FOLKS, I AM, I AM EXCITED, NO, MORE THAN THAT, I AM
BLESSED THAT YOU ARE ALL HERE FOR OUR SPECIAL POPE
SHOW.
WE'RE GOING TO POPE IT UP.
WE HAVE BEEN GETTING READY FOR THIS FOR A MONTH.
IN FACT WE MADE A SPECIAL POPE SHOW OPENING AM JIM,
THE POPENING.
>> TOUR DEFRANCIS, A NEW POPE, I HEART NY HOLY C,
HUMBLEFEST TO 16.
-- 2016.
>> I THINK THAT'S KIND OF COOL.
BUT NOW THAT HE'S HERE AND I SEE HOW MODEST THE POPE IS
BEING I REALIZE I NEED SOMETHING A LITTLE LESS
FLASHY.
SO LET'S TRY SOMETHING ELSE HERE.
OKAY.
WELCOME.
(APPLAUSE) THAT'S MY KIND OF INCENSE.
NOW FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH CATHOL SIM,
FIRST OF ALL, ENJOY AN ETERNITY IN LIMBO.
SECRETARY, I SECOND YOU MIGHT BE SAYING TO YOURSELF
WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS ABOUT, AFTER ALL ISN'T THE POPE
JUST AN OL GUY IN A DRESS WHO SAYS HE TALKS TO GOD.
THERE WAS A GUY LIKE ON ON MY TRAIN THIS MORNING.
WELL, LET'S TAKE A MOMENT RIGHT NOW TO EXPLORE WHAT
MAKES THE HOLY FATHER SO HOLY FASCINATING IN
TONIGHT'S THE DOPE ON THE POPE.
THE POPE IS THE LEADER OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THE
HEAD OF STATE FOR VATICAN CITY.
IT IS MY FAVORITE AUTONOMOUS ENCLAVE WITHIN A MAJOR CITY,
RIGHT AFTER THE DALLAS AIRPORT CHILIS 2.
HIS HOLINESS IS KNOWN BY PAIN NAMES, IL PAPA, BISHOP
OF ROME, VICAR OF CHRIST, SUPREME PONTIFF AND ON WORLD
OF WARCRAFT, ATHROG THE DEATH HAMMER.
(LAUGHTER) THE PAPACY ITSELF GOT ITS
START 2,000 YEARS AGO WHEN JESUS TOLD HIS APOSTLE WHO
WAS THEN CALLED SIMON, QUOTE, SIMON BAR JONAH, THOUGHU ART
PET ARE AND UPON THIS ROCK I WILL BUILD MY CHURCH, AND
THAT IS HOW THE APOSTLE SIMON BECAME PETER "THE ROCK"
HAVE SON.
BECAUSE PETER WAS HIRED BY JESUS HIMSELF.
EACH OF HIS SUCCESSORS HAS A DIRECT LINK TO GOD.
IT'S ONE OF THE PAIN BENEFITS TO BEING A POPE
ALONG WITH COMPREHENSIVE DENTAL AND INFALLIBILITY
WHICH IS ONLY WHEN THE POPE IS SPEAKING EX CATHEDRA OR
FROM THE SEAT OF ST. PETER, BUT IF ARE YOU JUST HANGING
OUT CASUALLY AND THE POPE SAYS THE GODFATHER III IS A
WORTHY CONCLUSION TO THE TRIOLOGY, FEEL FREE TO CALL
BULL.
AND WHILE THIS POPE SEEMS LIKE A PRETTY SOLID DUDE,
THE POPES OF THE PAST HAVE BEEN A BIT OF A MIXED BAG.
THERE WERE THE THREE POPES OF AVIGNON, THE BORGIAS WHO
LOVED THEIR ORGIES, THE PITT CALL FEMALE POPE JOAN AND
THE BRIEF BUT HILARIOUS REIGN OF POPE RALPH.
SKIPPING AHEAD, SKIPPING AHEAD TO THE -- CENTURY ONE
OF THE MOST TRANSFORM DIFFICULT POPES WAS POPE
JOHN 23 SHOWN HERE IN THE WITH THE CAPE WITH DA FUR.
JOHN THE 23rd EVERSAW THE DRAMATIC REFORMS OF THE 2nd
VATICAN COUNCIL OR AS IT IS MORE KPONLY KNOWN VATICAN 2
THE FAST AND THE AN CITY NATIONAL.
JOHN THE 23rd IS THE ROLE MODEL OF POPE FRANCIS WHO AS
WE TAPED IT IS TOUCHING DOWN AT NEW YORK'S KENNEDY
AIRPORT, ASSUMING HE MADE IT THROUGH SECURITY.
THE FLOWING ROBE AND RELIGIOUS HEAD GEAR ARE TSA
BAIL.
OF COURSE TOMORROW IS THE BIG EVENT, A MASS AT MADISON
SQUARE GARDEN.
IT'S GOING TO BE UNFORGETABLE WHEN HIS
HOLINESS DUNKS OFF A TRAMPOLINE.
HE COULD BE-- HE COULD BE THE FIRST POPE EVER TO PULL
OFF A 3 OF 0 TOMAHAWK BAPTISM-- BUT SHEBANG.
BUT HIS HOLINESS STARTED HIS DAY IN OUR NATION'S CAPITOL
WHERE HE BECAME THE FIRST PONTIFF TO ADDRESS A JOINT
SESSION OF CONGRESS.
>> THE PEOPLE OF ISRAEL.
>> Stephen: I HAVE TO CLEAR SUPING REALLY QUICKLY,
CATHOLICS DO NOT SPEAK IN TONGUES.
THAT WAS JUST HIS ACCENT.
AND WHILE THERE WERE THINGS THE POPE SAID TODAY THAT
BOTH SIDES OF THE AISLE APPROVED OR DISAPPROVED OF,
THERE WAS ONE MOMENT THAT BROUGHT THE WHOLE CONGRESS
TOGETHER.
>> LET US REMEMBER THE GOLDEN RULE.
DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU-- (APPLAUSE)
>> Stephen: WHOOO!
WHO!
YEAH!
DO UNTO OTHERS, YEAH!
-- I'M SURE THAT'S THE ENOF THE SAYING.
MOVING ON!
SOMETHING CONGRESS CAN LIVE BY.
AND AFTER THE SPEECH, HE HAD LUNCH WITH THE HOMELESS
INSTEAD OF THE LEADERS OF CONGRESS, POSSIBLY CUZ HE
WANTED TO EAT WITH PEOPLE WHO WERE LESS LIKELY TO BEG
HIM FOR DONATIONS.
AND-- (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
FOLKS, I THINK THAT IS SO REFRESHING.
EVEN THOUGH POPE FRANCIS IS A HUGE CELEBRITY NOW, HE'S
STAYING TRUE TO HIS HUMBLE NATURE.
HE IS ESCHEWING ANY KBLITS GLILINGTS AND GLAMOR NOT
COMING ON THE TV SHOWS, BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THE DOOR
IS ALWAYS OPEN, AND SHOULD THE MOOD STRIKE YOU I'M
READY FOR YOU HERE IN THE ED SULLIVAN.
I STILL HAVE, I STILL HAVE, I STILL HAVE THE HUMBLE-- THE
POPECHAIR.
(APPLAUSE) YOU WILL NOT FIND A HUMBLEER
POPECHAIR.
AND IF YOU CAN'T MAKE IT, I UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE A BUSY
GUY.
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M GOING TO BE PRETTY MAD IF I
SEE YOU GETTING DAY DRUNK WITH HODA AND KATHY LEE.