all right everybody we're back it's all
good Amy Palmer is gonna be out here in
just a couple of minutes but first let
me explain what happened just about this
last month about five weeks ago someone
brought me the March issue of the Good
Housekeeping magazine
I missed March I usually the only one
I've ever not read and and they showed
me this for a reason
they said check out the celebrity recipe
and I've talked about this on the show
but look at this it was an honor of st.
Patrick's Day Conan O'Brien's st.
Patrick's Day stew right there and I
thought for a second I thought oh that's
great then I realized wait a minute I
don't cook I've never had a recipe in my
life I've never made stew in my life
this is not my recipe they clearly were
just stuck on st. Patrick's today they
needed some Irish face to put in the
magazine and they said Conan O'Brien
must like a Guinness in it honey charms
in that storm
well you know I sort of talked about a
little on the air and the good
housekeeping people they they were great
they they called me up they said we're
sorry it was just just a mistake
their editor-in-chief rosemary Ellis
even came on the show to explain what
happened and afterwards she invited me
to visit the famous Good Housekeeping
Research Institute so I decided I gotta
go
cuz no one ever invites me anywhere so I
paid a visit just a couple of days ago
and here's what happened I'm here at the
Good Housekeeping Laboratory in midtown
Manhattan this is rosemary Ellis the
editor-in-chief of Good Housekeeping
magazine thanks so much for having me
I'll come to the Research Institute
these labs are very futuristic of them
they are it is like you've entered a new
society and I notice mostly women and
men who I'm guessing are eunuchs what's
the story there
I was asked I was asked to surrender my
genitals when I enter do we get them
back when we leave okay I'm not using
them this is health Beauty and
environmental
health beauty and environmental sciences
I'm disappointed this door wasn't
electric you know it would have been
cooler sorry
lab coat with my name very nice
everybody I don't think the good
housekeeping lab coat gets the good
housekeeping seal your name is Charmaine
Gillespie yes yes tell us what this
machine does its surface your complexion
analyzer so I'm just going to put some
information in you need information from
me I can tell you things I'm in Aries
okay I'm technically still a virgin
okay father and I are well we're distant
with each other I think I killed a guy
in about 1988 I hit him with my car and
I kept driving up and you're all done
ahh oh my god oh my god what is that
these are actually UV spots on your skin
on the right side of your face it looks
like I saved my platoon by placing my
face over a grenade do you find that guy
attractive be honest let's say I went on
match.com and that's the photo I put up
I see you have the fond learn ein
thousand here this this fondles things
and this machine tears underwear tears
underwear toast fabrics simulating me in
a state of high arousal look at that
we're testing wind boxes to make sure
that when you pack your kids lunches
okay they stay within the proper
temperature do you ever test how well
these lunch boxes protect the integrity
of the food itself from damage would you
like me to test the Hannah Montana for
you right now sure if you want to
pretty well my hand is broken nice not
as nice
this guy can't handle it
let's see if this guy can I like that
that's good
[Applause]
this is Todd you touched some of the
products for durability break ability is
that right yep and we also see which
ones our consumers like right now we're
testing shower radios are you look at
[Music]
how you go what is this machine right
here so this is our drop tester this is
a child cell phone and we're gonna test
if it dropped is that right what
happened to it
care to do the honors yes I would so
pick it up check it out make sure it
still works make sure no pieces fell off
no pieces fell off it still works this
is the Howie Mandel bobblehead sold by
NBC I guess that would be no deal what's
up what's happening in this room this
isn't a very much l'chaim BER we can set
any temperature and any humidity that we
want okay what have you what have you
got around now ninety ninety this is
you've got around ninety ninety can
humans survive in ninety degree weather
and 90% humidity whoo I try it out
well that was terrific you may need some
of the anti-frizz product that we're
testing right now nonsense
I wasn't affected at all by your chamber
better luck next time hey back soon I
will yes I will thank you so much at the
Good Housekeeping Labs is Conan O'Brien
saying this is Conan O'Brien it's a good
housekeeping lab okay baby come back any
boys here we've seen a minute