My next guest, Tracy, is married
and has a two year old daughter.
But as an only child, she has the sole responsibility
for her mother, Tracy, who lives in Los Angeles,
says she's worried about her 70 year old mother,
who lives in Hawaii.
But Carolyn says she's
not ready to leave Paradise just yet.
Growing up, my mother and I were inseparable.
We're not like mother and daughter, we're like sisters.
Hello.
Hi.
My day would not be complete if I didn't talk with Tracy.
She is my heart.
Watching my mother age is very difficult.
I worry about the next chapter in her life.
I am so set on keeping my independence.
I am way too young to even consider
assisted living at this point.
About 15 years ago, my mom got extremely ill.
I think that's when the aging process began real for me.
At this time, I don't feel that I have any health issues.
I work, I play, I do everything.
Being an only child, I am the only one that's responsible
for my mother.
I don't want to be a burden to anybody.
They're scared.
I am concerned with caring for children
as well as taking care of my mother.
My greatest fear is that I won't be able to provide
for my mother the way she provided for me.
Well Tracy and Carolyn are joining me,
along with our very good friend,
Chief medical officer of Pfizer, Dr. Freda Lewis-Hall,
so thank you for being here.
(audience claps)
Now, Tracy, Carolyn appears to be doing
pretty well in Hawaii.
What would make you feel better
about your mom's living situation?
I think it would make me feel better
if she lived closer to my family.
It's a challenge to care for my family
and then be concerned about my mom.
Do you understand Tracy's concerns about you?
And would you consider leaving Hawaii?
I really do understand her worrying about me.
But right now I'm in very nice health.
And I'm very very independent and it would be
quite emotional for me to leave Hawaii.
So Dr. Freda, many people worry about their parents
aging in the right place.
So what should these guys be considering
when making decisions to stay in place to to move?
You know, this is a very personal conversation,
as Tracy and Carolyn have discovered.
And as I know, because I've had this conversation
overtime with my father and his wife,
my dad's gonna be 100 in the fall, so.
(audience claps)
But there are so many things to take into consideration.
Just as an example, 80% of adults 65 and older
are managing at least one health condition.
68%, two or more.
So just that leaves you with all of these questions.
You know, can my parent manage their prescriptions?
Can they make it back and forth
to their doctor's appointment?
What if an emergency happens,
is there someone close that can help?
What are some of the warning signs that your parent
might not be able to take care of themselves?
Well, and there's some physical warning signs.
Noticeable weight loss or poor hygiene.
Those are things that might suggest
either a physical or cognitive problem.
And then you can notice if someone has black and blue marks
or bruises, maybe they've been having falls
or having a difficult time moving around.
And the physical environment
can also send up some red flags.
So a home or a yard that's unkempt,
mail that's unopened, prescriptions unfilled.
So if you notice these warning signs,
what's the next step?
So it can be really difficult.
Honest conversation with your parent is really key.
And the earlier, the better.
And you wanna go into that conversation
with any observations that you've had, as well as
ideas about care needs and options for meeting those needs.
What might some of those options be?
Because there are different choices that people have.
There are a range of options.
I mean staying at home is of course one.
And if need be, staying at home with assistance.
So assistance in the form of a family member,
a caregiver, at home services like meal delivery,
cleaning services, and there is a lot of smart
home technology now, that really makes
it more accessible for people to age at home.
And then there is another range of options.
Adult day service centers.
There are also senior living communities,
and I'm gonna underscore communities,
that offer a range of care options and of course
there are nursing homes, if the level of care is required.
But you'll want to visit together if you can,
ask loads of questions.
I think it's great that Carolyn and Tracy are having
these discussions now, while you can still take care
of yourself and you're in a position
to make those decisions.
That makes a huge difference.
So what would you suggest when aging parents are so far
away, like these two?
First of all, with your mother's agreement,
you can become the primary contact with her doctor
and caregivers, share medical information
about her conditions and any medications
that she may be taking, it's also really important
to exchange information with people that are close
to your mom, and close by your mom, so that they know
how to reach you and also you know how to reach them.
Yeah, and Tracy, it's important that you make
time for your own health and talk about your caregiving
challenges with friends, colleagues, and a support group.
We have lots of information on caregiving,
and taking care of yourself as a caregiver,
as well as ways to age well on getold.com.
I don't know about this name, but it's getold.com.
There's great resources there, even though it's getold.com
There are great resources there,
so I really recommend you check it out.
I want to thank all of my guests today,
especially Dr. Freda Lewis-Hall.