(gentle music)
^- Hi my name is Harmony Dust Grillo,
^and I used to be a stripper.
So I was raised in a very violent neighborhood
and a chaotic home.
Just as an example, Domino's Pizza
would not deliver to us after dark,
and even the police wouldn't come
to our neighborhood after dark.
I remember being eight years old
and someone coming into our home and beating my mother
nearly to death with brass knuckles.
It wasn't until three days later
that the police finally came.
She called them but they didn't show up
and she actually, before she lost consciousness
called a friend who ended up
taking her to the hospital and saving her life.
I can still remember sitting in the living room
when the police finally showed up and knocked on the door
and said that they got a call that there was a disturbance.
So that's kind of the context that I grew up in.
My household was really chaotic
because my mother struggled with drug addiction,
and that meant that I was exposed to a lot
including sexual abuse from a very early age,
starting at the age of five, and then I was raped as a teen.
One of my abusers was my mother's boyfriend.
At that point I was 13,
and I finally started standing up for myself.
I ran away from home.
My mom realized that I was serious
and that I wasn't coming back until he was gone,
so she finally kicked him out.
I came home, only she left with him.
She ended up leaving with him
and so she left me at 13
with my eight year old brother for three months,
with $20 and a book of food stamps.
Obviously $20 didn't last very long.
The food stamps didn't last very long,
so I started stealing from the liquor store
to feed my brother and I,
and it was that summer that I became involved
with an older boy in my neighborhood.
Because of the situation I was in,
I just saw a knight in shining armor.
You know, when he was around I didn't have to steal
because he would buy my brother and I food.
When he was around I felt protected
in that neighborhood that I lived in
because he would always tell me, I got your back.
I'll take care of you.
And so I became really, really attached to him.
I ended up in a seven year long relationship with him
that ultimately became physically and emotionally abusive,
and led me to working in the sex industry as a stripper,
and my boyfriend became my pimp.
So every night I came home and gave him all of my money,
and he completely controlled my entire life.
I was so broken just from years of abuse and low self-esteem
that I let him control my life.
Afraid to leave him, didn't see a way out,
felt completely trapped in that situation.
The thing about the sex industry
is that those of us that are in it,
most of us we end up using a stage name,
and with that also creating
an entire alter identity that we hide behind,
and so I remember the first night I showed up
for my very first shift and the DJ said,
"What do you want to go by?
"What's your name?"
And I had only thought of it, so I said,
"Harmony, that's my name."
And I remember watching him write Harmony
in black dry erase on the whiteboard
and it was just, it was too much.
So I said, "No, no, no take it down.
"I'll be Monique."
And really from that night forward
for the next few years, I became Monique.
Monique was a compilation of other people's fantasies.
Monique wasn't a real person.
She was someone that I could hide behind
while I was working in the sex industry.
Not only was my name fake,
but everything I told the customers was fake.
Everything about the life that I created
for Monique was a complete lie.
It made me feel safe and it was the only way for me
that I could work as a stripper,
but at the same time eventually
I began to lose sight of who Harmony was.
The only people I had contact with were my abusive exploiter
and other women in the club, and the customers.
No one really knew who I really was,
and honestly I didn't know who I really was.
You know, a lot of people think the sex industry
is so glamorous and so empowering, but it's hard.
I don't think a lot of people see the reality
of what women working in the sex industry
have to deal with on a day to day basis.
There's a lot of talk nowadays about sex trafficking,
and we're hearing all these stories about sex trafficking
and that it's happening here in the United States,
but what I don't think everyone realizes
is that 70% of female trafficking victims
are trafficked into the commercial sex industry.
That means they're working in strip clubs.
They're working on porn sets.
They're working for escort agencies.
They're working in every single area of the commercial
sex industry, that's where they're working.
We can't turn a blind eye to that,
and I think that's super important for people to know.
We get called names,
and touched when we don't want to be touched,
and you know I remember there were several occasions
where a customer would violate me,
assault me, sexually assault me,
and you know I would (laughs) actually I was so angry,
I would just take off my stiletto
and I would literally beat them in the head with it,
and I felt so powerless.
From my perspective it was self-defense
but they would look at me and see a woman
working in a strip club that's half naked
and think basically that I was asking for it,
and so working there was really hard.
Ultimately what got me out of that,
it began with a friendship,
and just a person who loved me unconditionally
and didn't judge me for the crazy life
that I was living, just loved me.
It was through that friendship that I saw an example
of a woman who had boundaries.
She really inspired me,
so eventually I started going to church,
and I started just pursuing a relationship with God.
My heart started changing, my mind started changing,
and I started to believe that I'm lovable
and that I have value,
and that maybe I was even put on this earth
for a purpose that was beyond
working in the sex industry as a stripper
and being stuck in an abusive relationship.
I finally got the courage to leave the ex-boyfriend/pimp
and leave the sex industry,
and start on this recovery journey,
this healing journey that completely changed my life.
I remember a few years after that,
I found myself sitting across the street
from the strip club where I used to work,
and I felt like I was sitting outside of a prison
that had once held me captive.
I knew that there were other women who worked there
who maybe still felt as trapped as I once did,
and I wanted to do something to support them.
So I didn't know what to do,
and I just started writing hand written notes on postcards
and put them on their cars and just let them know,
like hey, I've been through maybe some things
similar to what you've been through and I'm here for you.
It was from that moment
that the vision of Treasures was birthed.
I ended up starting
a nonprofit organization called Treasures,
and we are an outreach and support group for women
in the commercial sex industry
and victims of sexual exploitation and trafficking.
We reach women with the simple message that changed my life,
and that message is that they are loved,
and valued, and purposed, and that support is available
for them if and when they want it,
if and when they're ready,
and that we're willing to just show up
and love them unconditionally
and walk with them through their process and their journey.
Stripping changed my life.
I was already a super broken girl going into it,
and whatever sense of identity that I had left,
I felt like stripping stripped away from me.
I didn't think I would live to see 21.
I thought if someone else didn't take me out,
I was gonna take my own life 'cause I was that hopeless,
and at the same time you know,
now I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing
if it weren't for stripping,
and if it weren't for everything that I went through.
What I really hope in sharing my story
and sharing everything that I've shared today
is that people will see the humanity
in the woman on the other end of the dollar,
and that behind every image that you see
of a woman in a strip club, in porn,
is a real person with a real story.
(gentle music)