(male announcer) As Don's week in the warehouse
was wrapping up, he decided it was time
to come clean with his employees.
Actually, everybody, uh,
I've got an announcement to make.
Don't nobody want to hear your bull[bleep], newbie.
- Okay. - Don't nobody want to hear it!
I think you will care about this one,
so gather around.
I'm not actually a new employee.
You could say that again.
You a waste of space, as far as I'm concerned.
Can't get nothing done on time.
Like a--like a snail over here.
I am actually president of the company.
You're on
- What? - The TV show, yeah.
- What? - Wow.
In this week since I've been working here amongst you,
I got to hear each and every one of your stories, just about,
and, uh, I...
You know I was just playing, right?
You know I--I was just trying to lighten the mood
in the workplace and whatnot, you know.
Thank you, Joseph.
Bill.
Buddy, you were telling me that your car broke down,
and it hasn't been working right ever since.
Well, I want to get you a new Ford Explorer.
Oh, my God. Thank--thank you so much, Mark.
That means so much to me.
My whole family died in one day.
- Joseph. - Thank you.
Huge car crash. Huge, man.
We were having a family picnic, and then this truck
just came on through and just killed everybody.
It chopped everybody's heads off.
Eleanore, you were worried that you were not going
to be able to afford college for your two--two boys,
and I'm starting a college fund for them both.
Putting $10,000 in each one of them.
This is amazing. I'm so grateful.
You know, I-I can't make no family anymore
'cause my dick got chopped up in the accident--
- Joseph, Joseph. - And now I pee out the side.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night.
I just-- I start to pee.
Right in my mouth.
Oh, Joseph, that's disgusting.
Sometimes poop come out the other side.
- I don't even know why that-- - Joseph.
My dick is in eight pieces.
Joseph. Okay, you know--
If you could just give me a raise.
I ain't asking for no kind of scholarships or nothing.
Okay, you know, Joseph, I'm gonna get--
I'm gonna go--get to you right now.
Okay, dude, did I mention I was a prostitute
since the age of 17? 15--10?
No, Joseph. Joseph.
7--3--been a prostitute since I was 3.
Joseph, Joseph--
I was in--I was a prostitute in the womb.
Joseph.
A dude put his peepee in my--in my mama,
and it got inside of me, and then--
and then they gave me money.
Joseph.
Just please, man. Just give me a raise.
Joseph, you have been rude to me since the moment I came here.
Come on, man.
I mean, I was playing with you, dog.
I knew you was the boss the whole time, man.
Look at this fake ass mustache.
Ow--that's my real mustache, Joseph.
That really hurt.
You're fired.
Get out of here.
Can I stay and watch?
Get out of here.
I got a rare-- I got a rare condition
that make me unlikable.
No, you don't, Joseph.
Lance?
Lance, you been in the urinal with me.
You see me in the urinal.
Lance, I am sorry, but do not engage him.
Tell him--tell him my dick in three pieces.
Joseph, leave Lance alone.
It's true, so they give me a little bit of money.
- No, it's not gonna happen. - Can I have a--
Joseph?
He did--he did--
Joseph, leave Norman out of this.
Who's Norman?
- The foreman. - Norman the foreman?
That's his name.
I know that.
I work intimately with him.
No, you don't, you're fired.
All right. Go on.
All right, out the door with you, Joseph.
I am sorry about that.
Is he gone?
Okay, uh, Betty...
When you told me that your father passed away,
it hit me because my father passed away.
But my dick got chopped up, though!
Joseph!
My dick got chopped up.
That is so disrespectful, Joseph.
What are you doing? I thought you left, Joseph.
Like gristle off a Thanksgiving turkey.
- You're lying, and I don't-- - I got a gristle dick.
Joseph, that's wildly inappropriate.
Straight meat gristle.
It's hanging out here right here, right now.
- You can't see it. - Joseph!
(announcer) Coming up.
We have so many siblings,
and just to know that we both share a familial bond
and that there's nothing that can take that away.
But my dick got chopped up, though.
Joseph!
Where--how did you...?