Sadhguru: This idea, arranged marriage means, is some kind of a slavery, well that depends.
When I married (Laughs), "What, you don't know the father's name?
You don't know who they are, what they are, how will you marry?”
I said, "I'm marrying only the girl.”
So this whole debate about, “Is arranged marriage better
or meeting in the local bar is better?”
Marriages are made in heaven, but you are cooking hell within you.
Speaker: Namaskaram Sadhguru,
a Netflix show on the Indian way of matchmaking
is trending and drawing criticism
for the regressive ways of arranged marriage (Sadhguru Laughs).
Is it still relevant in today's time?
Sadhguru: Well, if you do not know this, the success of something, is in the result.
Luxembourg, which is held as one of the most economically prosperous and free societies,
a small little country, divorce rate is eighty-seven percent.
Spain, divorce rate is some sixty-five percent.
Russia, fifty-one percent. United States, forty-three percent.
India, 1.5 percent. You decide what's working (Laughter).
Because marriage is not about how it happened, who arranged it.
Your parents arranged it or a commercial website arranged it,
a dating app arranged it or a local bar arranged it when you are fuzzy (Laughter)
or your confused friends arranged it or your confused self arranged it.
Well, anyway, it is an arrangement.
It is best it is arranged by responsible, sensible people.
This idea, arranged marriage means, is some kind of a slavery, well that depends.
As there are exploitative people everywhere,
sometimes your parents themselves may be exploitative, they may be doing things for their own reasons,
their stupid prestige, their wealth, their nonsense, they may be doing it for those reasons.
Well (Laughs), they may be watching the darshan, but somebody just now,
in the last couple of days, asked a thing that they want to choose a girl for their boy.
One girl is well-educated, pretty; another girl – father, big man.
"So, which should I do?"
So I asked a simple question, “You want to marry the girl or somebody's wealth?
You make up your mind, because I don't know what's your priority.”
It depends what's your priority.
If your priority is such that somebody's wealth
by marriage becomes yours and that is all that matters to you –
fine, that’s your choice.
That is the kind of life you have chosen.
When I married (Laughs), I did not know her full name.
I did not know her father's name.
I did not know, in India, I did not know her caste or anything.
When I told my father, he said, "What, you don't know the father's name?
You don't know who they are, what they are, how will you marry?”
I said, "I am marrying only the girl (Laughter).
I am not planning to marry any of the other things that usually may come with a girl.
I… just the girl. That's it!"
Well, everybody thought this is a disaster. Some of my,
you know, self-appointed advisors will be there, always.
Though I never took anybody's advice in my life,
there’ll always be advisors.
They said, "You are making the biggest mistake in your life.
This is going to be your disaster."
I said, "Whatever happens, whichever way it happens, I knew this much,
it is for me either to make it a disaster or a success."
Because who you marry, how you marry,
which way it was arranged, by who it was arranged –
is not important. How responsibly you exist, that is all there is.
So this whole debate about,
“Is arranged marriage better or meeting in the local bar is better?”
Well, I think when you are not little fuzzed out, I think your decisions are a little better.
If a eighteen, twenty-year-old man or woman, young man or young woman want to marry,
who will they marry? Their contact is just there.
Within those ten people that they know, in their life, one guy or one girl you marry.
Within three months you will know (Laughter).
But in most countries (Laughs), there is a law, at least two years you must suffer (Laughter).
It is like a jail term.
If you make a mistake, at least two years you must suffer,
then only you can divorce. Most nations have this.
Well, many religions have fixed it that divorce is completely wrong, you cannot divorce.
But where such religions are practiced, there the divorce rate is highest!
So, God's dictates are not able to stop the breakups,
law is not able to stop the breakups.
You need to understand this, when parents organize,
you must… I'm asking you a basic question, do you believe –
their judgment may not be the best –
but parents have the best interest of yours?
But if you have matured beyond them, that is a different thing,
you can make your own decisions.
But arranged marriage is a wrong terminology –
all marriages are arranged; by whom is the only question.
I think it is best, it's arranged by people who are most concerned about your well-being,
who have a larger reach of...
because you can't find the best man or the best woman
in the world because we don't know where the hell they are (Laughter).
With limited contact that we have, what is the reasonable,
good thing we can put together, that's all it is.
So the very fact that divorce rates are as it is,
in these different societies that I spoke about,
well the success rate is very clear.
When parents are the basis of your organization, it's a little better,
because they will think little long-term.
You just like the way she is dressed and you want to get married today.
Well, tomorrow morning you will realize you don't want to have anything to do with her
(Laughter).
So, because, when you are eighteen, twenty, due to various compulsions or peer pressure
or something, you may take decisions which will not last a lifetime.
Or sometimes you really hit it off with somebody and it may work out, that's another matter.
So arrangements, everything is an arrangement please understand this,
you may think so many things.
It is arranged by your emotion or your greed or your… your loved ones,
it is arranged by somebody, isn't it, or something.
It is an arrangement. How you arrange it, well, it's your choice.
I'm not saying this is the way or that is the way,
but whichever way you do it, please conduct it responsibly, joyfully.
If you… you know they have been saying, “Marriages are made in heaven.”
But you are cooking hell within you, marriage is made in heaven.
That is why a lot of people want to go there soon.
Because it is made there, they want to go there and settle it.
No! You need to understand, to fulfill your needs,
physical, psychological, emotional, social and various other needs,
you are coming together. If you always remember,
‘To fulfill my needs I am with you,’ you will conduct this responsibly.
Initially you are like that, after some time, you think he or she needs you,
then you will start acting wantonly.
Then of course, ugliness will start in many different ways.
Tch, this happened, a young man and a very young woman, got engaged.
So once the... not like this, there must be a stone.
Once the ring went in, the lady held his hand and said,
"You can lean on me to share your pains, your struggles,
your whatever sufferings you go through,
you can always share with me."
The guy said, "Well, I don't have any struggles or pains or problems."
Then she said, "Well, we are not yet married” (Laughter).
So (Laughs),
if you think you are full of pain, struggles, problems, and you need somebody
to lean on, well there will be trouble.
You make yourself into a joyful, wonderful human being,
then you will see your work also will be wonderful,
your home also will be wonderful, your marriage will be wonderful,
everything will be wonderful, because you are!
Without fixing this, you think somebody else is going to fix you,
then there is going to be trouble for you
and of course an unfortunate consequence for the other person.