life is brutal but it isn't my fault
we don't need to go far to find the
horrors pains and sorrows in life
multiple deadlines catching up once
great friendships going sour quarrels
back home piling up
there's always something but that
something never starts with us we stand
day as the waves of troubles follows us
never leaving us behind we no longer
live in a bubble because bubbles pop
eventually we've advanced that's why the
latest trend is to put on a filter a
filter is attached right on top of our
true selves the one growing hue
radiating out onto our physical viewers
in real life we portray this behavior
confidently to our viewers and we act it
out
we behave in a way that our chosen
filters would allow us to act to the
point that we are in belief of our own
lies
eventually we can't even see through the
smoke and mirrors anymore
we have grown used to deceiving
ourselves lying positively for ourselves
rejecting the haters who only want to
bring us down
we're just questioning to stay afloat
for as long as possible unbeknownst to
us making the fall from grace
unnecessarily harder I did not realize
how true this was until I started using
mr. Google to answer all my life crisis
driven problems examples of my
adventures with mr. Google included
questions similar to why doesn't he love
me as much as it does did before oh why
am I not getting that grade a promotion
that I so rightfully deserve or even why
don't my family understand me anymore
let me run out the answer is almost
always given to you it goes something
like this
you were pitiful creature you everybody
is out there purposely trying to get you
leave them before they hurt you in a
further it felt good being told that I
was not wrong
being the so-called wrong party we might
not see that a pattern causing this
epidemic
what is this epidemic it's a passing of
blame the blame never falls on the
person that is asking it's always
someone else something else
when we constantly push blame and reject
responsibility
we are only honing the skills of
redirection making little amendments in
life unnecessarily harder sometimes
leaving is warranted especially when
there is suffering and abuse but not the
mundane everyday troubles you see we are
our own biggest cheerleaders in life why
shouldn't he be in oil that gives us
nothing we won't always be surrounded by
loving understanding sympathetic and
most of all energetic people in our
lives but we are emotional creatures we
want only to feel good and to think well
of ourselves and even with the best
intentions we lie once we get to this
point of life our life will have reach a
stagnant Hall every day would seem
unfulfilled where it used to once ring
sufficient contentment this stagnation
can hit for many years before we realize
with not only hit and surpass rock
bottom we've been digging deeper into a
new interpersonal abyss I was dead not
long ago and the idea of how I can start
to make myself feel better was looming
over my head
taunting me to face it what was this
idea it was painfully simple that I
should have been brutally honest with
myself from the start
the idea is simple enough difficult to
truly understand and even harder to
implement so I want to jump right into
the ways that we reasons why we should
be brutally honest with ourselves
I'd give only four reasons for today
reason number one because no one will do
it for us even the closest relationships
will have its boundaries we are human
beings who's called fundamental core is
for connection and acceptance what we
are used to is a polite kind of honesty
something that is pleasing to the ears
but it's enough for us to believe that
maybe the other party is being brutal
the friends who used to be brutally
honest with us no filter in your
judgment they're no longer our friends
even the extent of even our deepest and
closest friendships and relationship is
for companionship and survival people
rarely want to rock the boat and make
each other better off and even if our
friends were brutally honest to us and
we accept the blows of realization we
should not put that responsibility on
them we should not rely on another
person for ownself growth they have got
their own issues and self exploration
and life crisis of their own we should
not become a willing burden all in the
name of love reason 2 because we won't
grow when we are too comfortable being
too comfortable does not necessarily
mean that one is in cloud 9 and
everything's going our way and at least
for the moment we feel and there's no
need to change the context that I'm
painting for you today is when one is
too comfortable in what is familiar when
one is familiar with being unfulfilled
we have believed and become too
comfortable in believing this
being too comfortable doesn't mean that
one is on is in this being too
comfortable could also mean that one has
been acclimated too long in the
suffering and are wanting anything
better for us in our life would be too
difficult to even dream for third reason
we should be brutally honest apostle
because toxicity goes both ways
oftentimes we decide between one or the
other
we either are in total relief that we
are the toxic one or the other party is
what we fail to remember is toxicity
goes both ways
one or the other could be toxic or being
together could be fueling each other's
toxicity the thing with toxicity in this
nature is is no machine to tell us how
radioactive our surrounding has become
it can happen slow and subtle we become
comfortable with either being toxic or
being around what is toxic most of us do
not catch from this situation soon
enough because most of the time we want
to be in the situation's may be due to
reputation potential opportunities or
even loneliness you mustn't forget that
although we should detach ourselves from
what is toxic we should also keep in
mind that it is easy to just fall into
the trap of being toxic ourselves
sometimes it's not just about saving our
own mental health sometimes it's also
about saving others from well us lastly
being brutally honest reason for
because the ego is too strong we are
programmed to be together well not you
and I specifically I mean all of us
no matter how much of recluse we claim
to be they would always be a level of
intimacy that we inculcate with a set
group of living beings could be our
drinking buddies on a Sunday but a cats
that we feed after work at the wet
market no one is free from the warmth or
the grow of the chill of another human
being and as much as we are too
embarrassed to admit most of us wants to
be acknowledged and appreciated and
pegged and loved wanted but the ego is
too strong the ego is seen as the devil
sitting on your shoulder whispering no
praise giving you no chance to even try
the ego has good intentions he has a
partner in crime
the ego is heavily influenced by fear
often times we know what we want at
first but later on when you realize that
it's not cool or accepted to like what
we like we shove our true feelings
deeper down can't hide it forever the
heart wants what it wants and thus that
fear with its knowledge of rejection
turns itself into ego the eagle is
domineering loud and seemingly logical
the ego drowns us until it becomes a
personality but at the same time what
happens we reject what we truly are in
what we truly feel we fear the rejection
so we act in such an unruly manner at
the end of the day we our our own
reasons for why we feel because we don't
try here's one example imagine this we
finally found that someone that we can
totally jive with we move in a
comfortable strip together secretly
befall in love then we just had to ruin
everything by asking the other party so
where is this relationship headed the
party is that they're not interested in
anything serious or committed at the
moment but we don't feel the same we
want commitment and seriousness we want
pets and a home together preferably with
that person so we become desperate we
fear losing that person then from that
desperation comes fear that we won't
find anyone else after this person from
there we become ego to save our face we
put aside our own feelings and give in
so we tell them that we say we want the
same exact things even though we don't
this is not a fairy tale
we all we all know what the most
probable outcome is and it would have
saved us a lot of tears and pain and hot
eight if we were just beautifully honest
with ourselves from the start now that
we've heard some of the reasons why we
should be brutally honest with ourselves
we want to take action
thankfully the process is free but not
necessarily easy personally for me I
realize I needed to make a change when I
was stagnating too long I was not moving
backwards or becoming worse off I was
just not becoming better or moving
forward in my life
even though I put in a lot of effort to
do so I was stuck and it felt like how
could nothing be wrong but feels so
wrong at the same time this will be a
very simple tool easy step plan first we
gotta start having conversations with
ourselves this can happen anywhere as
long as we are truly talking to
ourselves for me this is not easy at all
I easily have four different
conversations going on in my head I
can't stop them but we've got to put
away that voice of worry that voice of
sarcasm and really get down to business
we got a dig deep and bring up the
painful memories accept it as it comes
along once we manage to quiet down our
minds and have a conversation with us in
ourselves comes part two as the title
suggests we should be brutally honest
meaning drink said in the conversations
we should make it a point to not lie we
should always check in on with ourselves
check in that the questions and answers
that we are posing with our own selves
are truth even if it means bringing up
embarrassingly stupid past events or
realizing how
tragically awful we've been treating the
people we so-called love we have to play
the role of check-and-balance
because once we tell a lie the
constitutive conversation would not mean
a thing because the foundation was a
lying to stop for me it took many years
to accept being brutally honest with us
myself I could not face all the mistakes
and failures that were my own a lot of
inner turmoil loud conversations in my
head pushing and pulling with myself but
Here I am now on a TEDx stage feeling
proud of myself there's no way I can
wrap this whole idea up before mere
reasons but I hope to at least open up
the top of this idea to one person if I
have done that I would have been
successful today nothing needs to be
wasted regret should not be regret
should be the foundation of learning and
growth it should not become the
emotional chain and stuns us no doubt
the truth hurts realizations of our
mistakes and failures would be too much
to face sometimes but there is no better
way around it then to go chew it
honesty should be fruto life doesn't
have to be
[Applause]