It's all good!
Hey hey!
Yeah!
Thanks for being here.
You've got a, you got a big movie out.
Yeah.
Things are going very well for you and you.
Congratulations. You have a new baby.
Is that right?
New baby girl.
Good for you.
A month old right now. Yeah.
(screaming and clapping)
Thank you, thank you and it's amazing,
cause I have a 21 month old girl as well.
And when you, I had her
and you think you're gonna love this child.
This is the only child you're gonna love.
And the fact that you're having another one, you know
you don't think you'll be able to love it as much
because you think, you know, but they say you adjust.
And it's amazing how you love your kids equally.
And it's not true.
I don't care for the second one as much.
(laughing)
I wanna feel it.
I wanna feel the love.
I just don't.
It's just not there, yeah.
I don't know what to do I can't fake it anymore either.
I don't know what to do.
(laughing)
Don't feel bad.
No, we're going to have another baby.
So this one has someone to play with.
I'm not sensitive to it.
Very good.
You're taking care of it.
Absolutely.
Now you're finding, is it easier
with the second child? Is the first time you have a kid
you go through so much.
The second time, is it any easier?
It's very, yeah, it's very intense
The first child, because you're so worried about them.
I remember being in the hospital
with the first child and the nurse would come in and say
we're going to take the baby to measure her
and do this stuff.
(murmuring)
And I say, you know what?
You're not going in.
I'm gonna go with you
wherever you go, cause it's your kid.
And the second one, you kinda slack off a little bit.
I mean,
(audience laughing)
the nurses come in, you don't care.
Literally a janitor stopped by and was like
I'm just gonna take the kid.
I'm like, sure.
Go ahead.
(audience laughing)
Just,
clean her up.
Bring her back when you're done.
That'll be fine.
No problem at all.
Yeah. Now, how is your wife dealing with now two kids.
It's much harder, right?
It is, it is a little crazy because
she's starting to make rules
with the two kids that they're going to be crawling
around the house and stuff.
And she, she made a rule of
it kinda of annoyed me too, no shoes in the house.
I've heard of people that do that.
That no shoes anywhere in the house,
you take them off before you come in.
Yeah. And it's so annoying because she, she makes me
enforce the rule too, to people.
She'd be like, "Oh, look at the movers there.
Can you ask them to take their shoes off?"
And these guys are big guys and they're moving stuff
and you know what?
You make a rule, you should enforce the damn thing.
I don't wanna do it.
Sure. It should be her job.
So now I gotta go up to the guy and I look
I know you had moving a 700 pound refrigerator upstairs
but I'm going to need you to take the Rockports off
just to make it a little difficult.
I'm going to need you to do it in socks,
If you would.
(audience laughing)
And to add one more level to that,
I'm gonna throw raisins at you while you doing it,
just to piss you off.
(laughing)
Just to see if it works.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, so what do you wear in the house?
You wear socks then?
Well, see, this is the thing.
You have a choice in my house.
(indistinct)
You have a choice.
You can wear a socks or you can, she has like a
I don't know if you've seen, like in hospitals
where they slip those, like booties over,
you've seen the booties over the shoes
Yeah you see like the, surgeons wear them.
Yeah, exactly they're over their shoes.
And I wear them and I hate that
because they curl up in the front.
I always forget that I have them on when I leave the house.
And then I'm always afraid I'm going to get
in a fight with some guy.
And it looks like the fat, Lucky Charms guy
is trying to kick someone's ass.
(laughs)
Curly booties
Hey get over here!
Yeah.
Well with the kids, are you, are you
are you watching their programming with them?
Cause that's what I, with my kids I gotta watch
what they want to watch.
Yeah. Yeah.
Do you watch the Sesame Street and all that?
You have to.
It's great because it's like a babysitter
you know what I mean?
And I love it.
And the problem is you have to watch it with the kids.
So you're locked into it.
And they, they repeat a lot.
And that really pisses me off because just waiting
for new episodes of Sesame Street to come out, it's
like the Soprano's you're like, come on and turn it over
do something.
And then you see one, you excited and you think
it's going to be a new one.
And you're like, nah, near and far again.
That's what it is. It's near and far.
I already saw this a hundred times.
Near and far was great the first time.
Yes, I loved it the first time, but it's like
come on, keep me going here.
I got it down now.
I understand it. Yeah. So do you,
This is a weird thing.
And I wanted to surprise you a little bit with this
which is today I'm coming to work
walking down the West side and I ran into a woman.
She stopped me.
And she said, you have Kevin James on your show tonight.
And he said, yeah, I do.
And she said, this is, this is crazy.
I'm his fifth grade teacher.
And yeah, she said, I'm his fifth grade teacher.
Yeah. And so we thought it might be kind of cool
if you could talk to her.
Mrs. Cranberry?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's her. Yeah.
I ran into her on the street and so we rigged it up
and you know she can't be here in person
but she's on the phone and I thought it'd be cool
if they talked. Don't you think it'd be kinda neat?
(audience cheers)
She's right here on the line.
Oh my God.
Hello? Hi.
Hi. Yes, this is Conan O'Brien, you ran into me today.
And I'm sitting right here with Kevin James,
would you like to speak to him?
[Mrs. Cranberry] You said you would do this
and you did it.
That's right! Here's Kevin James. Here you go.
[Mrs. Cranberry] Oh hey babe~
Oh, Hey, Miss Cranberry.
Oh my God.
[Mrs. Cranberry] Oh, the King of Hearts.
It's The King of Queens.
[Mrs. Cranberry] You're so delightful.
I was telling Conan you were always
a wonderful mathematician.
Yes
[Mrs. Cranberry] We called him the master magician.
(laughs)
6 times 6, Kevin.
What?
[Mrs. Cranberry] 6 times 6?
36.
[Mrs. Cranberry] You got it honey!
(audience laughs and cheers)
I was good at math then.
[Mrs. Cranberry] We got 100 rabbits.
Okay.
[Mrs. Cranberry] 6 of them get sick.
They died. How many we got left?
Uh, it's 94 rabbits Miss
[Mrs. Cranberry] Bingo!
You son of a gun!
Uh, Conan, he always would, have diarrhea.
You know you did, Kevin.
What?
You got the diarrhea, you'd always tell me,
"You gotta change me. Take me to the bathroom and
change me," remember Kev?
Yeah I remember changing you.
Fifth grade is late for that.
Yeah, yeah.
[Mrs. Cranberry] Yeah! Oh Chuck and Larry looks terrific.
Thank you very much.
[Mrs. Cranberry] Oh yeah, your math skills
are good in that, aren't they?
Yes, they're very, I do a little math in there.
[Mrs. Cranberry] Yeah you gotta count all the money
you make, you rich
(audience screams and cheers)
(audience woos)
(audience continues to cheer)
Take a little break?
More with Kevin James. We'll be right back.
Stick around.