- SHAYNE: This episode is brought to you
by PlayStation Store. Purchase
Star Wars Battlefront II Elite Trooper Deluxe Edition
on PlayStation Store today.
- Babe, please.
It's my birthday. You promised we could role-play.
- Fine. I'll go get dressed.
[jazz music] Happy?
- [muffled]: Uh-huh.
[groans]
- IAN: Every Star Wars fan ever.
- "Your costume looks amateur," they said.
"Your robot hand looks fake," they said.
Well, we'll see whose costume looks fake
when I show up with a real lightsaber
that I built from scratch in my mother's garage
using her quartz crystal, a little bit of iodine,
and some gasoline.
May the force be only with me.
[music builds up, button clicks]
[explosion, car alarm wailing]
- IAN & COURTNEY: ♪ Every Star Wars fan ever ♪
- Dude, these new Star Wars movies are ridiculous.
They get a new director every single month.
[phone chimes] - Yeah, they just fired
Colin Trevorrow and hired J.J. Abrams.
- See what I mean? [phone chimes]
- Oh, wow. They just switched from him
to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
- Huh. Didn't even know he directed.
[phone chimes] - And now it's Garth Brooks.
- Okay, no. He definitely doesn't direct.
[phone chimes] - And they just switched again
and it's-- Oh, my God.
- What? - Brian,
the new director's gonna be...you.
[dramatic music]
- What the hell? No.
I've never directed anything in my life.
That's insane.
Wait, that photo was taken today.
I bought this sick sweater vest last night.
Dude, I can't direct this movie. I can't!
[phone chimes] - Oh, wait, they just fired you
and hired J.J. again. - [sighs in relief]
Okay. Thank God. Okay. J.J.'s good.
He'll do a great job. - He's really good.
- COURTNEY: Are you team Boba or team Jango?
- Oh, sweet. My new Darth helmet arrived.
Time to add it to the rest of the collection.
Oh, no.
I'm gonna have to get rid of something
to make room for it.
I can't get rid of this straw wrapper.
It came with the soda I had in 1997
when they reissued the original trilogy.
And I definitely can't get rid of this sock.
I wore it when The Force Awakens
trailer came out.
And I definitely can't get rid of my old Darth helmet.
I wore in a screening for Attack of the Clones
in 2002. I mean, the insides
still stayed with my perspiration.
All right, Grandma. You got to move out.
- Aw, rats! I knew this day would come.
[grunts, collapses]
- COURTNEY: [grunting]
- Oh, nice! Poe Dameron.
- You got me. - What's up, man?
I thought you were bringing your son.
- Oh, I did. He's BB-8.
[baby cooing]
- Wait, hold on. He's in the hamster ball?
- Yeah. It was a bit of a tight fit,
but we crammed him in there.
[chuckles] Say hi, son.
[baby whines]
Whoa, careful. [door opens]
Aw, leaving the house already?
Hey, there. Watch out for that hill, kiddo.
[car horn beeps] Whoa!
Watch out for that car, bud.
[train bells ringing] Yikes!
Watch out for that train, sport.
Yowza! Watch out for that plane, kiddo.
[wolves howling] Oh my golly goodness,
watch out for that pack of wolves, little man.
You want to see my Finn and Poe fan fiction?
- Damn it! We lost J.J. Abrams again.
- We need someone to direct this film.
- Yes, but we need somebody who's obsessed
with this universe. You know, somebody
who knows the characters inside and out--
someone who is the ultimate Star Wars fan.
- [clears throat] Excuse me. Hi.
I don't know if you remember me,
but I am George Lucas.
I have actually already directed
a couple Star Wars films. - BOTH: No!
- Get out of here, George Lucas. You're done.
- Seriously, go take a hike, George Lucas.
[sad music] - Okay.
I guess it's just back to Mount Fuji for me.
- IAN: Every Star Wars fan ever.
- SHAYNE: Thanks to PlayStation Store
for sponsoring this episode. If you haven't, purchase
Star Wars Battlefront II Elite Trooper Deluxe Edition
today, at PlayStation Store.
- COURTNEY: If you want to watch "EVERY JEDI EVER,"
hit that box on the left.
- IAN: If you want to see the newest episode
of "You Posted That?" featuring CaptainSparklez,
OMGItsFirefoxx, and Mini Ladd,
click that box on the right.
Captions by: Alex Porter