Anonymous – Hey Tripp. I would appreciate it if you kept me anonymous. Love the podcast. Here's
my question. How long should you wait for a girl who says she is not ready for a relationship? I've
been dating a girl for over four months, who got out of a long term relationship with her
boyfriend, who was cheating on her. They broke up a few months before we started dating and she was
very depressed and in a dark place, she lost 40 pounds after the breakup. She says she needs time
to heal, and can't make any promises right now. And I get that. But how long is too long to wait?
We both told each other we aren't seeing anyone else. I'm wondering if I should start seeing other
people, ask her if I should start seeing other people, break it off if this isn't going anywhere.
I really like this girl. She's a 10 and the highest quality girl I've ever dated in my life.
But the uncertainty of not knowing if this will go anywhere is eating me alive because I've become
attached. I'm cool with taking things slow. But it feels like I'm going around in circles. We
spend entire weekends together. She got me a super expensive cologne for Valentine's Day and it feels
like a relationship just without the label, which is why it feels wrong for me to start seeing other
people or ask her if I should. Thanks." Gosh, a great question. Here's the number one thing...
big lesson here gentlemen and anonymous... don't date women just out of a relationship.
And this is one of the reasons why. She will not be emotionally ready for a new
relationship. And clearly, here's a prime example of that, this is the example, she's not ready.
Maybe she's not over him. Who knows what's going on? This is not something that you can
fix now. It's kind of like that question of how do I get out of the friendzone? It's like
well you should have avoided it in the first place. And for you anonymous, you should have
avoided this in the first place. Now again, I know that that advice doesn't do much for you
now. It should hopefully for the future though, and everyone out there. Do not date anyone fresh
out of a relationship. There's some exceptions here. I mean, if she was dating a guy for like a
month, that's nothing. But we're talking about like if the girl was in a very serious long
term relationship and she just got out of it. You won't find many women in that case. And if you do,
I wouldn't think about getting into anything serious with this person for a long time. Or
maybe at all date her. Because, again, look what happened, your words, you got attached.
So you got attached and now you're in a little bit of trouble here. Here's what I say man,
I don't think you should be seeing anyone else. She needs to heal. I mean damn dude,
she needs to heal. She's like dating you and needs to heal. I have two answers. One,
you could just keep going with her and eventually, this girl will end up getting attached to you as
well. The more time you spend with someone, the more times you have sex with someone, everybody,
including her will get more and more attached. I even bet that if you were to leave the situation,
then that might happen. Also, my friend, you are a rebound, which is a big problem too.
I'm working through this in real time. That's one piece of advice, I might not stand by it. Here's
the second piece of advice, which I might stand by more. The second piece of advice is absolutely
date other people and see her at the same time. And this can cause her to end up actually
realizing that she wants to be with you and cause jealousy. The thing is, you think it feels wrong
to start seeing other people. It's not. The whole idea behind asking a woman to be exclusive,
the whole idea is that you're not seeing other people. So if she can't put a label on it, well,
that's what the label means. It means we're not seeing anyone else. So as much as it feels wrong,
it's not wrong at all. You can be seeing other people. Now that I'm working this out of my head,
here's my answer for you, and I'm sticking to it. You should be seeing other people.
There is no reason why you should be committing all of your attention and
sexual attention to a woman who's not giving you what you want, which is a relationship.
She needs to understand that and I'm not trying to punish her.
But this is the reality, the reality is she knows that she does not get all of you.
You need to be putting yourself out there and dating other women even if it's hard.
I don't care if she got your super expensive cologne for Valentine's Day. She doesn't want
to be in a relationship. She can't make any promises right now. Well guess what?
There's two people in this "situation-ship". And if she can't make any promises right now,
guess who else can't make any promises right now? You. You need to be going out,
meeting other women, and getting with a woman who has a high level of interest.
Well, it seems like she has a high level of interest because she's spending time with you
all the time, which is what I always say is the main example of high level of interest.
Still, you want a relationship. That's what you want and you're not getting that. She's
not seeing you as someone who's super valuable and I bet you that hurts your self-esteem, doesn't it?
If she really liked you, she would be like yes, yes, of course. And most women want that anyways,
but she'd be ready for relationship. I bet you she'd be ready for relationship with
Leonardo DiCaprio. She's saying to you sorry, I don't see enough of the value.
She doesn't see that. Well guess what? She doesn't get all of you either. Go out there my friend.
Meet other women. Date other women. And now she's just one of the girls that you're dating.
because she's not committing. And you should be doing that anyways. Guys, you should be meeting
and dating lots of women. I talked about this in a recent podcast episode as well as a YouTube video.
You need to be dating multiple women. Absolutely. And it's not wrong until you get into an exclusive
relationship that is communicated to each other. Gentlemen... please,
please don't give your all to one woman who's not ready to give it all to you.