Wow, I did it. I posted a YouTube video.
What a day! Well, time to celebrate. Alexa, play the national anthem. Oh! and a fireworks compilation.
Alexa: Ok.
[national anthem and fireworks]
Hey Mr. Lamp, did you hear the news? I posted a YouTube video.
Mr. Lamp: I'm proud of you, kid.
Drew: Thanks Mr. Lamp.
Mr. Lamp: *sigh* You sure know how to turn me on.
Drew: Gross, don't say stuff like that.
Mr. Lamp: No, no, I just meant like-
Drew: Just- Please stop talking.
Mr Lamp: No, no, it's just cuz I'm a lamp, you know? So it's like how you turn on a lightbu-
Drew: I'm thirsty!
*gasp* A beer.
But... I haven't had a beer since... My 13th birthday.
I blacked out for weeks! But I guess I was just a kid.
I should be fine if I just have one. Besides, I deserve this! I posted a YouTube video after all.
Well, here goes nothing!
Oh! I feel fine-
*alarm sounds*
Oh, God damn it, not again!
Why am I so sensitive to alcohol? Did my hair really grow this much in just three weeks-
Wait! Three weeks?
*gasp* I gotta watch the news!
TV: "...cancelling the 14 Shrek sequels they had planned, saying there was simply too much interest".
Drew: This is terrible!
Danny: "...really fucked up. It's not even a vlog,
it's just a montage of him picking up his little dog like a football and punting it across a football field."
"...It's literally just a trap beat and Logan Paul kicking his dog."
Drew: Logan, can you just stop?
Also, I kinda wish I could've made a video on this... Oh wait! Instagram! I have to see what I've missed!
No, no it's just so... awful.. gotta... talk about it-
Hello everybody and welcome back to YouTube.com, a website I built from the ground up,
using nothing but my bare! Hands!
So first of all, shoutout to the Instagram user by the name of .09 centimeters
for sending me this video. This is from @AndreaEspada.
uh.. TV.
Now this wasn't on her account, this was reposted by another account called @cutiesvid.
And we'll dive more into her profile in a minute, but first,
I have to show you this work of art that just left me speechless.
"Mom! I'm tired, let's go already!"
"I'm almost done, just one minute!"
[Talk Dirty by Jason Derulo]
"What do you think?"
"You could do better."
"Why not?"
"It's just so horrible."
I don't know what this video was called, because the caption on here is just "Comment your name backwards!",
but I imagine it was something like "When your hot mom is taking too long to get ready!"
He can't wait to go to the playground or the zoo or wherever they're going,
but then he immediately goes from his #1 concern being like "We gotta go now Mom!" to like
"Actually take some more time getting ready cuz I don't think you quite look hot enough."
"Did you gain weight?"
"C'mon hot mom. You can do better than that!"
And then at the end of the video, right before the big twist, because it's an Instagram video, there's gotta be a twist at the end,
otherwise, it's not funny, you know.
But at the end of the video, he's like "Yeah, thats the kind of girl I like!"
"Ohhhh.. Mamacita!"
"Finally!"
"That's my type of girl."
Which is a very weird thing for a son to say to his mom,
but she's like, "That's exactly what I wanted to hear, I'm flattered!"
"You know I love blonde girls."
"Blonde?"
"What about brown hair?"
Like, I feel like if this was to go realistically,
after he says "That's my type of girl!"
She would be like "Wait. What did you just say to me? You know I'm your Mom, right?"
and then he would go to the other girl
And she'd be like "Phew. I thought you wanted to fuck me,
but you just want to go fuck this other woman who you're not related to."
I know I'm really overanalyzing this video,
but at the very least,
all you could have done to make this a little bit less weird was not cue the part of the Bruno Mars song
where he says
"Sex by the fire" as soon as this 8 year old goes to embrace this grown woman.
The last thing I want to point out is that at the very end it says to tag two friends,
and so I went ahead and tagged the two people out of anybody that I think should watch this video.
Oh, this one she just uploaded 3 hours ago.
"When you are desperate for him!"
"Hey! Hello!
Yes, I'm good. Of course I remember you! Today? Of course, in two hours? I'll be ready, yeah."
"She's gonna call you back!"
"What are you doing, Tsunami? That's my date?"
"What are you doing, desperate?"
The dialogue's so weird! Like it's never-- it's, like, close, but it's always off a little bit.
"You just pissed again on the toilet!"
Don't get me wrong, like, I'm not one of those people who are like "In my country you're gonna learn how to speak American."
Like, she doesn't have to learn English if she doesn't want to,
but like she's clearly more fluent in Spanish, so just make the videos in Spanish.
"Okay, fine. I'm going to my room, bye."
"Where are you going?"
"Just taking out the trash."
"*gasp* No way."
This is one of the best, like, 4 second clips in cinema history where she's like rushing out of her room,
just kind of like "Oh! Nothing,
just taking out the garbage!" and the daughter's like "There's something fishy here..."
And then the mom has to very, like, deliberately bend over so the lipstick falls out.
"At least take your lipstick with you!"
Ladies, don't be desperate. These videos don't really have like a punch line, or like a big ending,
they just kind of... They just end and that's it they're over. So in this one,
"How Girls Get Ready To Fight". They bump into each other, it's immediately like
"Oh", you know, way amped up like "Let's go dude like let's fucking go like"
but you know how girls have shoes on... and extensions... and the jacket... you got to take all that stuff off
before you fight,
but then uh-oh here's the twist! A cute boy
is just walking by like he's in a music video,
and then they have to put all their stuff back on cuz they gotta look good for the boy.
And then that's it. She-- she walks up behind him and then I guess they were like "Oh! Well we ran out of time!
That's 60 seconds! That's all we got on Instagram!"
"Baby I'm gonna miss you so much."
"Aw babe I'm gonna miss you too.
Let me see if I got my passport...
Babe, come on."
"What happened, baby?"
"You did the whole bra thing, and underwear thing..."
"The whole bra thing and the underwear thing..." Like, was that the line they wrote?
"That's not mine, estupido!"
Oh! It's not hers cuz he cheated because that's comedy.
"Oh my god... That bra was mine!"
This video is great because it has
physical comedy. He gets hit in the head multiple times.
It's got cheating comedy, and it's got not one -- okay --
but two twists cuz the first twist is: "That's not my bra!" She says and then-- but later on she--
she realizes it is her bra. She was just immediately like "That's not my bra. I only own four bras
but I've never seen that one before."
and then when she goes to her drawer
she sees "Oh that was my bra because
I don't have as many as I had before."
This one's great. This one's called "Does She Really Love You?"
"Are you serious? You're on the phone again? Doing your makeup?
I mean, it seems like you don't even love me anymore."
"I do love you!"
That's how the video starts?
She's on the phone doing her makeup,
which is like a normal thing and he walks in, "Babe! I just noticed you're not in the other room sucking my dick!"
I mean, she's not on the phone with like
Osama bin Laden,
she's just like talking to her friend like doing makeup.
Amanda: Yeah, the insurance said they're not gonna cover it. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Drew: Really, you're doing your makeup? And while you're on the phone?
Do you even love me anymore?
Amanda: Drew what the fuck.
Having bad luck.
Uh-oh! She gotta go poopy!
There she goes, pooping and-- oh no toilet paper!
Oh, she's putting on pants.
She put her leg in the wrong hole!
She's going out to the car! What's gonna happen? What's gonna happen? She's starting the car--
Oh! She needs gas.
So she has to go get gas. It's not really bad luck
that's just like "Oh, I gotta go do the thing that is part of the responsibilities you have of owning a car."
I'm overanalyzing this. I need to be more like this guy who just said "Can you tell us in a video
how you got that curves?" All right so I've spent enough time on her Instagram, and really I've spent enough time on her
at all like I don't need to keep watching these,
but I just want to show you guys a couple of YouTube videos of hers that I found,
just so you kind of get a sense of who she is. I like this one "Ice Tub Bikini Challenge!
Will I Survive???" I understand that that's like clickbait or whatever, but I think it would be really funny if like
she froze to death and
they posted the video anyway. Let's try "English vs. Spanish Challenge" this ought to be good.
I can't tell if he's pretending or if he like really is just like fed up with her.
"Let's make this quick."
"Let's wrap this up soon, babe. I gotta go take a picture in front of a tree"
Literally the only source of entertainment here
like the only joke that she does is
she-- she's not very good at speaking English
so she tries to-- she's trying her very best, but she messes up words.
That's what's funny?
God! She's awfully arrogant for someone who messes up every fourth word not to mention of course
"Scarfts"
She's making a living, whatever
I'm not sitting here like "This girl sucks!" 'cause like there's worse people out there doing worse things.
That's pretty much always the case when I make a video about someone.
It's just, like, why?
Why 'cause-- how come that she can just have a big butt and now she's got a lot of money?
I have a little butt, okay?
You know how small my butt is?
I have to try very hard to make a living in comedy.
If you follow Andrea on instagram because she has a big butt, I don't blame you,
you know, it's fine, but if you are following her go ahead and follow me on Instagram ,too.
I have a small tush,
and I'm not much to look at, but I do post some stuff on there every once in a while so
follow me.
Alright guys I think that's gonna do it for today thank you so much for watching.
If you liked this video please 360 noscope the like button,
And, um, that was my joke. I don't know what else to say after that.
Oh also subscribe. Please.
Oh, and I started a podcast!
I announced it here on like a community post, but this is my first video
I've made since starting it. I'm doing that
or I'm gonna try to do that once a week
Mostly gonna be me and Amanda
or me and whoever, whatever guest--
I don't really want to do it by myself,
so it's just something that if you're interested, if you want to see more content from me
and you just like to hear me talk
that's the way to do it, so there's a link to that channel in the description as well.
It's called The Little Stinker Radio Hour,
clocking in at just under an hour, but I rounded up. But that's it guys
thank you again so much for watching and have a...
scarfts...
day.