Joel: OH MY GOD, welcome to the first annual Rooster Teeth hotdog and vomit-eating contest!
Jack: Alright! Audience: [Cheering]
Jack: We've got five REALLY stupid contestants and a LOT of hotdogs here for -
Jack: A bunch of people to swallow whole, Joel: Lotta hotdogs...
Jack: And it's gonna be an exciting day, Joel! Joel: It's gonna be exciting AND gross!
[Rooster Teeth Intro]
Joel: We're here with... Blaine: Blaine Gibson.
Joel: Who thought this was a professional wrestling competition today -
Joel: You're the odds on favors, is that correct? Kerry: ... No...
Jack: Kerry, I heard you're the odds on favors on this whole thing, whad'you think about that?
Kerry: ... No...
Jack: I've noticed we have wheat buns as opposed to the regular buns, why is that?
Blaine: I'm on a diet - So I was trying to hold onto the diet in... the hotdog-eating competition.
Joel: Well, that should make for good texture in the vomit.
Jack: Absolutely.
Joel: We just met but you are the favorite - favorite - Jack: We have NO idea who this guy is.
Joel: Favorite - fave - DEFINITLY the favorite... How many dogs today?
Tyler: Ummm - wuo - I dunno - well, I'll tell you what, Joel; you know, I'm white trash,
Tyler: And white trash people are good at two things:
Tyler: That's - uh, overeating, and sticking wieners in buns. We get to do both today.
Jack: What do you think about Geoff's chances at winning this whole competition?
Michael: Uhhh - I think the chances are good for an old bitch...
Joel: Hi, we're here - We're here with -
Geoff: You're not gonna psych me out with this bullshit...
Jack: Aaaalright... Joel: Uhhhhhh... [Short Laugh]
Jack: There goes the odds of favor, Geoff Ramsey. Joel: There goes the odds of favor... He's out...
Jack: So basically what's gonna happen is: You've got a hotdog and a bun.
Jack: You eat both of em', you get one point.
Barbara: PUKE... Is gonna go in there!
Joel: Hey - the winner gets a trophy!
Jack: Oh - there we go! Joel/Audience: Oh! [Cheering]
Geoff: I like the trophy actually, now that I've seen it...
Geoff: Didn't know it was gonna be cool...
Jack: This is the trophy the winner's going home with.
Joel: ALRIGHT, well please join us next week on... This week with hotdogs...
Jack Alright we're over here. AUDIENCE, are you ready?
Audience: [Cheering]
Jack/Joel/Audience: THREE! TWO! ONE! GO!
Jack: Eat those hotdogs, alright!
Jack: So Tyler is just shoving one in his throat - Blaine is doing the split-hotdog method...
Jack: Geoff is... Delicately preparing something here... Audience: [Laughing]
Jack: I've watched some professional eating before, usually they dip - There he is -
Jack: Blaine has dipped his wheat bun -
Jack: Because he's on a diet... Joel: Notice Blaine is using the stand-up technique -
Jack: He is... Joel: Really it's about bowel movements later, right?
Jack: Geoff has put mustard, relish and onions on his... Geoff: Cause' I'm not a fucking savage.
Jack: Barbara doesn't seem concerned just yet - She's just standing there with the bucket -
Barbara: I thought it would go a lot faster than this...
Jack: Ohhh my God, that is a DRENCHED hotdog bun...
Jack: Geoff's about a third into his hotdog - Looks really tasty...
Geoff: Doesn't that taste terrible?
Joel: Any feelings of constipation right now or... Audience: [Laughing]
Jack: Blaine, is the wheat bun helping you at all? Blaine: (Muffled) The wheat is like, stickers in the white -
Blaine: And it's a total mistake... Michael: Hey, how's your diet going, fatass?
Tyler: (Weakly) Oh, Jesus Christ... [Sniffles]
Michael: He got the - that bread - it's chewy... Geoff: Why?
Michael: Cause' he's a bitch. Geoff: Ah.
Blaine: Fucking flies all over the hotdogs...
Barbara: Kerry? ...Do you need?
Joel: We kinda know it was gonna go down to Michael, Blaine, and Guy-We-Don't-Know -
Joel: Three fingers left of time to (Inaudible) Jack: So we are more than halfway through...
Jack: Blaine's at four dogs, Tyler's at four dogs, Michael's at four dogs...
Jack: Kerry is at a dog and a half... and Geoff?
Jack: Geoff has finished his one!
Joel: Ohhh! Geoff has finished one hotdog! Audience: [Cheering]
Jack: That was a lot of - Oh, Blaine is spittin' something out...
Everyone Besides Blaine: [Disgusted Groan] Blaine: (Inaudible) what I can do...
Barbara: Be a champ, be a champ... Yes! Joel: Ohhh yeah!
Blaine: Shut up! - (Muffled) It's a fucking hotdog-eating contest!
Barbara: I think we decided on double points for throw-ups.
Joel: Oh oh oh - Here comes the oh - he - we got's to (Inaudible)
Jack: Alright, now he's - Joel: When ve - When veins start popping out of things...
Jack: Uhhh... Oh! Joel: No - you can!
Jack: Splash those - Splash those! Joel: You CAN watch this!
Joel: Don't walk away - Don't leave!
Jack: It is very, very close...
Jack/Joel/Barbara/Audience: Ohhh!
Jack: Michael has cleared some space for more!
Everyone besides the contestants: NINE, EIGHT, SEVEN, SIX, FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE...
Jack: And that does it! Audience: [Cheering]
Jack: Hotdogs down - Hotdogs down --- Hotdogs down! Joel: Hotdogs down!
Jack: Bucket, out! Joel: Oh, God, bucket's down.
Jack: Alright, I think in last place we have Geoff - with a solid ONE delicious hotdog!
Audience: [Cheering]
Jack: Second last was Kerry, what was Kerry's final total?
Kerry: Like, one and three quarters? Jack: One and three quarters!
Barbara: Good job, Kerry - Yes! Jack: One and three quarters...
Geoff: You continue to disappoint. Kerry: Thanks, dad!
Barbara: Seven for Blaine.
Jack: Seven hotdogs for Blaine - that's a significant jump-up from one and three quarters.
Jack: Now, we got SEVEN for the guy at the end -
Jack: Tied with Blaine... Tyler: Please win.
Jack: It all comes down to Michael Jones, we - the... we have seven!
Jack: Chris Demarais' counter said, "I THINK we have seven."
Jack: (Laughing) You had ONE job - Chris: Somewhere in, somewhere out - Who can tell?
Joel/Jack: We have a three-way tie!
Joel: Between Michael Jones, Blaine Gibson, and Guy-On-The-End.
Jack: We're gonna do a ONE-hotdog eat-off competition. HERE WE GO, audience are you ready?
Audience: [Cheering] Jack: Here we go! Three, two, one... EAT OFF!
Audience: [Cheering][Support] Jack: Oh, Tyler's just up - Blaine's doing great -
Jack: Tyler's shoving it into his mouth away. Joel: OH - He's thrown it away!
Jack: Oh, Tyler's done - Tyler's done... Michael's got it? MICHAEL'S JONES IS YOUR WINNER!
Audience: [Cheering] Jack: Congratulations, Michael Jones.
Joel: Where do you plan on pooping later? Michael: I - chth - that's everywhere.
Lindsay: Never've been more proud of my husband.
Jack: Alright, Michael would you like to say anything to your - uh, overwhelmed audience?
Michael: Uhh - It was good, you know - I - I - I appreciated the applause...
Michael: And I just kept trying to suck it down, and I'm glad that - uhh...
Michael: A good number of people appreciate vomit.
Jack: Any advice for - uh, future... uh, you know - hotdog-eating competitors?
Michael: Just power through it - Just get it in there, you know?
Michael: Reach for it - Oh yeah, HE'S dead as shit.
Jack: Oh shit we lost... That's his name? Tyler! Tyler, we lost the... guy on the -
Jack: Well, Joel? I think this was pretty successful! Joel: I think it worked out for you and I.
Jack: I think so, you wanna get some hotdogs? Joel: Not at all.
Jack: Not at all, let's get the hell outta here...
[Star Spangled Banner Plays]