So last month I decided to do some coaching over the phone using a new
platform called clarity and one of the most common questions I got asked
sounded something along the lines of this improvement pill I've been working
really hard trying to turn my life around I'm adopting a bunch of new
habits I'm reading books I'm working out but I'm having issues cutting out things
like video games or watching TV or playing on my phone for my life
completely I still find myself slacking off from time to time what should I do
today I want to address this question because I think a lot of people who get
into self-development approach relaxation and things are pleasurable
the wrong way we're taught that these things are bad so we start to believe
that we should avoid them completely but there's a reason why certain things feel
good why junk food tastes so good why having sex is something we all crave
while watching TV shows playing video games and surfing the web are so
alluring because they satisfy an ancient part of our brain let's just call it the
monkey brain to simplify things it's a part of us that's been around for
millions and millions of years and its main job has always been to keep us
alive junk food tastes so good because high-calorie high-fat high-sugar foods
were scarce back then so we've evolved to seek them out if you found a bag of
chips a million years ago it was in your best interest to finish that bag and ask
for seconds because who knows when would be the next time you come across such a
great source of calories the reason I'm telling you this is because just like
how you need to feed a pet you need to feed your monkey brain if you don't it
starts to get upset it starts to believe that things in your life are not okay
because everything that reduces stress everything that satisfies the monkey
brain things like food sex entertainment socializing and discovery make us feel
good because they indicate that we are living life correctly that we're doing
all of the right things the problem nowadays is yes a lot of these things
have become way too accessible it's become way too easy to get high calorie
foods way too easy to trick your brain into thinking you're sleeping with
dozens a beautiful woman way too easy to trick your brain into believing that
it's achieving great feats when in reality you're just playing a video game
which has caused a lot of people to form bad habits and even get addicted to
these pleasurable things that's a case of feeding the monkey brain too much so
we end up getting into self-development and we say to ourselves okay things that
are pleasurable are bad so it's obvious I need to cut them out I'm gonna stop
feeding my monkey brain completely but what eventually happens when you starve
your monkey brain is that it's starts to act out I've seen this over
and over again with many of the clients I've coached but also in my own life as
well we'll be sticking to all of our good habits perfectly for a couple of
days or even weeks and out of nowhere boom the monkey brain says enough is
enough I want to feel good the next thing you know you're out there binging
on everything you've been trying to avoid you're on autopilot shoving ice
cream down your throat don't underestimate the monkey brain I assure
you if you don't feed it it's eventually going to act out and cause you to
relapse so what do we need to do well we need to incorporate pleasures into our
life that's right you should be doing things that you enjoy things that lower
your stress things that feel good and not just once or twice a week you should
be doing these things every single day but of course you need to do this
correctly see there are three types of rewards the first type are what I like
to call negative some rewards these are things that yes can relieve a tremendous
amount of stress but will cause more stress down the line for example
something like drinking alcohol can lead to a very very fun night that is
definitely a huge way of relieving stress and satisfying the monkey brain
but as we all know drinking takes a huge toll on our body if he hydrates you it
causes most of your body functions to slow down it messes with your sleep for
tonight the list goes on and on the point is it causes you to relieve stress
in a moment but causes more stress down the line another example of this is
eating junk food I can't deny ice cream tastes great
that makes you feel pretty darn good while you're eating it but it causes
things like a huge spike in blood sugar which makes us feel tired and our brain
foggy once the sugar high is over again it relieves stress in a moment B causes
more stress down the line negative some rewards are perfectly fine to have once
in a while no more than once a week the second type of reward are what I like to
call zero-sum rewards these are rewards that don't really have serious negative
consequences and don't really cause more stress down the line the problem with
them is that they don't relieve a lot of stress and also take up a lot of time
that's why I call it zero-sum because you gain a bit but you also lose a bit
and this includes things like playing video games watching TV shows and
browsing the Internet now you have to be careful about the internet because it
all depends on what you're browsing if you're on Reddit looking at funny videos
that's perfectly fine but if you're on Instagram comparing yourself to others
that's actually a negative reward your reward is the dopamine rush
you get from gathering new information but you end up stressing yourself out
when you look at all those photoshopped images of people who live supposedly
better lives than you so it causes more harm than good so you have to be very
careful about that now zero-sum rewards are perfectly fine
to include in your life every day you just have to be careful because they do
take up a lot of time so it's easy to overdo it 1 to 2 hours of video games
and television every day in my opinion is a-ok because it's still a good way to
relieve some stress and satisfy that monkey brain even though it's only a bit
but there are better alternatives which brings us to the final type of reward
positive some rewards these are extremely powerful rewards with a lot of
benefits they reduced your levels of stress tremendously with no consequence
and they also tend to reduce your levels of stress later on a good example of
this is something like a deep tissue massage massages feel great in the
moment they have been clinically proven to reduce things like cortisol which is
directly related to stress they also help with things like muscle recovery so
if you're someone who goes to the gym a lot it's going to help reduce stress
down the line another example of this is good food I like to eat a huge grass-fed
steak just about every single day it's one of my favorite meals in the world it
makes me feel amazing but because it's high-quality meat it helps me feel good
and energized for the rest of the day high quality meat like this helps keep
my hormone level stable which in turn prevents stress and problems down the
line one more example of this just to drill in the point is spending time with
a loved one spending a night with your significant other has been proven to
release hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins which both significantly
reduce stress levels and feel pretty darn good studies have even found that
there is an apparent 48-hour afterglow after a fun night with a loved one which
means your stress levels decreased drastically during the night but also
for a couple of days after all right so now that we know all about the different
types of rewards let's talk about satisfying the monkey brain the best way
to feed the monkey brain is by adopting a mentality of work hard play hard it's
good that you're trying to improve all of these areas of your life but remember
all of this change is stressful so you need to be rewarding yourself whenever
you do a good job for example I like to reward myself with good food after a
hard workout at the gym I do this every single time I work out because when you
give yourself the same reward after doing something hard
it eventually forms into a habit every habit needs a routine which is the hard
thing you need to do like going to Jim and a proper reward that follows
soon after which in my case is a delicious meal without a good reward the
habit will never form that's right it's impossible to form new habits without
good rewards if you'd like to learn more about how habits work you can check out
the tamed course which is absolutely free which I will link to in the
description box below what's important is that you don't fall into the Hail
Mary mindset that most people in the self-development field feed you because
it simply does not work well it works for a while until your monkey brain gets
sick of it and goes out of control the key here is to keep the monkey brain
happy and well-fed so that he will not disturb you if you do it enough times
he'll even say hey can we do that working out thing again because I'm
craving some good food yes the monkey brain will start to crave all the
working out and the reading and the hard work because it starts to believe that
it will get fed a good reward after so yes
work hard improve your life but make sure you reward this hard work with
positive some rewards often zero some rewards once in a while and negative
some rewards once in a blue moon keep your monkey well fed with strategically
timed slacking off and you will make huge amounts of progress without many
issues this episode's brought to you to help the guys at Skillshare like I just
mentioned you should only be rewarding yourself after you do something that is
challenging which includes learning and skill share is a great place to do just
that they have over 22,000 courses on a wide variety of topics from photography
to videography to business and even writing these are all skills that if you
work on can lead to huge benefits down the line I suggest you find something
that you are genuinely interested in and learn more about that over at skill
share a membership with them usually cost about $10 per month but I've
managed to work out a deal with them the first 300 people to sign up using the
link in the description box below and get access to skill share for two months
absolutely free alright so one of the courses that I've been getting into is
kind of random it's the fundamentals of magic tricks which is something that
I've always found fascinating so I decided why not I'm going to learn it
it's challenging and it acts as a great way to entertain my friends whenever I
see them and let me tell you seeing the look on their face when I blow their
mind is definitely a positive summer besides that guys stay tuned