Aww yeah RealLifers, hands up if you've been in a similar situation.
Yeah we've all been there and if you're like me then you've practiced so many times in your
head what you want to say you feel confident and then just when you're actually having
a nice conversation with someone and everything's going well,
suddenly you're in the middle of a sentence and disaster strikes!
You freeze up. Oh no, what's the word I want to say here? You just forget everything, you feel
embarrassed, awkward and ashamed because you think everyone is looking at you and judging you, right?
Actually, just last week I was in my local bakery and I couldn't remember the word for
cake in Portuguese and I felt all of the emotions I've just mentioned.
It is a terrible feeling. Especially when the truth is your English is great, only in this
moment the nerves got the better of you. Well, what if I told you there are ways
you can deal with this terrifying situation so that your conversation can flow naturally
and you can avoid embarrassment? It is very possible with the 4 Practical
Tips I'll teach you in today's lesson on how you can prepare yourself for this kind of situation.
But did you know that we make two lessons every week to help you understand fast English,
be understood by anyone and connect to the world? What I'm about to teach you is going to give
you the confidence to speak confidently and really live your English and that's exactly
what Alan did and he said that our lessons are dynamic and give lots of different tips
on how to learn and practice your English. So if you also want to take your English
beyond the classroom don't wait to join our Global Community. All you need to do
is hit that Subscribe button and the Bell down below so you don't miss any of our new lessons.
So, I'm going to explain 4 types of situations and how you can best adapt to each situation.
This happens to everybody. And, trust me, running away is not the answer. This may happen because
you don't have many opportunities to practice your speaking or because you feel the questions in real
life are so different from what you've studied. So the tips in this lesson will help lower
your anxiety when talking to strangers for the first time.
If you are a person who feels nervous
when speaking with others, start exercising ways of remaining calm. You can try out meditation
techniques to help your mind calm down or take deep breaths before engaging in a conversation.
It's common to run out of things to say when in a conversation, especially if you don’t know
the person. and this happens even in your first language, so get the other person to help you. One
good way to turn this around is to say: "Sorry, I lost my train of thought. Let's move on."
If you forgot a word you wanted to say or started to ramble,
don't beat yourself up. Just pause, smile, say "Let me start again", and start over.
Another thing you can start working on is learning to be comfortable with silence.
Take a deep breath and maintain eye-contact. It's highly likely the other person will ask
YOU a question or comment something, and then you can get the conversation back on track.
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It can be quite uncomfortable and even scary to start speaking English in the real world. Even
proficient English speakers find themselves in situations in which they are not sure what to say.
So, another great way to deal with a situation
in which you don't remember a word or are not sure about what to say is to use survival phrases.
Briefly, they are ready-to-go sentences that will help facilitate communication.
You can resort to them when you feel you're not starting to follow the conversation
and may not know what to say next.
These are some advanced phrases you can use whenever you feel like you
need to make sure you understood or were understood in a conversation.
Use the words on the screen now to complete the sentences. Let's see how much you know.
You can pause the lesson to give you more time to answer.
How did you go? We made a lesson entirely on this topic that you can check out right after this one.
Click up here or down in the description below to watch it next.
Just like survival phrases, another resource you can use are discourse markers.
Discourse markers are words that help the conversation flow and connect sentences together,
and can also be used to "buy" you some seconds to think on what to say next.
Take a look at Andrea's explanation of discourse markers.
Discourse markers can be used to help you be more fluent while getting around in the conversation.
The point is not just rely on them as an excuse not to take your English to the next level.
The more you practice and use the vocabulary you've learned, the less you'll rely on them.
I can't stress enough how the best way to become fluent in English is to just
go out there and speak. Conversations are somehow predictable, you often start with some small talk,
maybe a discussion about the weather or some other common topics, and build from that. However,
starting a conversation is an adventure. This is how you make friends,
learn new things, and discover new experiences.
The point here is that you don't need to overplan everything you are going to
say in a conversation. You can navigate it naturally, and here's how you do it.
If you feel you don't have something to add to the conversation, look around and find something
you can comment on. You can say "This reminds me of (a movie you saw, a place you visited,
etc.", and then throw the ball to the other person by asking "What do you think of that?"
Sometimes you may freeze because you are talking about a topic you're not very familiar with. So,
use this opportunity to learn from the conversation. Ask questions rather than
speaking about the topic. Show interest in it and explore the other person's knowledge on it.
You might even learn something new yourself!
Still talking about questions, the golden tip is to ask open-ended questions. That is, questions
where the answer can't be YES or NO. The simplest and easiest one is WHY. This simple question is
likely to make people open up more, and it'll give you ideas on how to follow up on the conversation.
Let's try it out. I'm going to show 3 common YES/NO questions and I want you to try to
make them more open-ended. Pause this video and share your ideas in the comments below.
I can't wait to see your ideas! Here are my suggestions.
As a teacher I often ask open-ended questions because it gets my students to start speaking and
to use your beautiful vocabulary that you know. The best way to build up confidence and start
using your English right now is by becoming part of a community in which you'll feel safe to make
mistakes. Use English in real life and boost your fluency to become an advanced English speaker.
Does that sound like something you want to do? In fact our Fluency Circle friend said
that our course gave her the chance to do what she loves and how powerful she feels.
Now I want to invite you to be part of our Fluency Circle, the community of the Native Immersion
Course. In our 41-week course you'll master pronunciation, cultural context and so much more!
You can try it for FREE today with our 3-Part Power Learning Series.
To start right now you can click up here or down in the description below.
Scenario 4 and my personal favorite is The Victor.
Another way you can handle a freezing situation is by using relative pronouns (where,
that, who). I actually love playing this game in my classes because my students
have to describe a thing using lots of different vocabulary.
So let’s take ‘cake’ as our example here. Do you remember that I forgot the word for
‘cake’ in Portuguese? Well, I was able to effectively deal with this situation
by using relative pronouns. So instead of saying “I’d like the cake, please.” I said
“I’d like that thing that is next to the chocolates, please.”
By doing this, I avoided the embarrassment of standing there and staring at the worker.
Remember - Who for people, where for places, and that/which for things!
I'm going to say three sentences and I want you to guess what the word is
that I am talking about. Are you ready? Let's go!
Did you get them all correct!? Aww yeah! So next time you don’t know a word, use WHO, WHERE,
THAT to explain what you’re talking about. To make sure you remember words that you don’t know,
go home and look up the work in the dictionary.
You're learning English, that's the reason why you are here! How long has it been? One year,
two, maybe even more than five! You can understand things when you read,
your listening has improved a lot, but you're growing more and more frustrated
with the fact that you lack the confidence to speak to people!
A victor learner takes risks, a victor learner isn't scared of making mistakes,
a victor learner doesn't care about the risk of freezing during a conversation.
We all have a primal need for certainty and stability. We all like to live in
our default setting, and do things everyday that assure us comfort and avoid us pain.
However, the truth is, as much as we aim for perfection, perfection is really hard to achieve.
Embrace your mistakes. This is the ideal situation for you and for me to learn from and improve when
things don’t really go that well. We often say here at RealLife English; connection over
perfection. Walking or stumbling your way to real world fluency as a journey, not a destination.
So what does this all mean? If you’re a victor, then you will take parts of the tips mentioned
during this lesson and use them to your advantage. My dad used to tell me growing up, mind over
matter, and this basically means that you need to have the right mindset to continually improve.
There's a part of ourselves that craves the uncertainty of the unknown, the diverse and
the challenging. It's a calling to experience a wide range of emotions and states! As a language
learner, you're saying "I'm up for an adventure." As an English learner, you have made the decision
to get the best tool to launch yourself to explore the world and have that adventure.
A victor is adaptable, you can easily change the subject or think on your feet,
that is to think quickly. So if you forget a word, you can ask a question.
If you don't remember what to say, rely on survival phrases. If you panic, take a deep
breath and start over. If you are now familiar with the topic, use the opportunity to learn.
Don't become dependent on the tools, but use them in YOUR advantage.
Can you be a victor learner? I bet you can! If you want to become a victor learner or
if you think you already are a victor learner smash that thumbs up button.
So RealLifers, in this lesson I have given you some easy to apply tips
on what to do if you freeze up in your next conversation.
The big takeaway, or the thing I want you to learn from this lesson is that using your skills and
English that you already know will help you reach the point where freezing mid-conversation will be
a thing of the past. If you apply these tips, especially the tips I explained in scenario 4,
then you’re going to reach a level of English that you will be proud of.
If you enjoyed the lesson, smash that thumbs up button and don’t forget to subscribe and hit the
bell down below so we can continue to help you on your journey beyond the classroom. Aww yeah!