Hey Ambitious Professionals, it's Linda Raynier of Lindaraynier.com guiding you to a career and life you'll truly enjoy. Now in today's video
I'm going to walk you through questions that you really want to ask yourself if you find that you're someone who struggles with
social anxiety at work, in the sense that you have trouble communicating and connecting with your co-workers and your bosses
but you want to be able to be seen as
leadership material and be considered for senior management positions in the future
As a Career Strategist, I've had the pleasure of helping many professionals land their dream job offers
and if you're interested in working with me one-on-one, I can give you details about that at the end of this video. In
my line of work,
I've met all kinds of professionals
and there are some that I've come across who, maybe this is you, where you are a very hardworking
professional, you do a good job in your company, you are recognized for being someone who works extremely hard
and you take pride in that as well.
But at the same time, you find that when it comes to developing relationships - really solid bonds with your co-workers, with your bosses and
being able to portray that sense of confidence within yourself through the way you communicate
You struggle a little bit in that area and you know that if you really want to become the leader that you deserve to be
in the future that that's something that you really want to work on. So a lot of the time these
professionals would ask me the question, "how can I learn how to communicate better
to my co-workers and my bosses so that they can see me as leadership potential?Now the thing about that is that
communication is one aspect to it
But there's actually a whole other layer that you may not even recognize is something
that's holding you back from even being able to
communicate with them in the first place. Because one thing that I really want you to remember is when it comes to being a truly
great leader, so for example when you look at
inspirational people who are leaders in their fields, you find that there's an element of
authenticity
they're genuine and
there's a component to them that really truly knows themself. So for you,
if you really want to be that great leader eventually in your career, you have to really learn more about yourself; know yourself first.
It's not just about working hard. And the more you can know yourself
it's going to give you an advantage because then the more that you're gonna get to know others.
Because if you can understand your own feelings emotions
thought
processes, you can start to relate to others from that perspective so it's at a much deeper level and so the bond that you can
create with other people, other human beings, is going to be at a much deeper level
than just very surface level conversation. So now let's go through the questions
and I want you as we go through to really ask yourself is this something that I'm dealing with and
From there you'll be able to figure out a way to really improve yourself in that area. Question #1 that you want to ask yourself:
"Is there a place inside of me that is seeking their approval?"
I completely understand that if you were interacting with your boss or your boss's boss or their boss
Or anyone in the you know sort of senior executive management team that at times you may feel
Intimidated because it's hard for you to feel completely yourself around them and especially if you're coming from a background where
You are told to respect your elders growing up especially for someone like me growing up in an Asian household
We were always told to respect our elders and so
Whether or not they were older if they had a higher rank
You had to show respect you had to be polite you had to be courteous
So it's almost like when you interact with them it you feel as though subconsciously
You don't even realize it you're almost feeling as though you're bowing down to them
Because on the inside you think that's a sign of respect. I'm being polite and courteous to them, but do you actually know?
What's happening when you're interacting with them in that way? You're actually making the other person feel a little awkward
Because what's actually happening without you even realizing it is that you're looking to that person to
Validate you to make you feel worthy of yourself
Instead of showcasing your own Worth and your own value just front on with them. You're almost
Lowering yourself to them and asking them to give you approval for who you are. Now, unless that
Senior Manager or Director or Boss, whoever they are is
someone who is wrapped up in his or her ego
And they love going on power trips unless they're that person for the most part
they're gonna feel a little uncomfortable if you treat them that way and
They are going to see you the way that you see yourself because you're lowering yourself in front of them
They're gonna look down on you. Are they not human too?
Are they not of the same essence that you and I are? They are human too.
Just because that they're at a higher level in their career doesn't necessarily mean that you have to
lower yourself in front of them, seek their approval and
show a certain side of you
That is not authentic to who you are. So if I'm telling you to not seek their approval
what do I actually mean? I mean you need to approve of yourself first.
You need to know your value and what your worth is. What you have to remember is this:
people will see you the way that you see yourself.
So you need to turn the lens around and instead of looking at how other people react to you
And how they view you you need to first ask yourself. How do I view myself?
because if you can embody the
valuable, worthy, confident person that you are, the professional that you are, knowing that you're hardworking, knowing that you're smart, knowing that you're capable,
knowing that any company would be happy to have you in the role that you're doing
because you know you've been able to do well if you can start to embody all of that and believe that within yourself then that's
going to
present a different energy
To these higher up individuals or even to just your colleagues and as you see yourself in a more valuable
Worthy from a more valuable worthy point of view they're gonna see that of you as well. Question #2:
"Why do I feel less or smaller than these people in their presence?" Now,
This is very similar to what we talked about in question number one, but this is really about knowing yourself
So let's take it to the next level and dive deeper into this. If you find yourself struggling to develop strong
bonds with people around you, in your workplace, your co-workers, your
bosses and whatnot... you really have to ask yourself. What is causing me to feel
smaller than them? Where did that come from?
That's the real key. The reason why it's important to ask yourself the source
where the source of this truly came from is is because as soon as you can identify?
Where it originated from this feeling of feeling not good enough feeling small is
When you can fully understand yourself, and you can fully understand how you came to
Feel the way that you feel about yourself and once you understand it you bring awareness to it
What ends up happening is you end up detaching from it it ends up. Just oh I get it now
That's why I feel this way. Oh well
I don't have to hold on that hold on to that any longer
And I can let that go. So if you can start to take yourself down to that deep level and say where did this start?
It could have been from your upbringing
Actually the likelihood is that it came from your upbringing
Where perhaps your parents, your family situation,
you were raised in a way where you were taught that you had to lower yourself in front of
"older wiser people" and
You had to assume that you just didn't know as much and if that was the case
You really need to make sure that
That was something that happened to you when you were younger that happened to you back then
But it doesn't have to be something that you carry forward with you now as an adult.
It could have just been an experience that you dealt with but now it's time to
Recognize it for what it is, where it came from,
understand it fully and then fully let it go. And the great thing about going through this
self-reflection deep-dive process of understanding where the source of these feelings come from is
That it doesn't have to take years... it can be instantaneous as long as you're willing to put in the effort to dig deep so
Reflect on this and once you are able to find the answer to where the source of your feelings come from, you're able to
understand yourself better you're able to detach from it let it go and
you're able to appreciate the lesson that it's taught you about yourself and
Then from there you're going to be able to move forward in your career with a more positive outlook and with greater levels of confidence.
Question #3:
"Do I know
how to truly be myself and
express who I really am?" After you've gone through questions 1 & 2 you'll probably get to a point where you're gonna say now:
so what? now what? how do I act in front of others? How do I present myself? How do I express who I am?
Who am I? and the answer is you don't present... you don't act...
You're just simply there.
You're just simply you. You connect. You connect with the people that are around you in a genuine way without
looking to them for approval, without looking to them
to determine who you are. You are instead determining who you are first
Knowing who you are from the inside first and portraying that outwards
Not looking to the world for feedback about who you are and what makes you special and then
Swallowing and taking that in. That's the reverse way of living, so to be a truly authentic genuine leader
It's about living from the inside out. It's about understanding who you are
truthfully from the inside understanding all your nuances and then being able to connect with another
human being in a genuine way
Because the more you understand yourself like I said the more you can understand the other person and the wonderful thing about this is
You're gonna start feeling less fearful and worried about what others think of you because you realize that actually
They're also going through the same
struggles as you that they are also looking to the world looking to others to determine their worth their value and
You can see it in them because you've already recognized it in yourself
And so when you can understand another person you start to feel less fearful about what they'll think of you what they're
What you start worrying less about?
Other people's thoughts because it has no value at the end of the day people are wrapped up in their own issues anyway
So as long as you can clear your own issues then you can move into the world with more confidence
And if you see someone or interact with a co-worker who is dealing with their own issues you can just be present,
observe, assist them if you can, give them advice if you need to,
help them along the way, guide them and interact with them in a way that they're going to feel comforted.
And you're not doing anything above and beyond who you already are if you don't feel like doing that you don't
have to, but it's just gonna be you
interacting with the world, with people in a completely different way and
That's what's going to generate your leadership abilities
You know your ability to connect with others, your ability to understand others is what's going to allow you to?
Feel like a genuine leader, and then once you feel like a genuine leader people are going to feel that you are as well.
So there you have it my three questions on how you can overcome
social anxiety at work and so that you can become the true leader that you're meant to be.
Now if you're someone who is in your current job,
you're not happy there because you realize there is limited growth potential for you, and you're wanting to find the next opportunity
But you've been looking for several months
And it just has not been working and you realize that you need to learn how to sell yourself more
Effectively then feel free to head on over to my website lindaraynier.com/standoutgethired
That's my 1-on-1 coaching program where I work with professionals
Who are looking to land their dream job offers and I help them along that way
Along the way and along the process so if this is something that you're interested in then fill out the application form if and
if I feel that you're a fit,
I will reach out to you. [Music queue] If you like this video then please give it a thumbs up subscribe share it with your friends
Thank you so much for watching, and I will see you next time.