hello brains raise your hand if this
year is going the way you expected it to
go
[Music]
change is stressful and according to
research those of us with adhd don't
really
cope well with that this really
surprised me to learn because i honestly
thought i did first of all i'm great in
a crisis a lot of adhds are when
something goes wrong
whatever needs to be done we're on it
second if something in my life doesn't
go the way i planned i'm pretty good at
figuring out why that's actually fine
or at least distracting myself with
video games also i have had a lot of
practice with change
and all of the stress that comes with it
that's
basically my life turns out all of these
things might be because of how those of
us with adhd experience
stress according to research stressful
events are more upsetting to those with
adhd
and we tend to have a lower tolerance
for stress so we either avoid it by
distracting ourselves or using something
called
positive reappraisal or we aggressively
confront it and deal with it quickly
which doesn't really give us a chance to
process what's happening and figure out
options
which is fine in some situations again
great in a crisis
but not everything is a crisis sometimes
taking action quickly can actually make
things worse
some of the actions we take to alleviate
our stress don't actually address the
situation
causing that stress and even if they do
impulsive decisions can lead to more
unexpected change and more stress
especially if we didn't understand the
situation accurately to begin with
which according to research happens a
lot the level of stress we
experience is often out of proportion
with reality and
those with adhd tend to have picked up a
ton of dysfunctional beliefs about
ourselves
like i can't do anything right people
don't like me i'm not good enough
that make it hard for us to see a
stressful situation clearly
so something happens we get stressed out
have a ton of automatic negative
thoughts based on dysfunctional beliefs
we have about ourselves which we
don't enjoy so we either avoid it or
deal with it impulsively
either of which can lead to more
unexpected change and stress
it can become a vicious cycle and i know
it well so what's a brain to do
recognize when a stressful situation
doesn't require an immediate solution
and get support thinking through the
situation and possible solutions
so it's more likely that the action we
take will be effective instead of
putting us in another situation that
isn't going to go as we expected and
inevitably stress us out how one talk it
out
we can talk things through with a friend
a therapist a
partner anyone who isn't directly
involved in the stressful situation and
can be kind of a
neutral party can help us get a better
perspective on what's actually going on
and what needs to be done that doesn't
mean we can't talk it through with
somebody who is involved in this
situation
it's just less likely they'll be able to
be objective and
more likely they'll be defensive so in
high stress situations it's often a good
idea to talk through it with somebody
else first
this is especially true if we tend to
get emotionally dysregulated during
difficult conversations which is
common in adhd talking it out ahead of
time can help us get our thoughts
straight so we can communicate more
effectively
talking things through with other people
can also help protect us from
gaslighting
where someone intentionally tries to
convince us our sense of reality is off
as a way to control or manipulate us
that extra protection can be especially
important for those of us who have
learned to constantly doubt ourselves
we can also two use cbt cognitive
behavioral therapy can help us work
through
and undo some of those dysfunctional
beliefs lots of therapists use cbt so
a good thing to look for is one who
specializes in adhd
especially because a lot of the
dysfunctional beliefs we hold about
ourselves are actually related to adhd
challenges
according to one study the longer we go
without our adhd being recognized and
treated
the more of those dysfunctional beliefs
pile up there are also cbt apps like
wobot that can help us recognize
cognitive distortions in our thinking
and reframe those thoughts to be more in
line with the actual situation
so our responses can be too we can even
do some of this ourselves i'll link to
some helpful worksheets in the
description below
finally three be honest about how we
feel feelings aren't facts but they can
give us a lot of information
and according to research accepting and
expressing sad emotions
rather than suppressing them can
actually help us recover we can do that
by journaling or
drawing or picturing our feelings
sharing with a friend
checking in with our body to see how we
literally feel either way it's a good
idea to figure out what we're feeling
before we try to figure out how to fix
it if the idea of actually feeling your
feelings terrifies you confuses you or
you have a history of trauma it might be
a good idea to enlist some extra support
with this
i'm currently working with a grief and
trauma therapist and it's been really
helpful for me
turns out figuring out what i'm actually
feeling instead of instinctively
reacting to what i think i'm feeling
is helpful and making better decisions
we'll talk more about emotions in
another episode
in the meantime try out these strategies
just be careful to avoid using them as
another way to avoid dealing with things
talking through a situation is great but
at some point we probably will need to
take action
reframing using cbt is helpful as long
as we're using it to help us understand
a situation better
not override how we actually feel about
it again the point of all of this is
so we can deal with unexpected change
and all the stress that comes with it
more effectively
so that our future selves can get a
freaking break
thank you to our brain advocates and all
our patreon brains for helping me
navigate all of the change that comes
with the growth of this channel
we're doing a lot of cool things now
including a website which is up now it's
howtoadhd.com check it out
we're not quite finished yet but we're
getting there one change at a time
bye brains
[Music]
you