- Can we eat 50-year-old pretzels and live?
- Let's talk about that.
- Good mythical summer.
- Like all things in life, summer has to come to an abrupt
and devastating end.
But don't worry, the last death rattle
of summer's heaving chest means one thing.
Good Mythical Morning is coming back.
- Right.
- Yeah, we will be back to our regular schedule
of an episode every day, five days a week,
beginning with our Season 14 premiere on August 20th.
- Okay, but today, we're bringing back other stuff.
We've consumed discontinued soda,
discontinued candy, discontinued cereal
for your sick and twisted amusement,
and we had so many fun things from those segments
we never got to try.
- Mm-hmm, that's why in this segment,
we have to continue.
It's time for To Be Discontinued: Random Snack Edition.
Today, Rhett and I will be tasting some snacks that,
for whatever reason, have been discontinued,
and then we'll decide bring it back or nah that's whack.
- Alright, let's get fast and loose
with expiration dates y'all,
and with that in mind, do not try this at home.
- First up, let's talk late '90s.
It was a simpler time
and 3D technology was still cutting edge,
so you know snacks had to follow.
And they did with Doritos 3D.
Basically, if you blew up a Dorito chip like a balloon,
this is what would happen.
Let's take a look at a commercial.
- Uh, interesting.
You oughta see that lady at the post office.
- Alright, so pop these open.
Now years ago, they were first introduced in 1998,
and they were discontinued from widespread production
in 2012.
We paid $15 for these on eBay,
and technically, they're still available in Mexico,
which is where we got these from,
which makes this an interesting discussion.
- Because they're fresh.
We're tasting them as they're supposed to be presented.
- Yeah.
- They're so uniform.
You know I thought this was gonna be like Bugle situation.
- No.
- You know Bugles are all different.
- Well, I would say that this one is flatter.
It's not as puffed as this one.
- Oh well, all the ones I put in my hand
were surprisingly uniform.
- Dink it, dink it, dink it, dink it, dink it, dink it.
- That doesn't count.
That doesn't count, yeah, throw that one away, that's a dud.
It's got a Bugle-like flavor but with cheese.
- It's that classic Doritos nacho flavor.
It's a little milder though.
It doesn't hit as hard.
- I don't know if this is an improvement on Doritos.
- It's not, but
it's its own thing.
It is interesting because they're so airy and light.
- It's just a bloated Dorito.
- Yeah.
- That doesn't have as good a flavor as Doritos.
I think we just gotta say.
- [Both] Nah that's whack.
- When I think about kangaroos,
I think about the fact
that they're physically unable to move backwards,
an oddly inspiring life lesson.
So let's hop ceaselessly forward into eating Dunkaroos.
- I remember these.
- You remember those, yes.
The cookie slash frosting dip combo were a 90s staple,
but why don't we let a seemingly maniac cartoon kangaroo
explain that to you?
- Dunkaroos is the cookie you dunk
for as much frosting as you want.
So how do you do your Dunkaroos?
- The super duper deep dunk.
- The long distance dainty dunk.
- You can dunk a Dunkaroo in as much
chocolate or vanilla frosting as you want.
- That kangaroo is currently in rehab.
- From all of the frosting?
Yeah, it's like this is the greatest
excuse just to eat frosting straight.
- These were first introduced in '92,
then discontinued in 2012.
And we paid $19.99 on eBay.
So these are at least six years old.
So not a fresh Dunkaroo,
but not dangerous probably.
We might start seeing things like arms extending
and kangaroos taking things out of pouches.
- Now these are vanilla frosting and rainbow sprinkles.
So I'm not gonna open up another one,
I'm just gonna.
Ooh, is it, is it hardened?
- It's not as smooth and creamy as it probably once was.
It smells like a regular cream.
- Dink it.
- Sink it.
I love the idea of these though, you know.
It's like a cookie that you get to decide
how much frosting you want with every bite.
- I not only love the idea. - Of course, with the
six-year-old frosting.
- It's a little pasty,
like literally like paste, like adhesive paste.
- It's lost something with the water that has
slowly evaporated out of the.
- You know what it's like?
- Is it kangaroo milk, what was it?
- It's kangaroo milk and now it's like kangaroo cock.
It's like something you would put around
the edge of your sink.
- Kangaroocock.com.
- I finally caught on, but it was too late to back out
because kangaroos can't do that.
- Oh, you're telling me that you were still thinking cock.
- Well, that's what I was saying.
- I don't.
- Here's my thing though.
Yes, it's not great,
but it's not horrible and it's this old.
These need to be brought back
because it's an amazing way to play with your food
and eat a lot of frosting.
- I think you got a little too much kangaroo milk
in that last bite.
- I love it, man.
- But I like the idea of these so much
that I can imagine that if this was fresh cream,
it would be spot on.
- These need to come back, Rhett.
- Alright, that's the official verdict.
Dunkaroos.
- [Both] Bring it back.
- Okay, we're still in the '90s
to re-experience Squeeze Pops,
the answer to the question,
can we make a candy for toothless babies?
Ours is classically flavored blue raspberry,
a taste that has never existed in nature.
Let the unnatural tasting commence.
- Look at this thing.
It looks like an aquarium.
- It does, that's pretty cool.
Now, this is a special edition aquarium pouch
that was, again, only sold in the '90s.
- To encourage children to just
stick their heads in aquariums and.
- Slurp.
- Yeah, whatever they get.
- Now, be careful with that because we paid $100 for it.
- I already broke the seal.
- And according to the seller on eBay, it's from 1995,
so we're talking 22, potentially 23-year-old aquarium candy.
- It's not coming off easy.
I'm gonna try and take these things off.
- That's a seal, huh?
Oh gosh.
- Cut this part off.
- You want to just lop off the whole top of it?
That's gonna ruin the squeezability experience.
- Yeah, I can't do that.
What was on these scissors?
There's something black on the scissors.
- Let me see if I can just open it.
Got it.
I don't know what it did to my finger.
- That was from what was on the scissors.
I really don't know.
- Oh my gosh, guys.
- It was some sort of ink.
- This is hardened.
- I think I can get it out though.
- Like, feel it.
It is not. - It's like gum consistency.
- Oh my gosh, you're not gonna be able to get anything out.
It's like a sucker.
- I'm gonna have to use these scissors
that were used to kill a squid.
- You want to just cut it open?
- Yeah, let's just, I mean.
- Oh whoa, this is not in the spirit of squeeze candy.
- It's fused.
The plastic has fused.
It's like what's plastic and what's aquarium juice.
- Look at that, we cannot pull it apart.
- What is it supposed to be?
Water inside of an aquarium?
Are there fish in there?
You want me to?
I think you just. - It's like a.
- You just lick this part.
- It's like a Jolly Rancher that's melted
and then reformed inside of a pouch.
- It has become the plastic.
I'm just gonna get it as wide as I can.
And then we just lick on it.
- Lick it like a sucker?
- Mm, try that.
- It's like a sucker at this point.
- Can you imagine what it'd be like
if it was being squeezed into your mouth?
- Just pure.
- Joy.
- Sugar.
Sugar joy.
I don't know.
There's lots of squeeze things on the market now.
A lot of them are very healthy,
so I just don't think that.
- Bite it off.
- I don't want to.
- Do it.
It's just candy, man.
- There's no way I'm gonna get it out of my teeth.
- It is so plasticky.
- This is silicon cock.
- Yeah, right.
- And it should never be brought back.
- Nah that's whack.
Pete Rose is perhaps best known
for being banned from baseball
and ineligible for the Hall of Fame for betting on games,
but what he's not known for at all
is the Pete Rose Supercharger Energy Bar,
and we're about to find out why.
- This thing is old, right?
- We don't know exactly how old it is.
It was sold in the late '70s and early '80s,
and then Pete's career ended in '86,
so it is at least 32 years old.
We got it for $29.99.
- What a steal.
- Yeah, it's a steal.
The slogan on the back reads, "Nature's answer to candy."
- What?
Nature?
- But the number one ingredient is corn syrup.
You know, nature's answer to candy.
- It's on a board.
So we've got that there.
- Pete was like, put my bar on a board, man.
- Like a paper board?
Ooh.
- What does the board smell like?
- The same as the candy, horrible.
- Oh gosh, yep.
It's got that.
We've tasted stuff like this before.
- It smells like.
- It's taken on a.
- Nasty cardboard.
- To me, it smells like old Play-Doh or clay,
you know what I'm saying.
- [Link] I'm gonna break it in half.
- [Rhett] It's like absorbed.
- [Link] Oh my gosh.
- [Rhett] Well, it certainly broke.
- I hope that. - It's a clean break.
- I hope that that bulbous brown stuff
was originally in there
and not like an egg that's been laid.
- Yeah.
- Here, here's your half.
- We're taking a gamble on getting diarrhea
by eating this.
- Okay.
Dink it.
Maybe we should bring it back.
It's hard to bite.
- I can't get through it.
- Your tooth might break.
Okay, I got a wedge y'all.
- What is that on the outside?
That is not chocolate.
- It tastes like the bugs that we eat on the show.
It's so.
- I don't think it'll be safe to swallow this.
I don't think it'd be safe to swallow that in 1978.
Do you feel the energy though?
Can't you feel the supercharge?
- Oh yeah, I feel like I can just bet on stuff.
- Yeah, we can probably plug an iPhone into this thing
and charge it.
- Oh my gosh.
- That will get the clicks.
- Use an old candy bar to charge stuff.
- Sorry Pete, please don't hurt us,
but we're gonna say.
- [Both] Nah that's whack.
- These packaged rings made of pretzel
are from either the 60s or 70s.
Basically, the point is, they are old as heck.
The year of discontinuation is also unknown.
Maybe they never existed at all.
And this entire segment is a figment of your imagination.
- Look how little there is. - Let's see, guys.
- On there, there's just writing on there and then.
It's like a rain stick.
- Make it rain, Rhett.
That's all the salt off of the pretzels?
Alright, we paid $120 for these on eBay,
and it says.
- The only pretzels made to music.
So they knew it was a rain stick.
- No, no, they didn't say the only pretzel that makes music.
I think they played music in the factory
while the pretzels were being formed.
- That Granny Goose was such a good boss.
- Now hold on, before you open it,
while we don't know much, we do know that these pretzels
pre-date the existence of UPC codes,
which were widely used in the '70s,
and that makes these at least 48 years old.
- Yeah, there's no UPC code.
There's just.
First of all, none of them have broken.
I mean, these things have been holding up
this ring shape for a long time.
I want to try to keep the bag,
oh nice, look at that.
- Smell it.
- It smells a lot like Pete Rose.
- You know what, every time we do this freaking segment
with discontinued stuff, I get a headache,
and it hit me hard
when I sniffed on that. - Yeah, I've already got it.
- There's something that is headache inducing in old food.
I'm sure it's great for us.
- They also didn't have to put ingredients on anything.
- All the salt has fallen off of this ring.
- They seem like they can hold up though.
They're still a ring.
- Nope, that one bursted.
- But it feels like it's still gonna have its crunch.
- It had a little crunch in my hand, yeah.
Alright, dink it.
- What if we made, what if we made them go together
like magicians and then we were stuck?
- Oh yeah, let's do that.
- You know how to do that?
- Oh, they're stuck. - Oh, whoa, look, whoa-ho.
- And now let's release them, ah.
48 years old, dude.
- It's like eating like.
- The exoskeleton.
- Like a ghost's finger.
- Like the finger of a wraith.
- Yeah, it just tastes like old, rotten bone.
- It's not as bad as Pete Rose's energy bar.
- It isn't.
I don't think I can swallow it though.
I don't think I should swallow it.
- It tastes like a building material.
- You probably could do quite a bit with it.
- But you know what?
- The salt is falling off.
- With so few pretzels on the market these days,
should we bring grandma's Granny Goose's ring pretzels back?
- Yeah.
- No.
- No, we shouldn't.
Of course we shouldn't.
- I mean the pretzels we have today Granny Goose,
they form a knot, they look cool.
Yours are just freaking rings.
- Yeah, things have gotten way advanced in the pretzel game
Granny Goose, so we're sorry to say, nah.
- [Both] That's whack.
- Okay, how long should we wait to see if we're okay?
After you eat 50-year-old pretzels,
how long do you have before you know something's wrong?
- The rest of my life.
- Okay.
- Thanks for liking, commenting, and subscribing.
- You know what time it is.
- I'm Molly from Massachusetts studying in London.
This is Edinburgh, Scotland,
and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
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