- How do you read anyone, anytime?
You see, one of the most valuable skills
that you can master in life and business,
is the ability to read people.
You see, over the years I've met so many people.
I cannot tell you how many people
are absolutely clueless.
They don't know how to read people.
They don't know how to ask questions.
And they have no clue.
You see, as a global educator, as a business man,
I have to have the ability to read people,
just because I meet so many people every single day.
I've met thousands and thousands
and thousands of people, face-to-face.
And today I also have my executive director,
Desmond Soon, joining me,
because I think Desmond is such a super connector.
He is also very good at reading people.
Very often, he would go out there
and he would actually do a lot of meetings
on my behalf.
So, Desmond, maybe also give our audience
a little bit about your background.
Because he's got a fascinating background,
by the way.
- I'm honored, thank you very much.
Seafood Dan Lok, you know me,
I call him Seafood Dan Lok, Dan Lok.
And, really behind the scenes,
I'm known as sort of the Happy Hogan.
I'd like to be Pepper Potts,
but that role goes to Jenny. - (laughs)
- And I'm not as beautiful as Pepper Potts,
so that goes to Jenny.
I'm the Happy Hogan to Tony Stark over here.
And it's a true honor to work with,
and to just be mentored,
and just partnered with Dan Lok.
I guess maybe a bit about my background,
like how I got into this.
I started off at a very young age.
I was very fortunate to get into the hospitality industry,
the hotels here in Vancouver, British Columbia.
And I rose in the ranks very quickly
to being a bell captain
and then a concierge in training.
And the concierge in training really taught me how to--
I still speak very fast.
And my personality is, you know,
I tend to be very extroverted,
so one of my first mentors told me how to slow down,
how to articulate my words.
And then, from doing that,
I started to associate and mingle
with some of the most wealthy,
the richest people in Vancouver,
the billionaires, the millionaires.
And it forced me to speak to them on their level.
- Yes. - Though they are higher,
but they accept you into their inner circle
when they can feel that you have the etiquette
or the right vernacular to speak with them.
So I had to learn that.
Now, obviously they still look at you
as someone lower than them, but not just general public.
So that was the first experience.
And then the second was when I was in Japan.
Obviously, the Japanese culture is very polite.
I learned a lot about etiquette there.
And then I got into the corporate world.
So the corporate world with the enterprise companies,
the big Fortune 500 companies.
I worked at Goldman Sachs, I was at Lehman Brothers
the morning they got shut down.
I was at high level consulting firms
like Mackenzie and Accenture.
So, there as well, when you're dealing
with executives and corp, I was the young guy--
- All about connecting and reading people.
- I had to learn how to read them,
not just be the talker.
I had to listen and I had to--
You know, I'm a small Asian and I look young,
so I needed to present myself as a more mature,
more trustworthy person. - Right.
- And so I had to read their body language
and adjust to them to make them like me
in a very quick, short period of time.
And then, I think the third segment of that,
where I really learned those skills and mastered it was
when I had the restaurant business,
as well as, I moved into the music industry
where I dealt with real life celebrities.
- Correct. - So people like Quincy Jones,
Lil Jon, most of the big names that were working
with RedOne Productions at that time.
- And you have actually spent a lot of time
with the celebrities.
- I had to.
I was the chaperone for them.
I would meet them, greet them.
I would actually have to make sure they'd shown up at shows
and didn't party too much or get hungover
for the next day. - (laughs)
- Some of the movie industry or the music industry--
- He's got a lot of inside stories, by the way.
- (laughs) Which, you know, sometimes, NDA,
I might not be able to release everything to you, so.
I want to respect them.
But, during that process I think what I learned
was my skill set, you know,
if that's what you're interested in learning,
is learning how to read people,
like Dan has talked about here.
And adjusting yourself, similar to
the concepts taught in maybe, Dale Carnegie's book,
How to Win Friends and Influence People.
- And today what we're gonna do is
we're gonna teach you some of the fundamentals
on how to read people that will help you in business
or in all areas of your life.
Well, first, let's define reading people.
What does that mean?
To me it's very, very simple.
It's by observing people, sometimes from a distance,
and knowing something about them,
getting a feeling without them telling you.
- Yes.
- That's it.
It's very, very simple.
The way they talk-- - Why?
- The way they walk, right, the way they stand.
- But why is that important?
If you're in anything to do with sales,
or business, or negotiating--
- Or for the relationship.
- Yeah, your family.
You want to have that upper edge
when it comes to negotiating
or influencing them. - Correct, correct.
- So, if you can read them, you have an advantage.
- The first thing, eye movement.
So when you are communicating,
when you're talking with people,
look where their eye movement goes.
Now, I'll give you a very simple example.
If someone is afraid to make direct eye contact with you,
let's say they're looking down,
and they're like hiding.
They don't want to make eye contact.
Well, they may be hiding something.
They may be shy.
They may be intimidated.
So if you can see, just look at people's eye movement.
Now, if they're looking at the top left corner,
what does that mean?
- Top left corner means they're trying
to remember something. - Yes.
- So it could actually mean-- - A memory, you know.
- Yeah, a memory. - A memory from the past.
- If you ask them a question, you know,
"Who's your favorite,
"who's your best friend from high school?"
And they look up to their left,
you know they are probably telling you the truth.
- Correct.
If they look on the top right corner,
what does that mean?
- They're constructing an image.
Doesn't necessarily mean they are lying,
but it's more on the creative side, they're constructing--
- They're visualizing something.
- Yep. - 'Cause sometimes,
they're like, this theory,
oh, if you're talking to somebody and look in their right,
top right they're lying.
Not necessarily the case.
They could be just visualizing, right?
- They could just be visualizing.
I'm a very visual person,
so sometimes if you're getting me to visualize,
say a concept, or a structure, or a process,
you might see me look to the right.
I'm not lying, I'm just visualizing.
- What if they're looking at the bottom left corner?
- Bottom left is having an internal dialogue,
means that when you,
you could be disagreeing with the person.
It could be your beliefs might be different
from what you're hearing,
and you're kinda conflicted, you know.
I am being very overly simplistic here.
There's lots of books out there
and things you can read on it,
but for now, this will give you the general understanding--
- So if someone is giving you,
you're giving them a piece of advice.
- Yes.
- They're looking kinda like this,
chances are they're kind of disagreeing.
You're challenging their system of belief.
They're good at thinking about it.
You can see, they're like that, right?
That's what happen.
What about bottom right corner?
- Feelings.
- Feelings. - Definitely feelings.
So, especially if you're talking to the opposite sex.
And for men, if you're speaking with women--
- Emotions.
- You wanna be watching for that.
Because if they're looking down to the bottom right,
they're definitely digging into some deep feelings.
So the difference between internal dialogue and feelings.
Internal dialogue, feelings.
- That's right, so that's eye movement.
Number two, distance.
When you're communicating with somebody,
if they're, like, far away,
it means they're probably not quite,
they're not listening.
They're not interested in what you have to say.
But if they are getting closer and closer
as you're talking to them,
it means they're responding positively
to what you have to say.
Right? - Yes.
- What's the research says?
- So, remember this number, write this down.
Seven,
38,
and 55.
- Correct.
- Right, so 7% accounts for the words we actually use.
- What you say, the words that you use.
- 38% accounts for the tonality in how you say it.
And then the last 55, the majority of it,
is actually the physical--
- Non-verbal communication.
- The non-verbal. - Keep that in mind.
- So, with 55%,
the majority of body language coming
from the non-verbal gestures,
you have to be very cognizant of that
when you are communicating with people in a one-to-one,
or even sometimes on a video screen.
If you're on a teleconference,
you want to make sure that
the physical gestures you're using,
like you can see my hand my movements.
Or in a physical setting,
me touching Dan. - Yes.
- My knee touching his knee. - Touching, yep.
- Or maybe he's pulling away from me.
Those are very, very important
to give you clues and cues how to adjust
and match them.
But, Dan, you also talk about when someone
mirrors your body gestures, right?
- Mm-hmm, that's number three, mirroring.
- Yes. - So when you're talking
with someone and if you can see
that they're trying to mirror your body language,
example, like this, right?
And you can test different things out,
or if I am doing this, and Desmond doing that.
It means that this person is trying to establish
some kind of bond with me-- - Rapport.
- Some kind of rapport with me, right.
Or I'm leaning more like this way
and he's also doing that, right.
That's what I'm talking about.
That's all mirroring, right?
- I know you do this in negotiations,
I've watched you do it. - Correct.
- Where you're closing a deal in front of a person,
and that person sits back and crosses their legs.
- That's correct, and I do the same thing--
- So then you do the same thing as well, right?
- That's correct.
- And you cross the exact same leg as well.
- That's correct.
And what's very interesting is,
you're almost doing this dance.
At first, you may be mirroring them.
- Yes. - And later on,
now when you are leading them,
they are there mirroring you
without even being conscious about it.
- That's right.
- So that means, you know what, you're building rapport.
- Be very careful though.
Don't do it so obviously. - Yeah.
- Do it very-- - Not like this, not like,
oh, you do this and then he does that, like that, no.
- That's a kids game, don't do that.
- No. (laughs)
- That's what my kids do with me.
- That's like very stupid.
You don't do that, okay?
Number four, head position.
If someone is talking to you and their, like,
head and chin is up like that,
it means we got arrogance, right?
They're like, I don't, I'm looking down.
I don't know if I'm interested in
what you have to say, right?
Or you notice, kinda like what I call the turtle head,
they're more like this.
- Yeah, they're slouched down.
- Yeah, that means they could be hiding something.
They're afraid, they're scared.
I don't know, I'm lying, right?
Kids do that all the time, like--
- Yeah. - "Hey, did you do that?"
Like, "Oh, I don't know."
Right? You can see.
Kids are super good, right? - Yes.
- You will know you when you read them.
Now, sometimes if you see a tilted head,
kinda like this, mm-hmm, okay, all right.
That means they kind of, they have empathy--
- Yep.
- Towards what you're saying, right?
If it's like, a tilted head with a smile,
that's probably a playful kind of person.
That's almost, in a relationship,
that's a flirting, kind of like--
- Yeah. - Hmmm, right?
- And it's kind of the thinking along with you,
so sometimes you'll see them go from one side to the other,
mm-hmm, yeah, and you'll see 'em nodding.
They'll go, "Yeah, hmm, I see, I see."
Right? - That's right.
Number five.
Your arm movement.
- Yes. - This is pretty simple.
If someone has their arms crossed like that all the time,
it means they're trying to protect themselves, right?
Your opinion of what you're saying,
they're like, "Hmmm."
They're shielding from influence.
- Right.
- It's a very natural position.
Or, on the other hand, they're a little bit more open.
Like this, like okay, and we're talking,
that means they're more open to what you are saying, right?
- Or even if they lean in,
like if they're putting their hands on their chin
and they're listening to you.
Naturally, with the men and for women obviously,
if a girl's leaning in,
that means you've got her attention.
And if she's playing with her hair,
obviously, that's a flirting thing.
She likes what you're saying.
She's interested in what you're saying, so.
- And if you can see people sometimes when they're talking,
they're playing with their hands too much.
- Yeah. - This actually means,
oh, I like this. - Yes.
- This is good, I'm excited about this, right?
- Or they're thinking, their fingers are tinkering.
- Right, I'm thinking about-- - Tapping, tapping.
- Like, how can I make that happen, right?
- If you watch Dan's videos,
when he's thinking, he uses his right hand a lot
and he's almost like counting money.
You'll see him doing this.
- Did you just reveal my secret? (laughs)
- Oh, did I?
Maybe that's the Easter egg right there for you.
Comment below, if you like that.
- Yes.
- But, you'll see, watch these things.
Watch for these gestures. - Yeah, I do.
I do, I do. I think with my hands.
Especially my right hand.
- One of the body gestures,
I know this goes different from the arms,
but it's the legs.
If someone's nervous,
sometimes they think, like, ADD
or people who are scatterbrained,
their leg is going like,
they're bouncing the knee, they're bouncing the leg.
And in Asian culture that's actually seen as a bad thing.
- Bad thing.
- I think in any culture it's a bad thing.
If you're doing that, it's not very sophisticated.
So be mindful of that, yourself,
as well as also the other person.
If you're watching and you notice
their leg is shaking under the table--
- Like this, yeah. - Yeah.
They're usually thinking about something or they're nervous.
You've got the upper hand on them, yeah.
- Speaking of leg movement,
that's the very last tip we have for you,
is, exactly, your position.
When you're talking to someone, if you can see
that they are pointing their knees towards you,
they're interested in what you--
This is a great bonding, right here.
- Right.
- On the other hand,
if their knees are more like this way,
that means I wanna get out of there.
And sometimes you notice also people's knees and their feet.
If it's pointing to the exit--
- Yes.
- That means they wanna get out of there.
- Stop talking.
- So let them go.
They wanna, they wanna, they wanna go.
This is very like-- - Yep.
- That kind of movement.
So you gotta pay attention to the world of body language.
Are they open up to you?
Are they talking?
If this is like touching, this is very good.
- Yes.
- Now, not too much,
you don't do too much of it. - Right.
- But if you want to bond with someone,
sometimes you can also just--
You know what. - Do a quick test.
So what Dan just did there? - Right there.
- If I suddenly pull back a bit, quickly release.
Don't touch. - That means it's no good.
- That person doesn't like touching, right?
- Or if I shake your hand,
they reach out, this is good, right?
This is all very, very good.
Or sometimes, you're talking,
you do it very quick like that.
Not to man to woman, that's sexual harassment right there.
But man to man, hey, you know what buddy?
That kind of thing.
- The pat on the shoulder-- - That's perfect.
- Thanks, let's do it, you know,
let's go ahead. - That's it.
So those are some of the fundamental skills
on how to read people.
Comment below and let us know what else you wanna know.
Maybe practice some of these techniques
and try them on just with your colleagues,
your friends, your business partners, your spouse,
and see how they work for you.