(light music)
- Hey, Keith!
Um, sorry, I know you probably don't like to talk about it,
but I am so, so sorry to hear about your cancer.
- Yeah. I don't really love talking about it.
- Yeah, so specifically, like what kind is it?
- Oh, it's a gastrointestinal stromal tumor.
(gasps)
Only 4,000 to 6,000 people have it in the United States,
it's pretty rare.
(gasps)
- A rare cancer for a rare individual.
- Oh Jesus, Courtney, no.
- You know, everything happens for a reason.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- So just gotta stay strong, Keith.
- Yeah, stay strong!
(laughs)
- You!
- Do it again, do it again!
She did it again. She did it again.
- Whoa!
- Wow, look at him go.
Holding that hot sauce and grape jelly
like he doesn't even have cancer.
- You're talking about me?
- You are such a fighter, Keith.
- A warrior.
Look at him standing there
holding hot sauce and grape jelly,
even though his body is weak and frail.
- And falling apart.
like an Olympian.
- Or an ancient Greek god.
And armed with nothing but hope.
- I'm just trying to make coffee, guys.
I feel like everyone's treating me differently
because I have cancer.
- Ah, that sucks, man.
Not you though, you're perfect.
You can never be annoying.
Now where's this cancer?
- What? (explosive drum beat)
- I'm just trying to rub it out of you.
Don't worry!
My weed dealer, Brandon, loves it
when I massage his cancer.
Is this it right here?
- Ow!
- Oh I hurt you!
Did I make it worse?
Did I give you extra cancer?
- I wish someone else could develop an ailment
and just take all this attention away from me.
(glass breaks) (thuds)
- [Shane] Oh, my ankle!
- Oh that was fast.
(classical music)
- Yup, Shayne Topp broke his ankle trying to wipe his ass.
- Yeah that sucks.
- Yeah, more than sucks.
It's a tragedy!
- Are you okay?
- It's just, it's so much life left in him, you know?
Like he's so young.
- There's no minimum age to break your ankle.
- You know, I bet it would mean so much to him
if you were to give him some words of encouragement.
- Fine.
Hey Shane!
I heard about your ankle.
And that really sucks, man.
I'm sorry about that.
- Oh Keith, you don't have to say that.
- I know, I know.
It's just a broken ankle.
- You have to call it a tragedy.
(low-bass boom)
- Are you serious?
- It's a scary time, Keith.
You wouldn't understand.
I'm trying to take it day by day, but it's hard.
I found out I might lose all of my hair.
- Now, why would you lose hair?
- There's a history of male boldness in my family.
- He's so strong.
- I can't, I can't.
(sobbing)
- Where are you going?
- It's just, I can't--
(crying)
- What is going on?
Noah, are you crying too?
- He's so strong!
(sobs)
- Oh my God.
Jackie.
- What? Yes?
- Are you serious?
- Look at him.
- I'm looking. It's just a broken ankle, guys.
Damn!
Oh my God, the bosom hug.
I never got one of those.
Why can't I get a bosom hug?
(Courtney yelling)
Nobody gave me a bosom hug. I can't get a bosom hug?
- Tommy, stop laughing and get back to work!
Spencer, you need to blow dry your hair, it looks stupid!
Courtney, those socks don't match those shoes at all!
- Oh Shayne! That is so brave, thanks.
- Shayne, what are you doing?
- Lisa, from HR, felt bad about my ankle.
So she's letting me get rolled around the office
and let everyone know where there's room for improvement.
Tim!
Tim, those glasses look stupid, take 'em off!
- Yes, sir.
- Don't look at me when I'm talking to you!
- Oh, sorry sir!
- I was never allowed to do that.
(multiple crashes and thuds) (Tim groaning)
(claps)
(classical music)
- Here comes the Honda Civic!
- Ah!
More! More!
- Oh hell no.
Shayne, does your ankle prevents you from feeding yourself?
(gasps)
- Keith! That is so insensitive.
- Yeah Keith, I'm going through a lot right now.
- Well, actually I'm going through a lot right now too.
I have an abnormally low white blood cell count.
So someone might want to give me a hug
or $50,
or some new shoes?
- It's okay.
It's okay, Shayne.
You're going to be okay, Shayne
(coughing)
- Oh my God! Do you have COVID?
- No, but I do have cancer.
- We know that already.
- Do you know how hard it is right now?
I can't work out.
My calf muscle is deteriorating.
It's getting smaller and weaker.
It's gonna look, it's gonna look like yours.
- Yo, you are really milking this.
- No! (crying)
(laughing)
- Oh man, Shane! It looks like you win again.
- Wow, I had no idea that whoever has the most cards wins.
- Mm-hmm.
(loud thud) (yelling)
- I've fallen and I can't get up!
My poor disease (indistinct)!
Somebody come shower me with attention right now.
- You know what, Shane?
I think you're my best friend.
- Uh-uh.
Hey, I'm the one with cancer.
- Oh, that's awesome, Keith.
Yeah, I'm an Aquarius.
- I'm a Virgo.
- Man! (beep) this (beep) god--(beep) bull--(beep)
(beep) (beep) ass bull--(beep) bitch!
- Classic cancer, so emotional.
- Yeah. (chuckles)
- What the (beep)?
- (beep)
I mean, uh--
Ah! Ah!
- Oh, it's not actually broken, is it?
- Fine. No, it's not actually broken.
I'm faking it.
I sneak into here to work out and hide from everyone.
My calf isn't actually deteriorating.
My calves are actually getting way buffer
and bigger every day.
- Why would you fake an injury?
- For you.
- Huh?
- Keith.
I saw how much attention you were getting
because of your cancer.
And I wanted to take that attention away from you,
as a friend.
- That is the most twisted thing I've ever heard, Shayne!
- Keith, it was actually such a huge sacrifice for me.
It would have been easier if I actually broke it.
But telling a lie for you
to make your life easier
was so hard for me.
This has been a huge burden on me
and I did it because I love you.
- You need to tell everybody you've been faking.
Come on, let's go.
Right now, right now!
(thud) (glass breaking crash)
- My ankle!
And my cancer.
(groans)
(classical music)
- You're so strong, Keith.
If there's anything you need, just ask, okay?
Don't hesitate.
Just ask me, okay?
- More grapes please.
- Hey Keith, I told my girlfriend
I pick her up in like an hour, is that--
- Let her wait!
- Okay. I'll just--
(shushes)
be furniture.
- More grapes please.
(chuckles)
- Warrior.
(chuckles)
- Can I get some grapes?
- [Both] No!
- More.
(indistinct) that on.
(laughing)
(gibberish)
(laughing)
Hey y'all!
This probably the most personal video
I've done since I've joined Smosh.
Cancer is something that no one plans for,
but it can happen to absolutely anyone.
I didn't think it would happen to me personally.
So with all that being said,
do me a few favors.
Hug all your loved ones,
go to the doctors and get your checkups
and also take care of yourselves.
And go donate to our friends
over at Stand Up To Cancer.
The link is in the description.
- I did actually break my ankle,
just so we're clear.
- All right, bye Shayne.
- Now back to you, Shayne.
(laughs)
Bye guys.
- Did you take his window?
- Yeah.
(laughing)