If you are dealing with somebody who is
gossiping about you- a gossiper.
And that kind of disturbs you emotionally.
This conversation is going
to be very useful to you.
Gossipers are everywhere.
There is a segment of the population.
That's all they do.
They thrive on gossips.
That's why television shows like TMZ or
the gossip about celebrities
or National Enquirer.
That's why they are so
popular for years and years.
Because some people it's
like a drug for them.
They need to get their fix.
So they are always going to be gossiping.
For some reason, there are some people
who cannot stand two people living
in harmony in a good relationship.
They see a couple, a married couple,
and the marriage is going extremely well.
And so they get a little bit of jealousy
and they start spreading rumors.
They start gossiping to the husband about
the wife or the wife, about the husband.
They get a job and the team
is doing really well.
And they get on the team
and they start spreading rumors.
They start gossiping,
trying to turn people against each other.
You will find those
people even at churches.
Yeah.
You go to church
and then somebody is there and that person
goes home and gets on the phone,
calls a bunch of people who don't even go
to that church and they start gossiping
about, guess who, their pastors.
They are gossiping about the brothers
and sisters and the church.
But, you know, the worst part?
The worst part is when somebody is talking
bad about you, somebody is spreading
rumors about you and you have
not done anything to the person.
And you just keep wondering,
what have I done?
Many years ago, I had a job as a doorman
at a hotel and we had a wonderful
team. We got along with each other.
Great.
Except that there was one guy on the team.
He really knew how to connect with people.
He knows how to befriend people.
But you know why he was doing that?
He was doing that because he wanted to get
as much information as he can get
from somebody and then takes
that information and start gossiping.
I remember I was getting
along fine with the guy.
We used to talk until one day he decided
he didn't want to talk to me anymore
and he started gossiping about me.
He started spreading rumors about me.
And basically, he was trying to break me.
He was trying to get to me.
There's a lady in the PBX
and she called me one day.
She was a friend.
And she said, Rene, I just don't know,
what have you done to such and such?
Because he is always saying
something negative about you.
But you never say anything
negative about him.
I said, well, that's OK.
He is a good guy and maybe he has gone
through some crises or
a stage in his life.
I was okay about it until my boss,
George Rodriguez, who is no
longer living on this planet.
I remember he called me in his office.
He said, Rene, I need to talk to you.
He said to me, I'm going
to share some things with you.
I don't really believe them because,
you know, I really like you on the team.
You are a great guy.
But I've been hearing some rumors.
I just wanted to have
a conversation with you.
And he started listing all the things
he's been hearing about to me.
I was listening
and I was thinking to myself, okay,
I know the source of this information.
I know where it's coming from.
Then he said this to me.
He said, Rene, you know
what else I've heard?
I said, What George?
He said.
They say you are selling
drugs on this property.
I was like quite
selling drugs on the property.
And I really started laughing.
And George said to me,
"why are you laughing?
What's so funny about that?" And I was
laughing because it was
my way of coping with it.
I just couldn't believe
the guy said that about me.
Of course, I know George.
He is a great guy.
He didn't really believe
anything he was saying to me.
He just wanted to let me
know what was going on.
After I left his office,
finally, the guy got to me.
He broke me down emotionally.
I mean, I had a pain,
a discomfort in my chest.
I had a.
Not in my chest.
I literally could not breathe.
And I was so devastated.
I got home and the whole day I kept
thinking about this whole situation.
Why would somebody be so evil?
I didn't do anything to the guy.
I remember I was laying in bed
and I just couldn't fall asleep.
I kept thinking to myself,
"what am I going to do?
How am I going to actually deal with this
situation?" I mean, I love my job.
I didn't want to really quit my job,
but it appeared to me at the time
that was the best option for me.
And I said to myself,
"I'm going to quit the job." I went
to work and there was
a gentleman much older than me.
I called him my dad and he called me son.
So he was my adopted father.
His name is Robert Hampton.
I learned a lot from Robert Hampton.
And I know I'm always
talking about excellence.
That's why I learned about
excellence from Robert Hampton.
He is such a classy guy, full of wisdom.
In fact, we were both nominated
for the Award of Excellence
for Marriott International.
And I didn't get it because,
you know, he was a better man.
So he got the award.
So I went to Robert.
I said, Robert,
"I've got to share something with you.
I think I'm going to quit my job.
I think I'm going to go somewhere else
to see if I can get a job,
because there is a situation that I can
deal with it anymore." Robert said to me,
"I know exactly what you're talking about.
And I know who is the guy.
This guy, he gossips about everybody
to everybody." "He had gossiped
about me to other people.
I've been working with him for years.
That's just the way he is.
Look, no, I'm going to do everything
within my power to make sure you don't
quit this job because you
are a good team player.
You're all my son or any.
I can't let you go.
You got to stay.
You've been here for six years."
And Robert went on and he gave me a plan.
He said, here's what you need to do.
He said, change your shift.
Instead of working seven to three,
work three to eleven.
Like that, when you come to work,
he will be going home and you don't
have to interact and see him.
And that's exactly what I did.
I changed my shift and I
was okay after that.
And later on, the guy actually
started turning around.
Everything was fine.
That is why today, a
ny time I speak at a company,
there's a shock in my keynote presentation
where I target the gossipers
in the workplace.
I actually speak to them indirectly
because I don't know who they are,
but they know who they are.
And I try to say something to see
if I can shift the behavior.
When somebody comes to gossip to you about
another person,
you should never tolerate the gossiper.
Because if you do, you become a gossiper.
Your job is to deflect the gossiping.
And the way you do that is you instantly
say something positive about
the person they are gossiping about.
You say, while such and such is
a wonderful person with a lot
of good qualities.
What you do, you force the person to move
from being a gossiper to now
thinking about something positive.
That's the way you deflect it.
And so the redirect part of it is
automatically you ask a question
that changed the conversation.
You said something like.
By the way, how is your daughter?
How is your son?
Here's what I want to share
with you about this.
If somebody is gossiping about another
person with you,
you better believe it, they will
gossip about you with another person.
You might be saying where they are.
You don't understand.
We are buddies. We are good friends?
I don't buy that.
They will gossip about
you one way or another.
I promise you.
What you need to realize is this person
who is gossiping, who is
spreading rumors about you.
This person is hurting.
This person has a low self-esteem.
This person is trying
to get some attention.
You might be saying to yourself,
Rene, come on.
Some people, no matter what you
do, they will never change.
I know that.
I said that already! Didn't I?
I know they will never change
because they just love gossiping.
But here's what I want
to communicate with you here.
Do not waste your breath.
Do not waste your time trying
to change that person.
Instead, work on yourself.
Reprogram your mind.
Be proactive and prepare so that when they
start talking about you, it doesn't get to you.
The reality is some people will not
like you no matter what you do.
Even if you do everything they want you
to do, according to their specifications,
according to their version of what will
make you a good person, they
will still gossip about you.
They will still not like you.
It is what it is.
Listen, everybody has
a right to their opinions.
But did you know you have a right
to either accept their opinions
or reject their opinions?
You know what I say to you...
Reject their opinions.
So check this out later on.
Years later, I found out that the guy
who was giving me a hard time,
who was gossiping about me,
he was actually jealous. Yes!
because at the time I started reading
a lot of books on personal development
and I was improving myself.
And that's the time I said I'm
going to be a motivational speaker.
And I started working on my book and I
used to share all this information
with the guy, but I didn't
know he was jealous.
When you decide to become the best version
of yourself,
when you decide to improve yourself,
to up your game, when you decide to step
out, to start living your dream,
to do something significant,
people are going to feel jealous.
Why? Because you are going to make
them feel uncomfortable.
The fact that they are spreading rumors
about you, the fact that they are saying
things that are not true about you,
that's a way of distracting you from your
path so that you can stop
pursuing your dream.
So if you don't settle for that.
Keep pressing on.
I hope you've got a lot
from this conversation.
And next time you hear people gossiping
about you, you know,
it's a form of distractions
and you never let it get to you.
All right.
Take care.
Have a good one.
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