I think that we're actually animals that
we have an animal nature and that we
have to become human and we become human
by overcoming some of these deep-rooted
animal forces within us these forces
within us that we can't control such as
the fact that we can't control our own
emotions our own anger our own
frustration or if we feel Envy but we're
caught up in the emotions of other
people I call those forces primal forces
human nature and they can create sort of
negative patterns of behavior the dark
side of what we see in the news etc and
we all have them ingrained in us because
with the way we evolved millions of
years ago served a very definite purpose
for our survival as a species but the
savannas of East Africa is not the
offices in Silicon Valley or a 21st
century America the world isn't the same
we are not built to adapt to this new
technological environment we're in we
still have that lizard brain those
animal parts of our nature so for
instance law number one is about how
we're basically irrational creatures we
think that were rational but really our
emotions governess we feel something
before we ever have an idea of thinking
we have to become rational through this
process that I lay out in my book so I
don't need to say that we're negative
because humans are obviously incredible
look at what we've created it's an array
giuse if you think about who we were
millions of years ago where we are now
we're obviously capable of incredible
achievements were also the most
brilliant social animal on the planet
we're capable of cooperating and working
on teams to a level that no other animal
has ever reached so there's obviously
another side to the story but to become
greater to become truly human we have to
overcome these forces that I lay out so
for instance we are built to constantly
compare ourselves to other people we're
always thinking of what the other person
has and how we are in relation to them
are we getting as much attention as that
other person you start off when we were
are we getting more attention than our
siblings from our parents so we're
continually comparing ourselves in rank
and power and status to the people
around us and this is deep force within
us and it's constant every day every
moment you don't realize that what
you're going through that and social
media it completely exacerbates this
tendency in human nature
another is the contagiousness of
emotions which is extremely powerful we
tend to think of ourselves as autonomous
human beings that were independent that
we I feel affection or anger or
frustration on my own we don't realize
how deep we are affected by the emotions
of the people in a group this is the
viral effects emotions are extremely
contagious before the invention of
language we humans had to be able to
communicate to one another through just
picking up the moods of other people and
if there was a threat to our group or
our tribe the ability to feel fear and
anger together bonded us and helped us
survive but that doesn't serve much
function in the world today where viral
emotions could be very dangerous in
there we see a lot of that on social
media I'm really worried about people
nowadays but now my worry is that people
are so immersed in their smartphones in
their technology that they don't
understand people they're not observing
people and this has been documented in
studies that young people for instance
levels of self-absorption and narcissism
have been growing steadily since the
1970s we are the preeminent social
animal
the planet our survival depends on how
we relate to other people whether we
understand them on some level and I find
a lot of people are increasingly in the
world are really bad at observing just
basic elements in human psychology the
position I'm in now I'm a consultant to
a lot of very powerful famous people I'm
not gonna mention any names people fly
me out to consult the CEOs political
people who are very powerful in even in
other countries and the number one
problem I find that they have is an
inability to understand the people
they're dealing with they hire the wrong
partners they hire the worst assistance
when dabbe ruining their lives these are
people who are technically brilliant
they understand their field they
understand marketing etc but they don't
understand basics about people around
them and they make terrible hires are
they very absolutely the wrong person
for them in their lives their emotions
or you know their personal relationship
to bring them down so this is like our
Achilles heel and I think it's gotten
worse in the world today so my anger was
that people are so focused on technology
but that we need to focus much more on
human nature on understanding people
that's the primary skill that you need
in life there is something deeply
ingrained in each individual person a
particular individual nature that we all
have and that causes us to go into
compulsive patterns of behavior I have
this problem myself I notice each time I
write a book I'm telling myself I'm
gonna make this book short I'm not gonna
ruin my health I'm not gonna do so much
research and then every goddamn time I
still go through the same process I
can't break this pattern okay and
everybody has them where does it come
from some of it comes from our DNA from
our genetics things we can't
that we've inherited from our parents
some of it comes from our early
attachment and some of it comes as we
get older and we interact with teachers
and mentors and various people who
create a certain way we view ourselves
if people keep telling us that were not
really worthy that we're not good
students we internalize that in the end
up becoming like that so it's a mix of
things you know each person has a mix of
these qualities and you have to kind of
and untangle the various strands in your
write-up what I'm saying is you're a
mystery to yourself you don't know who
you are you have patterns of behavior
and you're not even understanding that
you don't know why you're angry you
think you're angry because that person
said something mean to you or did
something wrong but in fact your anger
probably stems from things from deep
deep within from your childhood and
you're not reacting to that person but
to actually your parents and what they
didn't give you you know those is the
origin of wisdom according to the Greeks
was know thyself right and I believe
that very firmly that knowledge about
who you are is an end in itself and will
help you in so many ways become that
human being that I think we all have the
potential to become so I'm a great
believer in baby steps in learning how
to do things on a daily basis so
normally when we feel an emotion or we
have an idea we don't examine it we just
assume that's that's you know it just
naturally came up with that on our own
I want you every single day to be
examining yourself and to look at
yourself
why do I have that idea why am I feeling
this sudden emotion and it's not easy it
takes it can take time and it can take
degree of introspection that you're not
comfortable with but if you begin to
look at yourself in question why do I
feel this way and examine it and look at
perhaps other sources of it then you can
begin this process of understanding
instead of just simply accepting that
you feel or have this certain idea so
question yourself stop assuming that
everything you do is so brilliant and
smart it's right and imagine that maybe
your ideas don't come from yourself
maybe you're feeling some political
anger or whatever comes from the fact
that you're just assuming it from other
people you're following things on
Facebook and you're getting swept up in
some viral emotion you want to think
that you're completely independent and
autonomous but maybe you're not as
independent as you think I want to
change how you look at people normally
everything is personal oh they said that
oh they don't like me oh he likes me she
I'm not getting attention cut that off I
want you to look at people as as facts
of nature as things that like a rock or
a stone or a plant this is who they are
and I want you to observe them and
accept them for who they are and deal
with them as individuals you will be
free of all that emotional baggage that
you carry when you take everything so
personally I think altering your
perspective how you look at people will
have a radical influence on all aspects
of your life
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