Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic.
I remember it so you don't have to!
You know, you can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.
And our childhoods proved it!
We had to put up with clowns and boogeymen and all sorts of ghosts and goblins when we were growin' up.
So, being the month of Halloween, I've decided to take a look back
at the Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments of all time.
Why Top 11?
Because I like to go one step beyond.
So, get ready to cover your eyes and hide under the couch.
THIS
is the Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments!
*MWAHAHAHAHA* *creepy organ music*
The Wicked Witch from "The Wizard of Oz"
For many kids, The Wizard of Oz was the first movie they ever saw.
So naturally, Wicked Witch was the first villain they ever came across.
And MAN, did she freak us out.
With her green skin, big nose, and black attire,
this wicked bitch of the North [ya mean West?] made us all cry out,
"There's no place like home!"
If you can believe it, this actress actually used to be a kindergarten teacher.
Jesus Christ, imagine HER greeting you on your first day of school!
Wicked Witch: Wanna play ball?
AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
NC: AAAAAAAAAH!
The tunnel scene from "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory"
For the most part, "Willy Wonka" is just an innocent story about a boy who wins a golden ticket
to a factory of wonder and imagination.
But it suddenly goes f**king nuts when it enters the death tunnel from Hell!
Mrs. Teavee: I'm gonna be sick!
NC: Every creepy image you can imagine pops up here:
Snakes, lizards, Gestapo wannabes,
even a scene of a chicken getting his head chopped off!
Mrs. Teavee: Aaaah! Now I AM gonna be sick!
NC: On top of that, Wonka reads out loud a scary-as-f*ck poem
and then proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs.
And THAT'S not even the strange part!
The strange part is that after this scene of misery, chaos, anarchy, and death...
...they never talk about it again!
They just go on their merry way like nothing ever happened.
Man, if I was in that situation, even if we got up to the part with the giant geese, I'd be like,
"Dude, what the f*ck was up with that tunnel?"
NC: I always thought to myself, "This scene will make a LOT more sense after I grow up."
Well, I'm grown up now...
...AND IT STILL MAKES NO F**KING SENSE!
So what's the deal, Wonka?
Wonka: There's no Earthly way of knowing...
Wh-wh-what are you talking ab—
Wonka: ...which direction we are going.
Whoa, wh-what...
Wonka: Not a speck of light is showing. So the danger must be growing.
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
Is the grisly Reaper mowing?
YES!
The danger must be growing, for the rowers keep on rowing,
and they're certainly not showing
ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!
WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
( ﾟﾛﾟ)
The Villain Song from "Care Bears in Wonderland"
Now I know what you're thinking:
How can a Care Bears movie possibly be the least bit scary?
Well, I'm glad you asked!
There's an especially gay moment where the villain of the movie sings a ukelele song about Wonderland,
because, frankly, villains need more ukelele songs.
The song itself is pretty lame, when all of a sudden, THIS happens:
NC: Didja see it? Didja see it?
Watch it again in slow motion.
NC: Holy F*CK, what is that?
It looks like something Charles Manson would shit out!
And because the scene goes by so fast, it doesn't just scare us,
it scares us on a subconscious level.
I always said if you watch Care Bears long enough, you'll see the face of the devil.
But I didn't think you could actually freeze-frame it!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
NC: AAAAAAAH!
The Headless Horseman from "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"
This is the epitome of a Gothic cartoon.
It has great atmosphere, creepy visuals, and a dark storyline.
But it's the Headless Horseman that everyone remembers.
With his creepy laugh, flaming pumpkin, and, of course, the absence of a certain facial feature.
He gave us all the willies, but this scene in particular got us all creeped out.
*evil laugh*
The Headless Horseman—he had every kid ducking for cover.
Horseman: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
NC: AAAAAAAAAAAH!
The Snake from "Beetlejuice"
Even though Beetlejuice was a comedy, it was filled with ghastly images
that made kids jump joyfully out of their seats,
the creepiest scene being when Beetlejuice transforms into a snake and starts tossing people around the room.
Beetlejuice: We've come for your daughter, Chuck.
It was big, dark, creepy, and made us all shit ourselves with fear.
This snake had us all rattling under the covers.
Charles: GEEZ—!
NC: AH!
Delia: He likes it.
"Ghostbusters". Just... just Ghostbusters!
Everything about these films had creepy written all over it.
And when your job requires you to do nothing but hunt down ghosts and goblins that plague your town,
chances are you're gonna see some scary stuff.
The two scariest scenes in particular are when Sigourney Weaver is transformed into a ghostly demon—
Am I the only one that feels like this hand's copping a feel?
—and the scene where her baby is taken away by a spiritual nanny, played by Peter MacNicol.
Peter MacNicol is already pretty scary.
Now imagine him in drag, trying to play a Mary Poppins pedophile from Hell,
and you've got yourself a pretty nasty image.
Whichever scenes scare you the most, the Ghostbusters movies definitely rate a 9.5 on the scary-shit-o-meter.
*Slimer screams*
NC: AAAHH!
The Child Catcher from "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"
Good God, was this guy creepy.
When your parents said, "Stay away from strangers with candy," this is probably the person they were talking about.
Child Catcher: Lollipop!
NC: He embodied everything that children imagined bad men looked like.
In fact, to be honest, he's a little creepier now than he was back then.
He looks like one of those guys you catch on MySpace trying to pick up 10-year-old boys.
Child Catcher: Come along, kiddie-winkies!
*shiver*
Whatever reason he creeps you out, he's one bad customer.
And my guess is, he'll be ringing your doorbell reading a court-required notice sometime soon.
AH!
Large Marge from "Pee-wee's Big Adventure"
This is a funny movie whether you're a kid or an adult.
However, there's one scene that just comes out of nowhere.
It involves a truck driver named Large Marge, who starts telling a ghost story about the worst accident she's ever seen.
Large Marge: And when they finally pulled the driver's body...
from the twisted... burning... WRECK...
it looked like... THIS!
O-O
Pee-wee: AAAHHH!
NC: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
She's just telling a story, all of a sudden, "blaahaha!"
NC: I mean, it just comes out of nowhere, and catches everybody off guard, even the adults.
We find out later that the Large Marge that Pee-wee was riding with was actually...
Restaurant patrons: Her ghost!
*shivers* At least I don't have to see that sequence again—
BLAHAHAHAH!
AAAAHHH!
Can we cut to a less frightening part of the movie?
Ah, that's better.
Hahahaha!
AAAAHHHH!
Judge Doom from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
Everything about this movie kicks ass, and the villain is no exception.
He's tall, he's dark, he's Christopher Lloyd—right on the money.
The best scenes, though, come at the very end, when he transforms into a half-man, half-toon psychopath.
And you could count the bricks we shit after seeing this scene.
If Stephen King did a biography on Mickey Mouse, my guess is he'd probably look something like this.
Judge Doom: Uh?
NC: Judge Doom—he's not bad, he's just drawn that way.
Judge Doom: *screams*
NC: *ditto*
The Clown from "Poltergeist"
This is back before the PG-13 rating existed, so lots of kids usually flooded to PG-rated scary films like this one.
And boy, did we regret it.
This clown had all of us looking at our toys funny.
I used to have a Ninja Turtle doll.
THAT I SHOT!
For the most part, the clown does nothing throughout the entire movie,
but all the kids are watching it, saying,
"Yeah, I know you're up to somethin'..."
"Oh, cut the crap, we both know you're alive!"
We had to wait the whole, entire movie for this thing to do something.
And even though we waited an hour and a half for it, we STILL weren't ready.
AAAAHHH!
And the Number 1 Scariest Nostalgic Moment is...
The Banshee from "Darby O'Gill and the Little People"
With her ghostly image, hideous complexion, and terrifying howl,
the Banshee was one of the scariest images that no kid should ever have to see.
If you haven't seen this movie, you should. It's pretty good by Disney standards.
It has great atmosphere, good characters,
and it's the only film you'll ever hear Sean Connery sing. Seriously!
[Aside from "Dr. No"]
Michael: ♪She is my dear, my darlin' one,♪
♪My smilin' and beguilin' one♪
NC: And if THAT'S not scary enough for you, the Banshee surely is.
Now the effects in this movie range from ingenious to insufferable, and the Banshee is no exception.
Most of the time, she moves very gracefully, but other times, she kinda moves like a go-kart.
*horn honk*
In fact, she's not even onscreen for very long.
The rest of the scene focuses on the Death Coach, which is pretty damn creepy too.
But it's the eerie presence of the Banshee that gets our blood boiling, even to this day.
In fact, there's one scene at the end that STILL continues to scare the shit outta me, even to this day.
In fact, I usually end up running out of the room screaming, I'm so terrified.
I don't even get to finish the rest of the scene.
But not today.
Today, seeing how it's Halloween, I'm gonna stand up for myself, gonna confront my fears,
and I am gonna watch this scene all... the way... through...
*ghostly howling*
There's that creepy howling outside.
There he goes, about to open the door.
Here it comes...
*ghostly wail*
*nope*
*maniacal laugh*