- [Stomach] The end is near.
- What?
What what what what what what what
what what what what do you mean?
- [Stomach] Everything is changing.
- What do you mean?
- [Stomach] The end is near, Sal.
- No, I don't know what you mean.
What do you mean?
I don't want die!
- [Stomach] There's nothing you can do.
The end is near.
Everything is changing.
From the internal.
From within.
- No, I don't want to die!
What do you mean?
- [Stomach] The end is near.
(man farts)
- Sorry about that, man.
- Of course.
(funky beat)
(loud fart)
- Honey, someone's here.
- Oh, okay.
Oh hey. (fart)
Good to see you.
- Thanks for having us, (fart).
This is my girlfriend, (fart).
- We're so happy you could join us.
- And this is my wife, (fart).
- So this is the infamous (fart), and, (fart).
(fart) has told me so much about you both.
(laughs)
- All good things. (laughs)
You could never trust (farts).
- Oh, wait a minute. - Hey, wait a minute.
(laughs)
- And please, please don't call me (high-pitched fart),
makes me think my mother's around someplace.
(laughs) - Oh.
- Hey. You know, where is little (farts)?
- Oh, she's at (farts)'s house for a slumber party.
- Ah.
- Oh, oh. (farts) and (farts),
This was the couple from New York
that we wanted you guys to meet.
This is (farts) and her husband, (deep fart).
- They're gonna be in New York for a few weeks.
So we are hoping you could give them some tips.
- Oh, sure.
- That'd be great.
So how do you know (farts) and (farts)?
- Oh, well, (farts) and I went to (long fart)
school of dramatic arts back when (deep fart) was working
in Midtown.
- Oh, where did you work?
- I was at (farts) and (farts).
- Oh the law firm.
- Hey!
- Oh, hey.
How are you?
(laughs)
It's so good to see you. - Good to see you!
- Oh my, hey everybody,
this is (farts).
I want you to meet one of my dearest,
oldest friends, (farts).
This is his girlfriend, (farts).
- Hi. - Hello.
- Of course, you know (farts).
- Oh, hi.
- This is (high-pitched fart)
and this is her husband (deep fart).
- Hi.
- What a beautiful name.
You know, I knew a (farts) in grad school.
- [Everyone] Oh.
- Well, thank you.
But it's actually pronounced (farts).
- Wow. I, I swear that sounds like
what you were saying (farts).
- Anyways, It's lovely to meet you all.
(laughs) - Oh okay yes.
- Robert.
I'm so sorry, Heinrich.
I'll show myself to the restroom.
(sighs) - Wow.
- Geez.
- So rude. - Oh.
- Well for (farts) sake.
(school bell ringing)
(classroom yelling)
(door slams)
(briefcase slams)
(chalk grinds)
- I am your substitute,
Mr. Nostrand.
But that might as well say "no nonsense,"
because I
do not
play.
Now today will not be a day off.
In fact today, you will work harder than-
(farts)
(class laughs)
- [Student] Nobody called "Code Brown" up in here.
- [Classmate] See you later mister poop-strand!
(class laughs)
- Oh man.
I feel like crap.
Just came from a trashy Indian restaurant in a strip mall.
Not bad food though.
Got pretty lucky.
Got the hottest, baddest curry ever ate in my life.
This place called "Nonsense;" Indian joint.
Just like, terminal three. (tailor mumbles)
It's like, I'm going to my brother's wedding on Sunday.
And it's like, I don't even want to go.
I don't even like my brother.
My brother's like a jerk.
Well like his wife, she's like a bitch.
I stayed with him for like three weeks. (stomach growls)
She just bitched to me, man.
I put my feet on her coffee table.
She was like, "don't get your feet on my coffee-"
I'm like, who are you? (loud stomach growls)
Gingers, man.
A ginger-broad man. (growls loudly)
Like, those are the worst people on the planet.
So I said that too, I said that to him in the parking lot.
I cornered him a little bit, sure. (stomach growls)
But he swung on me man.
He swung on me.
Can you believe that? (stomach growls)
It's like, who swings in their own brother, man?
Yeah. I swung back.
(growling drowns out speaker)
But it's cool, you know, it's like,
I haven't seen him for a while
but now got this expensive wedding I have to go to.
(tailor clears throat) So it's crazy.
I gotta get my tickets and that's the whole situation.
I hate doing that.
And hold on a second.
Hey, hey, pal, pal (tailor mumbles)
Start on the downstairs bit, I'm in the middle
of a conversation here.
(stomach growls)
Hey!
- Of course, of course.
What, whatever you say.
- Thank you. (clears throat)
Sorry about that.
My little guy here uh, (growls)
working on my suit-
- [Stomach] From the eternal. From within.
- There is a guy in there.
- The answer is yes.
And hopefully I, you know, I can get like two down
in one evening, you know?
And speaking of two down in one evening,
if they've got popcorn shrimp and little lobster rolls-
(squishing drown out speaker)
- [Stomach] Stop!
Who goes there?
- Sal.
My name, my name is Sal.
- [Stomach] Sal.
The end is near.
- What? What, what, what, what do you mean?
- [Stomach] Everything is changing.
- What do you mean
- [Stomach] The end is near Sal.
- No, I don't don't know what you mean?
What do you mean?
I don't want die!
- [Stomach] There's nothing you can do.
The is near is near.
Everything is changing.
From the eternal, from within.
- No! I don't want to die!
What do you mean?
- [Stomach] The end is near.
(high-pitched fart)
- Sorry about that man.
- Of course.
(holistic music)
- Change is coming.
(engine rumbles)
(keys jangle)
- You ready homie?
- Hells yeah.
- Let's take these mother (beep) out.
- Hold up.
Nah.
- What?
- We gotta go back home, man.
- Why?
- I pooped my pants.
- What?
- Just now. I just pooped my pants.
- You, you got diarrhea?
- Hell no, man.
I ain't gay.
We gotta go home right now, man.
Let me change my drawers.
- Man, the dudes we trying to smoke is right there.
- Man, how you want me to smoke somebody
when I got poop in my pants?
- Are you sure you pooped 'em?
- Am I sure? (beep)
Am I sure?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
That is poop in my pants.
- Nasty man.
- It's natural man.
- For a three-year-old.
Not for a hardcore gangster.
- See if you were my real friend though,
You wouldn't make such a big deal out of it.
- Wouldn't make such a big deal out of it?
(beep), you a grown man.
Who just his (beep) in his drawers.
- Oh snap.
- No you didn't.
(beep), you (beep) your pants again.
- Don't judge.
- You need to get outta my car and go to the hospital.
- Okay. I see how it see, I wouldn't do that to you though.
- You never would have to do that to me because
under no circumstances would I ever (beep) my pants.
(guns click) (gasps)
I'm sorry I judged you.
- Apology accepted.
(funky music)