Nut neutrality has just been repealed
and yes I said
Nut neutrality
by this
goofy faced
potato headed
DSL
juicy ass lip having
PAI BOI
Now if you don't know who this is
this is Ajit Pai
head of the FCC
or as I like to call him
Ajit Pai in the face
*weird cough laugh thing* Got-em
Now as I was saying, he has these really big luscious beautiful DSL lips
and if you take a look at this picture, you'll notice they are VERY red
very, very pink
and now if you compare it to the logo of Verizon™
you will see that there is a little red nub
and the end of their logo here
and you can kinda understand where I'm getting at here.
He's got these big juicy DSL lips
I wonder what he was sucking on?
I wonder what he, *changed mind*, who he sucked off, right?
To get his lips so red?
and that's not just a joke actually
before he was the head of the FCC
He was general counsel for Verizon™
Now isn't that strange?
Well today, net neutrality was finally repealed by this
SWEET ANGEL OF A MAN
Who is quickly becoming one of the most hated people in America
right behind Harvey Weinstein
and although he hasn't sexually assaulted someone
he is a giant penis
and he's been flaunting it out in public for months.
in front of kids and families
and as far as I know, that is indecent exposure, at the very least.
Now, I've seen everybody up in arms about net neutrality
about fast lanes, about censorship
about all these horrible things that could happen as a result
but here's something that people are not talking about, that I think needs to be discussed.
I'm talking about
NUT NEUTRALITY
PORN
Why is nobody talking about porn?
I need this!
Fast lanes is one thing, you know they are going to have a mature adult package for $4.99
and it's not even about the money.
it's the shame
Imagine calling your carrier saying
"Hi, I would like the blacked.com, anal smut package for $4.99 please."
So first of all, think about how this actually works.
The money is the least of your problems.
First you have to call your ISP.
It's some sweet church going lady
She's a sweet heart, she's got a family, she's got cousins, she's an aunt.
You say, "Hi... Margaret", that's probably her name,
"I'd like to *uh* get access to BLACKED DOT COM"
and poor sweet Margaret, she doesn't know what BLACKED DOT COM is, why would she?!
Imagine going to BLACKED DOT COM?
and not even knowing what you're getting yourself into
that's not the worst part.
and she says, "Okay, well it's gonna show up on your bill as..
..this idiot just called and asked for access to BLACKED DOT COM, definitely not porn, but make sure your wife doesn't get this bill before you do."
NUT NEUTRALITY
We
need
nut
NEUTRALITY
Now he thought it would be a good idea to celebrate this victory
by making a video, to throw salt in the wounds, and laugh in the face of anyone who opposed this bill
in which there were MANY.
Mr. Pai in the face has basically ascended to anime super villain at this point (so true)
and so with that being said, let us slide in together into this
WARM
AMERICAN
APPLE PAI
*assuming copyright-free how to build x with x for x type music*
HEY, FIDGET SPINNER ALERT
Hello fellow internet users!
It is rumored that this exact image etched into a cave of a Mayan Prophet
This exact imagine is what the Mayans prophesied would herald in, the end of the world.
*goes back to backyard do it yourself music*
Ajit Pai Video: "Hi I am Ajit Pai"
many people say at the moment of death, this is the last image you see.
by the way, seven things you can still do on the internet after net neutrality.
that, that doesn't even address the point!
That's like saying, "Seven things you can do during the 3rd Reicha" (he adds an a at the end of Reich) in Nazi Germany
You can still instagram your food.
it doesn't matter that gat *corrects himself* Jews are being gassed in concentration camps
Oh okay, well as long as I can still..
It's, it's not even the point, we know that you can still do stuff on the internet
the point is that I have to call my ASP (he means ISP) to get access to BLACKED!
Ajit Pai Video: "Hi I am Ajit Pai, I'm the chairman of the FCC.
Recently there has been quite a bit of conversation about my plan to restore internet freedom."
Quite a bit of conversation, there's been just a little bit of chatter
Some people have been talking a tiny, tiny bit, you may have heard whispers
Ajit Pai Video: "Recently there has been quite a bit of conversation about my plan to restore internet freedom."
Ethan: "The Restore Internet Freedom Act, that's nice..
..more like the restore freedom for five major companies, and screw over 300 million people act. Nice Orwellian twist there Pai boi."
Ajit Pai Video: "Here are just a few of the things you will still be able to on the internet, after these Obama-era regulations are repealed."
Ethan: "Why does it matter that it's Obama-era? Like, this is just proof that this is just partisan hackery, like..
..don't worry about the details, all that matters is that this is an Obama era regulation.
It doesn't matter that it wasn't not a partisan issue at the time, and that it was supported by both parties.
Now it's an Obama-era
YOU ARE PARTISAN HACK DUDE, WHERE IS MY BLACKED, BLACKED DOT COM IS NOT A PARTISAN ISSUE.
WE ALL NEED FUCKING BEAT OUR MEAT RED, AND ROTTEN."
Ajit Pai Video: "You can still gram your food." *with stage two diabetes music playing*
*this music plays through the entire video, and little check mark dings play when he catches stuff*
*bag open sound*
*food pouring sound*
*explosive diarrhea sound effect*
Ajit Pai Video: "Quality™" (meme)
*iPhone™ tourist camera noise sound effect*
*another iPhone™ tourist camera noise sound effect*
Ajit Pai Video: "Alright you want a selfie in here or just?"
*another annoying iPhone™ tourist camera noise sound effect*
Ethan: "Do you think poor people just eat Cheetos™ and Instagram™ it?
I mean I don't understand, what's the joke dude?
Is this what you think people who weren't paid million of dollars by Verizon™ eat?
Don't worry guys, during Nazi Germany you can still instagram your rations
*long pause*
A.K.A. Cheetos™, everyone gets one bag.
Can you believe that this creepy, robot, out of touch, Cheeto™ eating, giant pussy mouth creep is in charge of what we get to see on the internet?
Bro, the cap on that Sriracha™ bottle, is not even green screened properly..
..you would think that the tens of millions of dollars you got from Comcast™ and Verizon™, you could at least get a decent green screen man."
Ajit Pai Video: "You can still post photos of cute animals, like puppies"
*generic audience sound clip of people awwing*
*Ajit Pai makes a creepy laugh, WITH the iPhone™ camera noise again"
Ethan: "So this guy thinks that all people use the internet for is for Instagram'ing™ photos, and posting pictures of cute animals.
It seems like he's learned everything he knows about the internet from 9gag.
Is Ajit Pai a *Windows XP™ Error Sound interrupts*?"
*distorted audio from Ajit Pai video*
Ethan continues: "a 9gag user?
I bet you 9gag is his homepage.
Bro, whats your favorite gag, on 9gag Ajit?
I can tell you what you can gag on.
This hot, juicy red, nutty, nutty Verizon™ logo.
You can gag right on that my little Pai."
Ajit Pai Video: "You can still shop for all your Christmas presents online.
*really quiet* yes
*normal* I got a bulk deal on fidget spinners
(extremely out of place) YES! Those eclipse glasses are so cheap!"
*forgot to mention that weird Christmas/Holiday themed music is playing the entire time while he's dressed up as the Grinch*
*this also lasts extremely long, as Ethan details*
Ethan: "Oh my god bro, why was that so long?
I swear, I thought I was having a stroke, I was tripping out.
Just standing there with that fidget spinner.
Just ushering in the end at(?) times, with a shit eating grin.
Oh my god bro...
This image is burned inside my brain man."
*trump rally in background*
*giant industrial metal spinning fan blade is heard instead of a fidget spinner sound*
*distorted Ajit Pai voice*
*2d game explosion*
*PewDiePie can be heard in the background, with a large sound of a heart beat*
Ajit Pai Video: "You can still binge watch your favorite shows."
*Game of Thrones theme song is played*
Ethan: "Oh my god, Pai boi, the fact that you just filmed yourself watching a green screen, looking back, while eating popcorn, and nodding with approval..
..just shows how out of touch with internet you really are. My Pai boi, you just got memed."
*trollololol song plays*
*some more world war II footage of Adolf Hitler speaking plays*
*Daddy O'five parents abusing their children*
*I think this is the fire from Thomas in California, but not sure it's just a camp fire sound effect*
*I literally can't describe this, if you were deaf*
Ajit Pai Video: "You can still drive memes right into the ground.. (as father Ethan said, good memes never die, you will be with us forever Ajit)
*Harlem Shake meme* *Filthy Frank wants to die*
Ethan: "I don't even know what to say..
I mean, he's doing the Harlem Shake; it's 2017.
This is an appointed official of a real regulatory board
doing the Harlem Shake, with a Light Saber™ at the end, it's 2017 *Ethan descends into a mental break down*
and I don't, how do I, how do I approach this?
I have nothing, I have nothing to say."
Ajit Pai Video: "Everything else you ever did on the Internet, like everything, all of it, *quietly descending voice* all of it."
*Ajit Pai mockingly busts out laughing with his crew*
Ethan: "You know what really annoys me about this video, is just like why?
Why bother dude, like?
You are an appointed official that's meant to protect the public, and you're just throwing salt in the wounds of your political opponents.
I don't see that it's productive,
I don't see that it's helping anything.
Nobody is arguing that you can't use Instagram
People all know that you can still use Instagram
If
You
Pay
You can still use facebook
IF
YOU
PAY
YOU CAN STILL USE BLACKED DOT COM
IF YOU PAY
WHERE'S THE NUT NEUTRALITY?
It's about giving total control to Comcast™ and Verizon™, the two most evil companies on this planet
If you Google™ search for Comcast™ right now, a Swastika shows up
So stop acting like we're all whiny little babies, who don't understand this complex thing you're doing.
Cause we all know we can all still use Instagram™
and you're just manipulating people for the purpose of misinforming those who support you.
Here's seven things you can't do with Net Neutrality being repealed.
Counteract throttling,
Making fast lanes,
Gouging rates with no competition.
How about destroying startups that can't compete in this field, because their traffic gets cut off.
How about taking this conversation seriously, instead of dressing up like Santa with a Nerf™ gun and fidget spinner, and eclipse glasses..
..and making a total mockery of it.
This is one of his colleagues, giving an impassioned speech, in support of Net Neutrality.
Mignon Clyburn: "Who will be impacted the most?
Consumers and small business, that's who."
Ethan: "And look how much respect he has for her."
Mignon Clyburn: "and amen to that, thank you."
Ajit Pai: "Thank you, commissioner Clyburn.
I'm going to mark you down as a no."
*the howls of yes-men in the crowd*
Ajit Pai: "Commissioner O'Reilly?"
Ethan: "Listen to the howls as the yes men in the crowd, this is the funniest thing they have ever heard in their life.
You know Ajit, you may be a terrible FCC chairman, but you're a hell of a PR man, and I gotta give you that.
In fact it's just a shame, that you weren't around to help other great folks, that could have needed your PR skills."
Ethan: "Hi, my name is Ajit Goobler from the Third Reich. *generic 90 commercial music plays*
Listen, I've been hearing a lot of people talking about this holocaust, and frankly, I don't know what they're all complaining about.
Because here are 7 things you can still enjoy during the Third Reich.
Post pictures of your cute dogs to the internet.
*generic aww sound clip*
Ignore the sound of breaking glass, and screams of anguish.
*starts talking to the dog* Schroeder, gimme a kiss. You have to be cute.
This dog is going straight into the gas chamber.
Number two
..breathe?
Nobody, nobody can stop you from breathing.
You see that, not so bad?
Number three
fidget spin?
Give it a slap, if you got one.
You can still do that in Nazi Germany.
Obviously
and of course, number four.
Eat your food rations,
and course Instagram™ it for the whole world to see.
So it's not so bad out here in Nazi Germany.
..and don't listen to those haters.
*quick zoom, and speaking a little bit quieter*
Oh I'm so backed up.
I can only take so much jizz from Verizon™.
I'm fucking backed up with so much jizz
God, I can not, I can not gag on Verizon's™ cock any longer.
My lips are so red, bro."
Ethan: "My friends, here are the green screens of Pai boi for all of your amusement.
Show him, the power of the Internet.
I would love to make a follow up video where I show our favorite green screen edits of Pai boi here.
Please submit them to the subreddit
and we will make another video following this one up.
AND if you want to rep your naysh, head over to h3h3shop.com for some DUP (dope) shirts and sweaters.
How about this, ugly, vaping Christmas sweater.
Freak out your Nana with this sweater today.
Thanks for watching guys.
*H3H3 music outro*