMETHING MAYBE THE WAY YOU
HUG.
HUG.
HUG. >>
HUG. >> WHY.
>> WHY.
>> WHY. >> WE HAVE TO WRAP.
>> SORRY.
>> SORRY.
>> SORRY. >> MAYBE YOU WRAP THEM UP LIKE
A BURRITO.
A BURRITO. THANKS DR. B.
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. .
.
. >>
. >> THANK YOU.
.
.
. >>
. >> INCREDIBLE.
>> INCREDIBLE. REWIND AND BE LIKE --
>> WELL-DONE.
>> WELL-DONE. >> TRENDING WITH TRENT IS
COMING UP.
COMING UP. AND WEIGH IN.
DID I MISS THAT ON FACEBOOK WE
WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU BEAT THE
BURNOUT.
BURNOUT.
BURNOUT. TELL US.
TELL US.
TELL US. OR WHAT WERE WE SAYING YES YOU
HAVE IT PLEASE VOTE AND, OF
COURSE, SHARE THE WAY