- Thank you for choosing Papa John's in Bismark.
DUNKEY: HEEHAAA
- Would you like to try our large, any-way-you-want it for only $14?
DUNKEY: I would like one large pepperoni pizza.
- OK. For delivery or carry out?
DUNKEY: That's gonna be for delivery.
DUNKEY: Calling for Donkey Kong Country 1.
DUNKEY: And if you don't have it, I'm gonna tell my mom on you.
- OK. I'll see if we have that.
- Country...
- Now this is just going to be from our website,
- So, you'd come in-store, we'd order it from there, and we'd ship it to your house.
DUNKEY: Uh, yeah, that's not gonna cut it.
DUNKEY: I'm telling my mom on you.
- OK I hope she's not too upset with me. DUNKEY: Here she is.
DUNKEY: She's pissed.
DUNKEY: [ gruff voice ] Hello?!
DUNKEY: It's me. I'm his muddah.
- Oh, wow. Hey.
DUNKEY: I'm furious.
DUNKEY: He just wants Donkey Kong Country 1 for the Super Nintendo.
- We can order it for you. - DUNKEY: I'm FUR--
DUNKEY: [ normal voice ] Hey, it's actually me still.
- Oh man, you tricked me.
- You got me good.
DUNKEY: [ laughing ] I got you, man.
- Look at you.
- Pizza Telegraph, this is Gina. Would you like to try two large, two topping pizzas for $20?
DUNKEY: You gonna go see that new Star Wars coming out?
- Uh, who is this?
DUNKEY: Uh. This is Jabba the Hutt
- I don't know you.
SKY: Yeah, I don't--I don't know if that's gonna be big enough.
SKY: The problem is, um, one of my friends, he's trying to be the world's fattest man.
SKY: And we're trying to feed him as much as we can.
DUNKEY: [ from afar ] I'm hungry, man! Get some pepperoni on those motherfuckers!
SKY: So, I'm thinking, maybe like fourteen.
SKY: How long do you think that would be for delivery?
- Uh, can I get your phone number? DUNKEY: [ from afar ] Get some breadsticks, motherfucker!
SKY: Yeah, yeah. My phone number is...
DUNKEY: Get some! The breadsticks are FREEEEE!
SKY: JASON!
SKY: I'm sorry, sir, just give me a minute
SKY: JASON!
SKY: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
- Thank you for calling The Old General, may I help you?
DUNKEY: Hey, you're gonna see that new Star Wars right?
- Nope.
DUNKEY: Come on.
- Don't like Star Wars.
- Thank you for calling Little Caesar's, how can I help you?
DUNKEY: Hey, it's, uh, Rich, from head office. Uh, who is this?
- Uh, this is Dalton.
DUNKEY: Alton?
- Uh, Dalton.
DUNKEY: Oh, Dalton, OK.
DUNKEY: Dalton, I need you to go to the back room for me quick.
DUNKEY: Do you guys got a printer?
- Uh, we do.
DUNKEY: I'm gonna need you to go in that back room
and I'm gonna need you to print out a nice big 10x10 photo of a giraffe.
DUNKEY: And I'm gonna need you to tape that to the front door.
DUNKEY: OK?
DUNKEY: It's part of a new policy we're doing this week
- O-OK.
- I'm taking a picture of what?
DUNKEY: I just need you to go on Google images and just, uh, look up just any picture of a giraffe.
DUNKEY: And I'm gonna need you to tape that to the front door.
DUNKEY: Uh, we're just doin' this for all the stores this week.
- OK. Uh, I can do that.
DUNKEY: All right. Thanks.
- All right.
[ phone ringing ]
- Thank you for calling Papa John's in Belouxi, can you hold for a minute please?
DUNKEY: I'm a beaver.
[ hangs up ]
- Thank you for calling Wakefield Pizza Ranch, this is Bonnie. [ phone ringing ]
- Uh, this is Portas Pizza Ranch, you called me but the phone is still ringing and our conversation-- [ phone ringing ]
- Thank you for choosing the Appleton Pizza Ranch, would you like to try one of our specials? - I have no idea what's going on.
- I have no idea what's going on, either.
- All right, sorry about that.
- OK.
- Sorry. - Bye.
[ two hang up ]
- Hello?
DUNKEY: You're late.
- Thank you for calling Party City in Mariam, where nobody has more party for less.
- This is Christina, how may I help you?
DUNKEY: Hey, do you guys got, uh, Super Mario stuff?
- Yeah, we do.
DUNKEY: Yeah, I hate Super Mario.
DUNKEY: Uh, do you guys got Jurassic Park?
- Yep.
DUNKEY: I HATE Jurassic Park. - More like Jurassic World.
DUNKEY: Um, how about the Avengers?
DUNKEY: Now, I like the Avengers.
- Is this a joke?
DUNKEY: Do you guys have Avengers stuff?
- Yeah, we do.
DUNKEY: I HATE AVENGERS!
- [ laughing ] Who are you?
DUNKEY: What about Star Wars?
- Do you hate Star Wars?
DUNKEY: Do you guys got Star Wars?
- Yeah.
DUNKEY: [ whispering ] I hate Star Wars.
[ ringing ]
DUNKEY: Hey, you gonna go see the new Star Wars?
- Heck yeah.
DUNKEY: Me too, man. I love Star Wars.
[ ringing ]
- Thank you for choosing [ speaking too fast to comprehend ], what can I get you today?
DUNKEY: Hey, this is Mr. Doodoo Caca Weinerpants.
DUNKEY: I would like to order one large doodoo pizza.
- Oh, lovely! Now would you like that with--
[ hangs up ]
- Yeah, this is Sally.
DUNKEY: Yeah.
- Yeah. DUNKEY: You own the store.
- No.
DUNKEY: I'm comin' down there for a pizza, right?
DUNKEY: And I'm over there.
DUNKEY: And this guy comes up to me.
DUNKEY: And he says you guys don't carry pizza, right?
- We don't carry pizza.
DUNKEY: Yeah, so he was wrong, so, right?
DUNKEY: So I can come there and get a pizza.
- No. We don't sell pizza here.
DUNKEY: Yeah, I knew it. I knew you guys had pizza.
DUNKEY: But he--but he told me-- - No, we, we--
- We don't have pizza.
DUNKEY: Yeah, I know you do.
DUNKEY: But-- - No, we don't.
[ Dunkey laughing ]