(CollegeHumor Originals Logo Theme)
- He had seven di - Meow
- Did you say meow?
- I did.
(laughs)
Stop laughing at me!
Stop it!
- Alright, is everyone ready to order?
- Ah yes, can we get a large mushroom pizza
and can I get a side of anchovies.
- Ooh, adventurous.
I like that.
Alright, I'll get that started of you guys right away.
- Whoa.
He was really hitting on me.
- Really?
I think waiters are just super friendly.
- Yeah, Katie, I don't know.
- Just trust me guys, I would know.
I deal with this all the time.
- Okay, maybe he was flirting with her.
- Um, thanks Trap.
I just want to make sure we're on the same page
about just being friends.
- Yeah, obviously Katie.
I was just being nice.
- Were you?
- Yes.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I wasn't flirting.
- Alright, and here is some bread for you while you wait.
Let me know if you need anything else.
- Okay, you're seriously going to tell me
he wasn't hitting on me that time?
He's literally all smiles
when he comes over by me.
- Katie, I really don't think that was flirting.
Anyway Zack, I'm excited shoot-the-guy
gets trapped in the airplane bathroom tomorrow.
- Cool, yeah,
I thought of that because I was--
- Okay boys.
- Yeah, I thought of it because I was
trapped in a --
- Boys, enough!
- Stop calling us boys!
- You flirty little assholes.
You're ignoring me so that I want you more.
It's clever but it's not going to work.
- We're definitely not, so.
- Okay boys.
Little flirty assholes.
- Nope. We're just having a conversation.
- Ah, thanks, my boyfriend is really good at pouring
my drinks too, so I'm in such a happy relationship.
It's like we're basically married--
Did you see that!
- No - She was all over me!
- No - Touching me.
Kissing me.
She blew me a kiss - She did not kiss you.
- She was like groping me.
- No, Katie, she just refilled your glass.
Not everyone is flirting with you.
- Okay, someone sounds anxious.
You are so into me Trap.
- I'm not into you.
- The Trap doth protest too much, methinks.
- [Trap] Don't talk like that.
- Okay, okay, Okay. - Oh Zack, does not like--
- Okay, let's drop it.
- No
- Let's drop it.
Does anyone have anything fun to do this weekend?
- Alright, I see.
Trying to see what I'm up to,
so you can casually run into me?
Grant O'Brien, I was not born yesterday.
(sneezes)
Oh, Zack, were you going to sneeze in my face,
I'm flattered.
- Seriously, what would you expect--
Oh, he's going to do it again!
(sneezes)
(laughs)
You just couldn't take your eyes off me, could you?
- You're an idiot.
No one here's into you.
You're fucking garbage, how about that?
- Dirty talk at the dinner table, Zack!
- He called you garbage, that's not dirty talk.
We're not flirting.
We're not into you, okay!
It's--
(sniffs)
- What do you smell Trap?
- No!
- What do you smell?
- No!
- Is it stinky?
- Did you shit your pants?
- Really boys?
Trying to get a look at my little butt?
- No! - No Katie, we're not.
- You flirts!
(groans)
- Oh God, stop! - No!
(College Humor Transition Sound)
- Walk like a normal person. - Stop it!
- Stop! - Stop it, you're shaking it,
you're shaking it out of your pants!
- It's going to fall out! - No, no, no!
- Don't get by me, don't get by me!
- So, I'm going to go to the bathroom.
- Katie, please, don't get by me.
- To take care of this.
- Yes! - Yes!
- Does anybody need anything?
- From the bathroom? - No!
- Just go to the bathroom! - No!
- Oh God! - Stop!
You're so close to the plate.
People eat off this.
- Soap?
- Stop! - Stop it!
- Soap?
- Katie!
- Paper towels?
- Don't list things in the bathroom.
Go to the bathroom! - Does anybody need--
some toilet paper? - It's all over the chair.
- We'll talk about this when you get back.
- I need toilet paper.
(screams) - I know you do!
- Fuck Zack, oh my god, it's on your fucking shirt.
- No, no, no, no!
- It's on your shirt! - It's on your left!
- No, no, no!
- Stop, stop, Stop! - Katie, Katie--
(bangs table)
- I'm begging you to stop. - No!
- Are you still looking?
- Lick it?
Lick it?
- I said looking!
- Oh God!
- You flirts!
Flirts!
- Just don't look at her.
Just don't look at her, she'll go away.
- Why are you still here?
- Zack look.
- Katie leave.
- Zack look!
- Katie leave!
- Zack look!
- Zack look. - Look!
(groans)
- There's so much of it, and it's so wet.
I don't know what you're eating.
(coughs)
You have to leave Katie.
- I will take you to the hospital.
Do you need to go to the hospital.
- Why are you still here?
Why are you still-- - Do you need to go
to the hospital?
Do you need to go to the hospital?
Katie, Katie, Katie, do you need to go to the hospital?
I'm taking her to the hospital.
Let's get your coat.
- Okay - Here you go.
Just tie this around you here.
Okay.
I'll take you out, no stop!
Stop, stop, stop, stop, come here.
Come on, come on, come on.
- Hi, it's Katie Marovitch from College Humor.
If you want to subscribe, click over here.
And for more fun stuff click over here.
And if you want access to College Humor's secret site,
make sure you send your social security number,
your credit card information, and your mother's maiden name
in a private message to me.