Hey, everyone! It’s Samantha! From your faith and passions to children and change,
make sure you do not get married before asking your partner these eleven questions!
11. Family Beliefs & Religion
Many relationships struggle because the people involved or their families have different
beliefs. Two people could meet and date for a long time without caring that they practice
separate religions. But, that could all change when they get married. So, it’s very important
to ask your partner about their beliefs and how any religious differences will affect
your relationship in the long run. If you get married, then will it become a problem?
This is something you should find out early on to avoid issues in the future, especially
if you plan on getting married. Plus, discussing it will make the wedding ceremony much easier
because both families are bound to want different things. Another thing to ask your partner
is how serious their family is about their spirituality and how accepting they are of
other systems of belief. This is essential to figure out whether or not you’ll get
along with their relatives and vice versa. Of course, this isn’t necessarily a deal
breaker. But, knowing what you’re getting into will prove very beneficial.
10. Kids
One of the most significant questions to ask your partner is whether or not they want to
have children. This is something that can split a relationship up if both parties don’t
agree because having kids is a huge decision. Plus, if one person wants a baby and the other
doesn’t, then, one way or the other, somebody is going to end up unhappy. Asking your partner
what their thoughts about children are is a tough question to get out of the way, but
it’s essential. However, keep in mind that people’s feelings aren’t always set in
stone. It’s possible not to have a strong ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. There are tons
of people out there that either aren’t sure or they have some wiggle room. They might
not have wanted kids in previous relationships, but with you, they could be reconsidering.
So, don’t freak out just yet… asking these questions can be nothing but positive in the
end for you and your significant other.
9. The Spark
Something that a lot of married couples have to deal with is slowing down on the romantic
front somewhere down the line. You often go from wanting to be all over the other person
every minute of the day to needing some personal space and not being as physically intimate
anymore. So, it’s a good idea to discuss how the two of you decide to keep the spark
alive when you get married. But, this goes for any long-term relationship, not only after
you tie the knot. Plus, once you get to talking about it, there’s a good chance your love
life will become more exciting anyway. You can talk about trying new things or having
a weekly date night. There are numerous options to keep things interesting, and it’s best
to speak freely about it before everything slows down. And if you do end up having kids,
then you might not have as much alone time to talk about it later on.
8. Dealing With Crises
Another more difficult topic to deal with is what you would do or how you would react
in a traumatic event. If you’re married, then there are going to be times where you
have to deal with adverse situations, and sometimes these things are going to be extremely
difficult. For instance, if your significant other is diagnosed with a severe illness,
then it’s important to stay supportive and be there for them. You vowed “...in sickness
and in health…” after all. But, it’s a good idea to ask your partner before tying
the knot how the two of you would handle this. It wouldn’t necessarily be a medical issue;
it could be anything. When shocking things happen, especially for the worse, it is very
common to lose the ability to work through it calmly. So, it’s a great idea to have
some sort of plan in place, even if it’s just a basic one.
7. Genetic Illnesses
Another thing you should ask your partner before getting hitched is if they have any
genetic illnesses that could be passed on to your children...if you want them that is.
Some of the genetic disorders that can be inherited include achondroplasia, which causes
dwarfism, Marfan syndrome, which causes heart defects and long limbs, and pancreatic problems.
But, there are many more. It’s probably a good idea to discuss these things with your
significant other or get tested if both of you aren’t sure. However, it doesn’t mean
that getting married is a bad idea. There are numerous options regarding having children.
The reason you should discuss it is simply so you’re both aware of any problems that
could arise in the future.
6. Private Issues
Something else you’ll probably want to discuss with your partner is how much either of you
should be sharing with your family and friends. We all need people to talk to outside of our
relationship, especially when we’re having a disagreement with our partners. It always
helps to get an outside perspective, but there could be some things that your significant
other wouldn’t be comfortable with you talking about with other people. For example, your
girlfriend or boyfriend might not want you going into detail about your intimate life
with your mom. So, it’s probably best to go over the things you talk about with your
friends and family. It also isn’t good to keep things bottled up, however. If your partner
isn’t willing to talk to you about your more intimate problems, then there are probably
a lot of things to reconsider within your relationship before getting married.
5. Differences
This one encompasses a very large area. There are probably tons of differences between you
and your partner because you’re two unique people. However, there are some things to
think about regarding these contrasting characteristics. There could even be traits that don’t bother
you now that might pose an issue in the future. For example, if your partner doesn’t put
their clothes away after washing them, then you could become really sick of that later
on. One of the biggest problems that comes with marriage is expecting your partner to
change. A lot of the time we’ll think, “Well, once we get married, things will be different.”
Most of the time, however, this just isn’t the case. When you tie the knot with somebody,
you should expect them to remain exactly how they are. If they’re frivolous spenders
before, then they will most likely stay that way. If they’re messy, then they won’t
become tidy all of a sudden. This doesn’t mean people can’t change. But, they don’t
usually switch up their ways in a day, and it usually isn’t caused by another person.
They have to want to do things differently for themselves. So, keep that in mind before
these things can cause significant rifts in your relationship down the line. This also
applies to larger scale things. As we previously discussed, something to ask your partner is
whether or not they want kids. If you really want children and they don’t, then they
aren’t going to magically start wanting a baby after you get married.
4. Separate & Together
Another great thing to talk about with your partner before marriage is how you’ll grow
as a couple. People tend to transform slightly as they get older. Your relationship will
change throughout the years, just like you’re probably different now than you were in high
school. For example, you and your significant other might start out as party-goers and adventure-seekers
and eventually become homebodies. This is completely fine, and as long as you both talk
about what you’re looking for in the long run regarding your relationship, then you’ll
both be happy. However, if one person wants to keep adventuring for their entire lifetime
and the other doesn’t, then that’s going to be an issue. That being said, it’s also
important to talk about how the two of you want to grow independently. We should all
remember that even though you’re in a relationship, you’re still two separate beings. There
are going to be things that one person is interested and the other isn’t. There are
going to be times where you want to pursue something and your partner doesn’t. It’s
a good idea to talk about this before getting married because you want to make sure that
your significant other won’t get upset about the things you want for your life and vice
versa. Most of the time it won’t be an issue. In fact, your partner should cheer you on
and want you to follow your passions and hobbies. It’s essential within a relationship that
both people can still do things by themselves. Everybody needs time away from their partners.
This can include pursuing hobbies or even just going out with friends. For a marriage
to work, a couple needs to grow independently and together at the same time.
3. Major Changes
As we previously discussed, you should ask your partner about how the two of you will
handle big changes or events throughout your lives. But, this doesn’t only apply to adverse
things; it applies to any significant life change. Let’s say that you’re married
and your partner receives a job offer out of state. There’s a chance that you wouldn’t
be willing to move. You might have to give up living near your family or have to change
occupations, and it could end up causing major issues within your relationship. But, if you’ve
already talked about these things, then it won’t be a surprise when it happens, and
you’ll both be able to reach a decision more easily. Plus, you don’t want to hold
your partner back from pursuing their career. If they’re offered a promotion and you’re
unwilling to move or deal with the extra hours they need to spend at work, then they could
harbor ill feelings toward you over it. Luckily, almost all of this can be sorted by speaking
about it before the two of you tie the knot.
2. Balance
Balance is another major thing that can tear your relationship apart if it hasn’t been
discussed already. We’d all probably like it if our romantic lives and family lives
were completely separate. But, we all know that our parents have some choice things to
say about our partners and vice versa. Unfortunately, we only have so much time, and it can be extremely
difficult splitting the time up between your significant other, your family, and your friends.
An example would be when the holidays roll around. You’ve decorated your own house,
and you’re looking forward to some alone time with your husband or wife, your kids,
and/or pets. But, then, all of a sudden, you start getting phone calls from your and your
partner’s parents. They both want to know when you’re flying out and who you’re
going to spend Thanksgiving with, Christmas with, New Years with, and every other holiday
with. You start panicking because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but you’d
really just enjoy spending time at home. This can become a huge issue if you haven’t talked
about how you want to balance these special occasions with your partner and their family.
They might have wanted to go to their parents’ house for the holidays, and since you don’t
have a plan in place, you’re not sure how to handle this disagreement. So, remember
to talk about how you want to split up the time between your and your significant other’s
family and friends, and still have time for the two of you.
1. Goals
Perhaps the most significant thing to discuss with your partner is both of your goals in
life. We’ve touched on some of the things that fall into this category, including having
children, growing and changing, and major events. The two of you can maintain your differences
concerning hobbies and passions, but overall you’ll want to ask your significant other
if their life goals coincide with yours. It is fine for people to change as they get older
and their relationship transforms over time. But, there are things that can make people
grow apart if they aren’t talked about beforehand. One example would be if your life goal is
to settle down, buy a house, and have kids, but your partner wants to spend their life
exploring the world and experiencing new things. They don’t want to live in one place forever.
That is going to result in the downfall of your marriage. If you never have the things
you want, then you’ll be unhappy and vice versa. Unhappiness is something that can’t
be forgotten or overlooked. There are many obstacles relationships can overcome, and
there will always be hurdles in any marriage. However, there are some things, like these
life goals, that need to be talked about because they can very well end in divorce or an unfulfilled
life.
Today’s featured comment comes from Nita on our “The Truth About Kylie Jenner”
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