Remember that magical summer
when Pokemon GO was the biggest thing in the world?
It was 2016.
Emotionally, it's been 10 years.
That summer, there were so many stories
about people making new friends,
seeing a new side of their hometowns, going outside.
What if I told you you could go back?
What if I told you it's time to play Pokemon GO again!
*jaunty music*
It's time.
Open my fucking gifts, Clayton.
When Pokemon GO came out,
pretty much the only thing it had going for it
was that you could catch a Pikachu in the grocery store.
But it was buggy and it was missing a lot of the features
that make regular Pokemon games fun.
Like trainer battles, or trading,
or any reason to keep playing.
Now it is so much richer,
with huge updates that will literally change
how you live your life,
in the same way that joining a cult does.
But it's fun and you should do it.
Those people did it.
They're playing it right now.
Here are some of my favorite things about Pokemon GO.
First up, there's photo mode now!
You can take a photo of any of your Pokemon,
any time you want.
It's cute as shit, moving on.
This game has changed the fabric of my day
because of this little menu right here.
It shows local singles in your area.
And by singles, I mean single extremely powerful Pokemon
that you can fight and catch in raids.
Raids are a huge part of what make Pokemon GO
feel exciting and social again.
They're timed,
so you have to get up and Pokemon Go to the raid location.
And they're often against legendary or mythical Pokemon,
which is very exciting.
This summer, I spent hours just going
from gym to gym to gym in Central Park
because there was a four-hour window
where I could catch an Entei.
And recently, I hit the jackpot with this!
Look at my boy!
He's so beautiful and powerful and rare
and I want to show him to everyone
like he's my goddamn child!
The one thing that sucked about the raid
where I caught my precious son Raymond
is that none of my friends were around to see it.
And that brings me to my next point,
because Pokemon GO is very social now!
Seriously.
Gifts, trades, trainer battles, quests,
and if you team up with friends in raids,
you get bonuses!
But more important are
the real life friendship points that I get
when I see my friends' collections of shiny Pokemon,
or we gripe together about missing a throw on a legendary.
Who needs the in-game bonuses?
I need the in-game bonuses.
And I need three more friends to get a Jirachi.
The most recent incredibly dope thing added to Pokemon GO
are the Team Rocket Go PokeStops,
where you can battle Team Rocket members
and get a chance to catch and purify their Shadow Pokemon.
That's a sentence that sounds like
I pulled it directly out of my ass.
Over the years,
Pokemon GO has added system after system after system,
making a beautiful layer cake of a game
that appeals to the same part of my brain
that wants to optimize crops in Stardew Valley.
And the addictive foundation
on which all of these systems rest
is inventory management.
And by inventory management, I mean hoarding.
It aims at the same part of your brain
that heard "got to catch 'em all"
over and over and over again,
and cranks it all the way up.
I don't just want a Pikachu.
A want a Pikachu and a shiny Pikachu and Party Pikachu.
Summer hat, Santa, Ash hat, detective, flower,
straw hat, winter, HF, and witch Pikachus.
And heaven forbid I get a shitty one,
because I haven't even started talking about stats.
You've go the weather-boosted Pokemon, purified Pokemon,
Shadow Pokemon which look really cool
but actually they kind of suck,
and even your plain vanilla Pokemon
have different HP, defense, and combat stats
that make some of them better than others.
It's just an intricate nest of systems.
And there's something so pleasurable, almost hypnotic,
about sorting through my Pokemon,
choosing the ones I want to keep,
the ones I want to evolve,
and the ones I want to throw into the food processor
to make candy for the others.
It is just busy work,
but that's what a lot of games are.
You start with something huge
and overwhelming and impossible,
and you have the chance to organize it until it makes sense,
which is really soothing in this hell time of world.
For me, the busy work of Pokemon GO
has totally minimized the amount of time I spend
checking Instagram and other social media.
It has made my weekly screen time skyrocket,
but I'm fine with that.
But my favorite thing about Pokemon GO
is still that it is the best game
at making you leave your damn home
and go on a quest in real life.
I feel like whenever I go to a raid,
I meet a group of friends who are all doing it together.
And that's the ideal way to enjoy a game
that takes over your life so completely.
So get your partner into it,
your classmates, your coworkers, your friends.
Show off how happy this game has made you
and how it's improved your life
until everyone picks it back up too.
I promise it is not a cult.
It just sounds like one.
And join Team Instinct.
Holy shit, Clayton, there are like 50 fucking Pokemon here!
And I'm not looking at them.
*she looks at them*
But I am catching this one, I'm sorry.
Okay.
(energized music)