- In an age fueled by social media with filtered images,
overexposure to fake images of perfection,
and everyone's life seeming more glamorous
and more perfect than ours,
it can be so easy to fall into the trap
of losing our self-worth,
comparing ourselves, chipping away at our own confidence,
so keep watching,
and I want to show you
how to not only regain your confidence,
but to keep it high all the time.
So how can you become and stay more confident?
Well, it starts by making some changes, making some choices,
looking at confident people, what do they do?
How do they talk?
How do they carry themselves?
One of the things a confident person does not do
is apologize.
"I'm so sorry, I'm late.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so difficult.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so needy."
They say other things, "Thank you for waiting for me."
So a confident person makes a choice.
"I'm going to say, 'Thank you so much for waiting for me.
"'Thank you so much for being there.
"'Thank you for helping me out.
"'Thank you for understanding that right now,
"'I'm going through some challenges.
"'Thanks for showing up.'"
They say, "Thank you," more and, "Sorry," a lot less.
And that is a choice.
If you want to be confident, use confident language.
Don't say, "I'm all right, me.
"I'm not bad, I have good..."
Say, "I am amazing.
"I'm so gifted at IT,
"I'm a phenomenal cook,
"I'm such a tolerant, kind, caring parent."
So practice using kind words to yourself.
And confident people actually tell you
what they are good at.
"You know, I'm really good at IT.
"I'm so good at cooking.
"I love knocking stuff together.
"It's a gift that I have."
So practice being kind to yourself,
practice saying nice things to yourself,
and use positive affirmations.
Wake up and go, "Hey, how do I want today to go?"
Affirm, intend, "Today, I'm going to get up,
"I'm going to give myself a healthy breakfast.
"I'm going to leave for work early,
"I'm going to have some healthy food to snack on,
"I'm going to make the most difficult calls first.
"Today, I'm going to visit my mother-in-law,
"she's always difficult.
"I'm going to be so kind, so tolerant,
"I'm going to really tune in to what she needs."
When you can affirm, every day, how you want your day to go,
you kind of have a blueprint to move towards.
And then understand how your mind works.
Our primitive mind wants to go back to what is familiar
and wants to avoid what is unfamiliar.
Make praising yourself, being nice to yourself,
and growing your own confidence familiar.
There is nothing that will boost your self-esteem
and indeed yourself confidence like your own praise.
And what does that sound like?
It sounds like, "I was really calm today,
"I helped someone out.
"I was nice, I was kind.
"I worked later.
"I gave more to my customers,
"I had a great idea and I shared it.
"I really came up with some great ideas."
So focus on what you did well, use positive affirmations,
make praising yourself familiar.
And while you on making praising yourself familiar,
make criticizing yourself unfamiliar.
There is nothing on the planet
that will boost your self-esteem like praise.
And there is nothing that will wither it faster
than criticizing yourself.
Critical people have the most criticism
reserved for themselves, and they tend to express
their inner dissatisfaction; don't do that.
Stop criticizing yourself and begin to praise yourself.
Constructive criticism is fine.
"You know, today I didn't leave enough time,
"I didn't eat proper food, I ended up living on cookies
"all afternoon, now I'm a bit cranky,
"I'm going to do better tomorrow."
So it's okay to have something constructive,
but you want to have only constructive criticism,
not destructive.
Stop trying to be perfect.
People who try to be perfect are without question,
the unhappiest, but they're also the loneliest.
That is no perfect, nothing is perfect.
And if you could be perfect, you'd be alone
and you'd be unhappy.
The best you can ever be in your entire life
is a flawed person having flawed relationships
with flawed people,
and that's such a relief, you don't have to be perfect.
Neither does anyone else.
So make some small changes, here they are,
"I'm going to be nice to myself.
"I'm going to stop saying, 'Sorry,'
"I'm going to stop expecting perfection of myself,"
because small changes over time add up to huge changes.
I'm always a fan of little, tiny things that we can do
that actually change our entire life.
One of them is saying, "I am enough."
"I am enough.
"I'm lovable.
"I matter just the way I am."
That small, little thing can have a massive impact on you
And awareness, awareness of who you are, what you're doing,
why you're doing it, what is your purpose?
Why are you here?
When you have an awareness of how you can do better,
it really helps you to practice being better.
And do not compare yourself.
"Look at that person, they've got more than me."
I've often had people walk into my office
who are stunning, breathtaking, look like they've been steam cleaned,
head to foot in designer clothes,
and you think, "Wow.
"I want to be you."
And then when they speak,
I saw that once with a lady who was so stunning
and beautiful and elegant
and carried herself like a movie star.
And she said, "My life is miserable.
"I had an arranged marriage to my husband.
"He's such a nice guy, I can't even stand him to hold my hand
"because I've loved my cousin my entire life.
"I wasn't allowed to marry him,
"and I have to stay with this man, because if I leave him,
"he will get custody of all of our children
"and the youngest is only two, and it's intolerable
"and I'm drinking just to cope."
And I thought, "Wow, oh, I don't envy you anymore.
"I'm free.
"I have custody of my child.
"If I didn't love my husband, I could leave tomorrow."
And I felt so lucky.
So be careful when you compare yourself to a movie star
or a superstar or someone who's a model,
and remember, people who seem to have it all,
like Whitney Houston, they're often desperately unhappy
because the stress and the pressure of balancing
having it all, for them, can be too much.
So don't compare yourself with anyone.
You are unique.
Don't try to be perfect.
Don't compare yourself to anyone,
your life is a work in progress.
Look at, "Wow, I'm so much better than I was last year.
"I'm calmer.
"I'm more tolerant.
"I've learned something new."
If you need to compare yourself to anyone
only compare yourself to your past self,
and only if you believe your present self is doing better.
So confidence, you may think people are born with it.
That isn't true.
It often is a choice.
Confident people say, "I'm good at this.
"This is my area of excellence.
"This is my unique skillset."
You know what they don't say?
They never go, "Oh, don't mention it.
"It was nothing."
When you say, "Wow, I love your book,"
they go, "Thank you so much.
"I loved writing it."
"I love that TED Talk you gave,"
"I'm so glad you said that
"because I really enjoyed preparing it."
"I love this food you cooked," they don't go, "Well, you know,
"I didn't get the right seasoning
"and it had a few missing ingredients.
"It's not very good."
They go, "Thank you so much.
"I really enjoyed making it for you."
Confident people don't go, "Don't mention it,"
when you praise them, they say, "Thank you so much.
"I'm glad you noticed,
"I'm glad you like my product.
"I'm glad you're enjoying my business.
"I'm so glad you think I'm a great yoga teacher,
"Pilates teacher, IT technician."
Don't say, "Don't mention it.
"It was nothing."
Let in praise and say, "Thank you.
"Thank you so much."
So it's time for you to have phenomenal confidence.
The confidence you deserve.
And by the way, you were born with it. No baby says,
"Oh, don't look at me.
"I've got triple knees and no teeth and milk spots."
When you were born, someone came in,
they counted your fingers and toes,
maybe put their hand in the crib and tickled your tummy,
and you kicked your little legs because you were like, "Oh,
"you're looking at me? And I'm worth it."
So the good news is you were born with it,
you can reactivate it, regenerate it, recreate it forever.
And if you would like to take a deep dive into reactivating,
regenerating, re-manifesting supreme inner confidence
that you can keep forever,
you can try it for yourself
by joining my '21-Day Confidence Challenge.'
It can change you in the most wonderful way.
Click the link below, I can't wait to see you there.