I think I'm having a midlife crisis as
an ex-googler tech lead you know at
first I thought it was one of those
panic attacks that those impostor
syndrome programmers get all the time
but but then I realized I don't have
impostor syndrome so this must be the
real deal so I thought today I would
just take a break from making YouTube
videos and reflect on what's been going
on it's been a wild year I lost my wife
my son my family I lost my job a good
career over at Facebook and you know
it's like one moment I was attending my
kid's birthday party working my
nine-to-five job and then the next day
everything vanished as if none of it
even happened six years of work personal
time and effort into creating this
lifestyle it was two years of dating
four years of marriage raising a kid
changing all those diapers transitioning
from Google to Facebook and all of that
just vanished and now it feels like I
have been running in the wrong direction
this whole time I think that's really
what midlife crisis is like quick pause
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calm slash tech leap suddenly you're
questioning everything you've devoted
your life to over the past few years and
all of your carefully laid out plans for
life just don't seem to make sense
anymore you start acting impulsively
making reckless decisions in an attempt
to regain yourself to regain a sense of
purpose you know the other day I was
driving down the highway and I saw a
Nissan GTR it's a car I always wanted
and I thought to myself well hey maybe
maybe I should just go by that and that
reminded me how a lot of midlife crisis
people they go out and buy a red Porsche
or a Corvette and then I realized a
Tesla is probably better everybody seems
to love those things but then I
remembered I'm just too cheap to buy a
Tesla even going through a midlife
crisis so here I am just really existing
going around looking at people like am i
happy is this happiness what am I even
doing here there's a sense of
restlessness emptiness I'm making stupid
little YouTube videos for stupid little
people
reading stupid little comments and who
knows maybe everybody they're just BOTS
right maybe nobody's watching this video
except you and all those other views
that we're getting maybe they're just
those outsourced bus that I paid for
and I find myself questioning what am I
even doing here we seem to be struggling
all of our lives trying to reach a state
where we can just sleep in all day and
that seems to be the dream where you
don't even have to get up you don't have
to go work you don't have to do anything
and you can just sit back and relax and
that's pretty much what I have now I can
just sleep in all day and it really
doesn't matter if I wake up or not
everyday I have enough funds to sustain
myself and yet there's an emptiness to
it it doesn't feel fulfilling when I
reflect on my older days when I would be
raising my kid helping him learn about
the world changing diapers committing
through traffic supporting my family
through the grind of a nine-to-five job
providing people with health insurance
even through that struggle all of that
somehow felt very fulfilling it felt
like I was progressing my life forward
like I was moving towards something a
dream a goal an aspiration at this point
it feels like I have been running
through some marathon and halfway
through it I find out that the marathon
is already over someone else won it
maybe my ex-wife's new boyfriend and
that gold medal prize it's gone and I
was like halfway there halfway through
that dream of having a blissful marriage
two kids of white picket fence a dog I
mean I have one kid I had the wife I had
a dog we were bidding on the house and
then when they are all turned to pure
garbage and at this point that fairytale
ending just doesn't exist for me anymore
at best I'm a divorced dad at worst I'm
a husband youtuber I don't even know why
I'm making money anymore I have more
than enough for myself I can't spend all
of this in my lifetime I probably had
more than enough ten years ago when I
first reached a million and net worth
and I had always been planning that any
further amount I would make with go to
my kid go to supporting my family taking
everybody on family vacations taking
people to fancy restaurants if it's just
me by myself
it's not all that fun going to fancy
restaurants alone going to Disneyland
kids amusement parks by myself going to
exotic locations I would feel a little
out of place now I think the fact that
the matter here though is that all of us
are going to go through a midlife crisis
at some point or another that's waiting
for us whereas the 20s was the time of
pursuing dreams and aspirations your 30s
and 40s is going to be when you actually
see the end of those pursuits and you
can see whether you succeeded or failed
and you'll find maybe you don't have
enough time to go back and redo all that
again and it may not even be your fault
there are so many other factors that
could be at play here the love in your
marriage maybe will start fading your
parents will start growing older you
could start seeing some of your loved
ones passing away your own health could
be starting to go you could start seeing
injuries and you'll start thinking about
other things that maybe you wanted to
accomplish in life and reflect on the
direction that you're currently going
and whether you'll be able to reach
those goals you once have set for
yourself quite likely life will not go
as planned it rarely ever does whatever
dream or goal you're chasing after it
probably doesn't exist that's the funny
thing about life when I was younger I
used to travel around a lot going around
by myself and I would look at people
living their day-to-day lives and I had
the same that stability is an illusion
created by society to protect us from
the chaos of the universe because the
fact is we live in a chaotic world and
we try to shield ourselves from that
unpredictability through daily routines
stable careers marriages and we like to
think that's going to last forever that
we have all the time in the world but
life is anything but predictable you
could get hit by a car tomorrow
an asteroid can come in 10 years and
blow everybody out what's waiting for
you and me and all of us is probably
some plan that will never pan out at
least not the way we wanted to and so
that's why it's important I think to
enjoy the journey that that's the nation
that we're all walking towards that gold
medal price it doesn't exist it's
already been taken by your spouse's
future new boyfriend or girlfriend so
treasure those transient moments while
you can while they exist nothing lasts
forever but there's still good times to
be had those fleeting moments of joy
they're really fulfilled type that your
experience in daily life maybe it's
honeymoon period when you meet a new
person it could be a shared smile over
dinner a hike that just went
surprisingly well or vacation that
everybody just enjoyed and that one
snapshot in time when everything seems
to be going well when everyone's filled
with hopes and dreams even though they
may be struggling towards it I would
treasure moments like that we're all
struggling towards retirement but it's
going to be an empty pleasure I think
when you get there the type you know is
coming when you experience that midlife
crisis and you realize that the joy is
not going to be necessarily the
fulfilling type where you could end up
there without the people you wanted to
be there with health conditions there's
a difference between joy fulfillment
pursuing something meaningful to you
some ambition or a dream that matters to
you and the empty pleasure of sitting
around by yourself drinking coffee
making YouTube videos watching endless
TV reruns if you find that fulfilling
thing for you then I encourage you to
pursue that because you have to go
all-in life is going to be rough
nothing's ever easy it's going to be
unfair and unpredictable and if it were
anybody else's life then sure I would
say they can go ahead and give it up
just relax
they don't have to try so hard they can
just enjoy their empty pleasures sleep
in all day watch endless TV reruns but
because this is your life you have to go
all-in
now one of the best ways to get past a
midlife crisis is to become more curious
about the world
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use promo code tech lead now before we
wrap up I just wanted to let you guys
know that even though it may looks like
I have lost that life I haven't you know
that was really just the warm-up round
if you've ever played Street Fighter 2
then you know that there's two rounds
and often times actually the strategy is
purposely lose at the first round so
then you throw the other people
off-balance and then you take the other
two rounds and sell into an easy victory
so you guys may think that I'm dumb for
that I'm out of the game but I'm
actually just getting started I can
still make it back and from experience
having lost over $350,000 in the stock
markets before I know that when you are
down 50% deep in the red then you can
still make it back if you double them
but the trick is you got to go all-in
it's gonna be a little bit riskier the
stakes are much higher there's really no
more room for error here but you know
you only live once Yolo so it's back to
basics and we go
one day at a time and there's only one
way to go and that's forward it's time
to stop worrying about what everyone
else is saying or thinking to stop
trying to live that fairy tale story
that you've been fed by other people and
to trail blaze your own path and to make
your story your own we are the captains
of our ships and we stay to the end we
see our stories through now they're for
me if you liked the video give it a like
and subscribe I really appreciate that
check me out over on the instagram at
tech lead HD and until next time thanks
but
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