- In a society that, as mothers, you need to be
these pillars of strength and support
and love, and look amazing and feel good,
and have all these friends, and cook meals, and
all of those kinds of things,
if you have these feelings of super-darkness,
it's just like you're a monster or something, you know.
- The myth of motherhood is that
accepted social opinion or attitude
about what motherhood should look like,
and what motherhood should feel like.
Basically, it is that motherhood
is the epitome of a woman's life,
that women feel immensely fulfilled and joyful
when they have a baby, and many women actually do,
but that a woman is joyful and happy and content
every moment of every day and wants to spend
every waking moment with her baby.
If she doesn't, then something must be wrong with her,
so they are ashamed to talk about that
because they know, or they at least feel,
that they will be regarded badly or will be judged
by people around them.
- You're feeling completely...
raw, and we're supposed to feel really strong.
- I think perfectionism needs to be thrown out
when it comes to motherhood cuz there's no such thing
in any area of anyone's life, but, especially,
when it comes to parenting and being a mother.
I grew up with this notion that it existed and
I'm still struggling with letting it go, but,
I think there's no shame in saying,
doing things minimally sometimes is okay.
- Most parents want to do things right,
and, in fact, I think they start out
thinking they will do things right, and, probably,
that they'll be perfect parents,
and it's not possible to be a perfect parent.
In fact, I think it's probably what makes us
rich in who we are.
- Women actually tell me many times,
that when they became depressed,
their mom-in-law, for example, said,
"I don't know what's so hard for you taking care of a baby,
"I raised five kids and it was a breeze,"
so they don't feel it's legitimate
to actually complain about their symptoms.
They believe that they should be happy,
that something is wrong with them
for not being able to be happy, and they will ask,
"Why can't I feel joy in taking care of my baby?
"Why am I not happy?
"I should be happy, but I'm not,
"so something must be inherently wrong with me."
- My parents and my in-laws, when they came to visit me,
was more stressful than not because they had
their own view of how we have to handle a baby.
- There you are with a new baby and
you know they're gonna send you home from the hospital,
and you're in charge of this small, small helpless creature.
It's a big responsibility and I think it's
really helpful for moms to feel they have support and help,
and not a lot of judgement, I think.
- What I think that a lot of women find
as helpful is plain old empathy,
which means that somebody takes the time and the effort
to understand how they're feeling,
and to convey to them that they understand
how they're feeling, and just no judgement,
because women judge themselves so harshly.
They have such negative self-talk.
They reproach themselves
for having anxiety and depression
at a time when they should be happy,
so the last thing that they need
is criticism and judgement.
The thing that they need the most
is understanding and empathy.
- One of the number one questions
to never ask a new mother is, "Why?",
because then we feel like we have to justify to somebody
what our choices are, and it's as if you're being questioned
for your decisions, and sometimes we don't really know,
we're just trying.
Because we're doing the best we can
and you try one thing and it doesn't work
and you try another thing.