- Hey everybody, happy Thursday.
Now, today's question is all about
therapists seeing their own therapists.
But before we jump into that, are you new to my channel?
Welcome, I'm a licensed therapist
creating educational mental health videos,
and I release those videos on Mondays and on Thursdays.
So make sure you're subscribed
and have your notifications turned on,
so that you don't miss out.
Now, let's jump into today's question, and it is,
"Kati, would you mind doing a video about how and why
"a therapist may need to see their own therapist as well?
"I think that it would be interesting.
"'Cause I think most people think therapists
"don't need to see someone else since they should be able
"to fix their own issues."
And I had, to be honest, I really had to spend some time
thinking about this question.
Because as you know, I've been in therapy off and on
since I was like, 15 years old.
And if I'm being honest, I just always thought
everyone should be in therapy,
but once I got this question I started asking around,
and much to my surprise, people didn't think that
their therapists should need to see another therapist.
Many stating that if they were actually good at their jobs,
they shouldn't need to see someone about it.
Needless to say, I was completely shocked.
But if I really think about it, I can understand why people,
you know, could think like that.
If I do know all about people and relationships
and the power of our own thoughts,
and ways that we can work to change them,
then why can't I just, you know, fix any issue
that comes up for me?
Well, the truth is, that I am more aware
of how I think and act,
but that doesn't make me immune from being a human.
Like, I can still be a complete jerk,
I can take things personally,
or let my mind take me down a dark path.
And I also have my own upbringing, that for better or worse,
does shape my automatic responses to things.
And yes, I have worked on that stuff in therapy
to better understand my own responses, where they come from,
you know, why they happen and what I can do to be better.
But as I am sure we all know,
knowing and doing can be completely different things.
And also consider that I work with my husband,
you know, I work with my husband, Sean on the channel.
And while we get along very well,
and working together is actually wonderful in many ways.
We do struggle to separate our life from work sometimes.
So I talk about that a lot in therapy,
and turn to my own therapist
for her insight into this issue.
Because I'm just so in it, you know.
Sometimes it can help to get an outside perspective,
because I'm almost blinded by the fact that,
that's my day to day life.
And there's also the self-care that needs to come along with
just being a therapist, because we can take on
so much of what other people are going through.
I mean, just consider, like, for example,
I'll give you one of my regular days
where I go to my office.
And this isn't to make you feel bad for me at all,
I just really want you to understand what I mean
when I say that therapist need therapy for self-care.
So I get up, and I hop online,
I try to answer some of your questions,
I respond to many of you in the comments below a new video,
on Twitter, on Tumblr sometimes
and I post in the Community Tab, and Facebook Group,
you know, the list goes on and on and on.
Then I hop over to my office and listen to my patients
and what they're going through,
you know, trying to focus and be with them
present in the moment, asking the right questions,
offering tips and tools where they may be needed.
And then I could go home, or even stay in my office
and do more research or order workbooks,
or look into different tools and techniques
that I should find to better assist my patients.
Then I go home, I go to bed
and I wake up and I do it all over again.
And that's a lot of me giving of my energy out to others.
So, it is a necessity that I make time to re-energize
and to give it back to myself, you know.
Not to mention that if I don't give myself enough me time
and self-care to recharge,
I could bring all of my own bullshit into my sessions
that could lead me to talking about myself all the time,
when it's someone else's session,
or even countertransference.
Which if you're not aware of what that term means,
it's really when a patient
transfers another relationship on to me.
But instead of noticing that and talking it through,
figuring out where it came from,
I react back to them from my own past experience.
And then could like, and then I transfer on my own feelings
and pass on to them in return.
Countertransference is really bad stuff, okay.
And so if I'm not in therapy, not taking care of myself,
that could happen more.
Not to mention that just an overall struggle
to uphold safe and healthy boundaries
with my patients can be hard.
There's so much that goes into being a therapist.
Correction, there's so much that goes into being
a good therapist.
So, I truly believe that every therapist
or mental health professional should see their own therapist
so that they have time to process it all.
And I was just talking with my good friend Malik Ducard,
he'll be in a video very soon, so stay tuned.
Anyways, he was telling me that he is really good
at compartmentalizing things,
but he's not really sure if that's a good or bad thing.
And it really made me think
because I'm also very good at compartmentalizing,
but sometimes compartmentalization can turn into repression.
By telling myself, oh yeah, that bad thing happened,
you know, but I don't, I don't really have time
to deal with that right now.
I can get so used to doing that, pushing things back,
that I never actually take the time
to look back at that issue and allow myself to feel it,
and process it, you know.
There even times when something really exciting
will happen for me like getting to ride with my book,
or go on a wonderful trip and get to meet so many of you.
And I find myself struggling to really feel it,
to let myself just soak it in.
And to be honest, I hate that I do that.
And I'm trying to work on it in therapy.
And my hypothesis is really that it's because I'm so busy,
that I get distracted by the next thing that I need to do,
so I don't really make the time and space
to just be in the moment.
And Malik described this so beautifully.
He said that when he's compartmentalizing,
he feels like he's building these cities,
like placing issues in houses or parks
where he can leave them.
And then I added when he was saying that I was like,
well then, that means that therapy is kind of like making
a point to take a trip to that certain city
to see what issues have been left there.
And anyways, compartmentalizing is imperative
when you're a therapist,
so that you don't bring your own stuff
to therapy with your patients
or another patient's stuff into another session,
or worse, taking all of that home with you.
However, we still need to take the time
to drive back into those cities that we've created
and clean it up, you know.
Does that even make any sense?
I just really like that, like visualization,
it worked for me, so hopefully it works for you.
Also, I really think it's important for a therapist
to know what it's like to be on the other side, you know?
Like, I know what it's like to call around to see someone,
to be nervous about my first therapy appointment.
To fill out all that annoying paperwork,
try to figure out how I'm gonna pay for it.
You know, flip the light switch on
to let them know that I'm there and actually do the work.
And I know therapy can be really hard, exhausting,
and so incredibly life changing.
And I know all of that because I've been there myself.
And I think that that makes me a better,
not worse therapist.
And I guess my final thought is that,
you know, a surgeon can't do surgery on themselves.
A hairdresser cannot always successfully cut their own hair.
And a therapist cannot do therapy on themselves either.
Some tasks just require some outside help
and perspective to get the job done.
And I personally I'm so thankful for all of the therapists
that I've had over the years, and how much they've pushed me
to become a better version of myself
because I really wouldn't be who I am today without them.
But that's just my opinion.
And honestly, I would love to to hear yours.
Would you prefer that your therapist
not see someone themselves?
Do you even care?
Maybe you don't, but you wouldn't want them
to tell you about it.
I'm just curious what your thoughts are about this.
So let me know on those comments down below,
and I will see you next time.
Bye.
(laughing)
Okay.
What month is up?
Shit, (mumbles) they always notice.
Okay, okay, I'm sorry (mumbles).
Okay, ready?
Sorry.
(mumbles).
Okay.