- As far as I'm aware, lint is the stuff that gathers
in the bottom of a dryer or washing machine.
- Which is great, 'cause I've already been
eating that for years.
- Oh God, yeah.
Moving on to the hard stuff next, dust.
- (laughs)
Can't wait.
(Renaissance fair music)
(cameras clicking)
They're Lindt brand, they're Excellence,
they're not truffles, so they're not what we're used to,
but they're different in the same range.
- How excellent is the Lindt Excellence gonna be?
- Gonna be outstanding.
Okay, we feel like royalty, I'm very excited for this.
- I hope it's just a very tall, posh man in a top hat,
going, "Mmm, yes, here you go."
- (laughs)
- If your chocolate has "Excellence" in the name,
should already be pretty high up there.
- Yeah, it's a bold move to say "Excellence".
- Yeah.
- 'Cause if they fail, then they just look like idiots.
- Yeah, expectations are high.
(Renaissance festival music)
- Oh! - Can you say that word?
- Poire inten-see. - (laughing)
- Poire? Oh, pear.
- Poire, noir.
Poire, noir.
- Poire noir.
- Poire noire brown choir.
- It looks fancy though, isn't it?
- Oh, you can smell the pear.
- You can see the pear. - Yeah.
- You can physically see the pear.
- I mean, I'm down to clown with some pear
and see what it's like.
- I just think it's--I'm all up for it,
yeah, absolutely, but I just think it's really weird.
- You don't like it.
- No, because it's pear.
Pear is the worst of all foods.
- It's just bits of dry pear.
- I love it.
- Oh, a big wack of pear.
- Yeah, a really big wack of paper.
- Immediately pear. - And like--
- Do you know a person who sells pears
is called a costermonger?
And that sounds like an insult.
- Yeah, you big costermonger.
- Go away with ya.
- Get outta here, ya big costermonger.
- 48% dark chocolate.
- [Producer] There you go.
- I love Lindt, 'cause they're all about their percentages.
They love to put like, 42.5 point two point two percent
of chocolate is in this bar.
- The sweetness works really nice with
the bitterness of the dark chocolate as well.
- I don't know who would want this.
I would actually stand in the shop
all day watching to see who would buy this.
- (laughs)
- And I'm sure if you follow them back home
you'd find they were guilty of other crimes as well.
- Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Cheatin' on their wives.
- Yeah, or they'd keep--
- I tried to think of another crime
but all I could think of was eating the dog.
- (laughs)
- I'm actually quite surprised.
I'm not mad into dark chocolate
but somehow pear dark chocolate seals the deal.
- [Producer] Do you think this deserves the title of excellence?
- It absolutely does not. - No.
- I expected to be disappointed and I wasn't.
So maybe it should be excellence.
- There you go. - There you go.
- Put it in a museum.
(Indiana Jones impression) This thing belongs in a museum.
(Renaissance fair music)
- Round two. - Oh.
- Ooh, mystery for me.
- Fig intense. - Fig, fig.
- Fig! Fig.
- I can't, guys.
- Sounds like you needed help figuring it out. (chuckles)
- Do you like fig, Kellie?
- No, but I didn't like pears so bring it on.
- That's true.
- This is how they trick me into eating weird fruits.
Just stick it in dark chocolate.
- It's propaganda.
It's making me like fruit.
It's Big Fruit trying to...
weasel its way into chocolate.
Trick me into liking fruit.
- Is it nice?
- It is.
It's quite nice.
- That tastes like alcohol.
- It does, it does!
- Don't dislike the chocolate.
Don't like figs, I think.
- I think I'm the opposite.
I think I'm not gone on the dark chocolate
but I don't mind the flavor.
- Can you look up what a fig is described to taste like?
- The pear was just wrong. - Mhm.
- The pear was just really bad,
I'm sorry, I'm stuck on the pear.
- We're traumatized, we're traumatized by the pear.
- This is nice, this is something I'd like to get.
- You don't like the fig?
- I feel like I'm lickin' an old woman.
- Truly is excellence.
- (whispers) Liqueur.
- It is gorgeous.
- It is gorgeous, it is gorgeous.
But you wouldn't have a ton of them.
- No.
- I don't have expensive taste.
I feel like rich people would absolutely love this.
- Mhm.
- 'Cause they love things that taste expensive.
This kind of tastes like expensive stuff.
- But at the same time, eat a Twix.
- Make that into a cake, you'd be golden.
That would be a great thing.
- More things should be made into cakes.
- Everything should be made into a cake.
- In general. - Everything.
Cake makes the world go round, okay?
I know people say gravity and space and all that.
And it's not, it's cake.
- They all come from cake. - All come from cake.
- Yeah. - (laughs)
- Reality is one big cake. - (laughs)
Make this into a cake.
- We're all hundreds and thousands
of the great cake of life.
(Renaissance fair music)
- Oh my god, it's even more mysterious
because I can't see what it is.
- Oh, Jesus. - Oh.
- That's that's not something I want to fall down there.
- (laughs) - Tell ya.
- My brain does not associate Lindt with chili.
- Yeah, but dark chocolate and chili I think are a thing.
- Yes.
- Chili and chocolate go very very well together.
It's the little bit of spiciness
and a teeny bit of savory that goes into it.
They match.
- Smells lovely though.
- Come on, chili.
Come on, chili.
- I can't taste any chili.
At all.
- I don't taste the chili in that.
- You do after a while.
It's the aftertaste, you get it at the back of your throat.
- That's not what I wanted.
- Yeah, well, the world doesn't give you what you want.
- Ain't that the truth.
You can say that again.
- Maybe it's in the aftertaste,
there's a slight tingle, incredibly slight.
If it was like you must be too tall to blah, blah, blah,
have this chili.
It's all the way down fuckin' here.
- But that's not really excellent.
You want an intense chili taste.
- I am sorry, Lindt.
This is the first one that does not deserve
excellence on the packet.
- The pear, the pear I felt very, very excellent.
- I thought the fig was excellent, personally.
- Yes.
This is average.
- Yeah, now...
The packaging of this looks excellent.
- Is excellent. - But the actual thing, eh.
- Not so.
- It's just "cellent".
(Renaissance fair music)
- The highest percentage of cocoa!
Love it, 85%. - Good lord.
- Rich. - Good lord.
- Dark chocolate.
- Ooh, 85% cacao.
- Oh, I do love that cacao.
- Cacao.
- (laughs)
- Holy cacao, am I right? (chuckles)
(foil tearing)
- Oh, that is so satisfying.
- (laughs)
- Here, you break off of it, it's sharp, right?
And you can write something on it,
You can be like, hey.
- It's Renaissance art.
- [Blaithin] : Yeah!
- It's significantly darker as well.
Bing!
- Meh.
- (laughs)
- Yep.
- No.
- Mmm.
Dirt.
- Eighty-five is a little bit much though, isn't it?
- But I think this would be beautiful
with a mug of black coffee.
- I can't do it.
- There's less of the creaminess to let it melt.
- Oh my god, it's everywhere!
- The more it breaks down,
it's just like powder in your mouth.
- I feel like every video I'm on
I start and I go, they could be better.
And then as they go on, I'm like,
the first one is always the best one.
And I never learn.
- I long for the days of pear.
I'm sorry, pear.
- I must say the excellence rating for some of them
was quite tippity tip top.
And others, not so much.
- It's called excellence.
- Yup.
- It's not that excellent.
It's good, it's very good.
- Half of those are excellent.
- Ah...
I'll even give you three quarters.
The chili one was fine.
- It was fine, but I don't know if it was excellent.
- Two outta four ain't bad.
Two outta four ain't excellent.
Two outta four's fine.
- Average? - Average?
- Oh, we've just averaged excellence, oh.
- We wouldn't really like Lindt Average.
- (laughs)
- In this same font and everything.
- Average, you could make average fantastic.
- Have you gone about your life
thinking you're just average?
Well we've got the chocolate for you.
- Thanks for watching.
- Thank you.
- Subscribe.
Click the bell.
Do it for Bláithín, we're gonna get her lessons
on how to finish sentences.
- I can do it.
- Go on, do it so.
- Thanks for watching, finish the bell.
(both laugh)