OK.
Chili balls.
Finally!
Uh-uh-uh! Piper.
No computers at the dinner table.
But this morning I posted a comment
and my comment has over 45 comments,
so now I have to comment on the comments!
I'm about to comment on you.
What?
Oh...
Sorry, too tired to eat, gotta go to bed.
More balls for us.
I'm a garbage man.
And I'm a bag of trash.
And I'm so proud to be your son.
I am so angry!
Oh, who are you supposed to be?
I was supposed to be Taylor Swift.
Well, you don't look very much like Taylor Swift.
Yeah, because your husband ordered me the wrong costume.
My name is Dad.
I'm not talking to you tonight.
That's not the costume you wanted?
No, I told Dad to order me a Taylor Swift costume.
I made a mistake.
And he ordered me this Jonathan Swift costume!
Who's Jonathan Swift?
Exactly!
Hey. Hey, wait. Wait up, guys.
- What? - What you need?
Well, I mean, we're a family
and we're all here together now.
But...
Maybe one day we won't be.
So, can't we all just hang out and talk?
- Why? - No.
Henry snuck out of his room last night
and didn't sneak back in until one in the morning!
[gasping]
Well, last Saturday night while you guys were out
Piper and her friend Marla watched French Basement.
[gasping]
Piper!
That movie's rated R.
You know you're not allowed to watch R-rated movies.
Come on! I didn't hear anything I haven't heard before!
Well, guess what?
You're both grounded for two weeks.
Boom!
Oh, come on, that's not fair!
I said, boom!
- So, Dex. - Yeah?
Tell me one of your insult jokes.
No!
Please, no jokes!
I mean, we're all here for Piper's wonderful dinner,
so nobody say anything funny.
Well, in that case, Jasper should tell the jokes.
[laughing]
All right, just kidding. I'll do one.
- Uh, knock-knock. - Ooh, who's there?
Idiot.
Idiot who?
You. You're an idiot.
[laughing]
It's funny 'cause it's true!
Piper, I'm sorry,
but you're too sick to go to GloZella.
Mom!
And you are too sick to play nerd tennis!
Wife!
And you are too sick to go to work.
Come on!
My boss is expecting me to do a hard day's work!
And you're saying I should just...
just sit at home and...
and chill and relax?
Yeah.
OK.
Mom, Dad...
I won't be available this Saturday night
because I will be taking our house guest...
on a date.
Scoff.
Don't scoff at me.
I scoffed.
Because I will be taking Noelle on a date this Saturday.
Wait...
You're saying that you have a date this Saturday night?
[both] Yeah, that's right.
OK, If I go on a double date with Henry or Jasper,
then can I go out with Kale?
Look, your mom and I agree you are too young to be--
Actually, if it's a double date with Henry or Jasper,
then, I guess it's OK.
And that's final!
Henry, Piper, your dad and I are about to leave.
- OK, bye. - Can't wait to see you.
Piper, come help me with the luggage.
Ugh, why can't Henry help you?
He's the boy.
Because your father has to give him instructions
for while we're out of town.
All right.
I've got the cake and I haven't got rabies.
Oh, my gosh, cake! Congratulations!
Oh, wow, Dad! That raccoon really got you good.
Oh, these?
No, these scratches aren't from the raccoon.
Well, what are they from?
The angry mob at the Mexican cake store.
Uno Dos Cakes?
Correcto mundo!
I had to fight a bunch of people
to get the very last Diez Leches ice cream cake.
- Wow! - Diez Leches!
Ten leches?
In one cake?!
That's so many leches!
Oh, honey, hurry up! Take it out of the box!
I can't wait to see this! I've always wanted...
OK! All right! All right! All right! All right!
Let's stop ad libbing excitement and eat this cake before it melts.
Hey, uh, guys? How about more puzzling
and less staring at your phones scrolling through TwitFlash?
- I'm so sorry. - I'm gonna stop in just a second.
Dad, can you believe this?
Hang on, Henry.
Trent OverUnder is on a rant!
[excitement]
Then can I have my phone back?
[together] No!
♪ Something's going on ♪
♪ There's a musical curse Over Swellview ♪
♪ I'm stuck in a song ♪
♪ There's a musical curse Over Swellview ♪
♪ Captain Man, tell us Can you hear us? ♪
♪ I'm doing this against my will ♪
♪ Yeah! There's a musical curse Over Swellview ♪
♪ This is so not chill ♪
♪ There's a musical curse Over Swellview ♪
♪ Hey, Kid Danger Did you hear us? ♪
Henry, where are you going?
♪ I hate to be a jerk, but I got to go to work ♪
♪ You know Sell the junk and the stuff ♪
♪ But Henry, haven't you heard? We're singing every word! ♪
♪ Like this! ♪
♪ It's totally out of our control! ♪
♪ Sorry, fam, I gotta roll. ♪
♪ Not a key change! ♪
Anyone order some...
crystals?
Um...
Where did you get those?
These little guys?
From the right tube pad.
Thank you!
I knew he'd do it!
But I also took these little girls from the left tube pad just to be safe.
[siren alarm]
[computer voice] Run. Run. Run. Run.
Should we run?
Yeah.
[alarm keeps blaring]