[APPLAUSE]
Welcome back to the show.
It's our favorite time of year here at "Full
Frontal," Black History Month.
It's that special time where we celebrate the accomplishments
of great black heroes, remind ourselves that white people may
have made some mistakes, and--
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER] we're still making them.
Never thought I'd be nostalgic for Kindle's Pepsi commercial.
These days we're getting rid of a lot of America's racist stuff
like the occasional statue, but that's just the obvious stuff.
Like glitter after a bachelorette party,
you may think you got it all, but it's lurking
where you least expect it.
[LAUGHTER]
So instead of picking one thing, we're
going to tell you about how everything you
see or use or enjoy is racist.
Welcome to the Racist Roadshow.
[APPLAUSE]
Really, I am shocked.
I had no idea.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
My grandpa was very, very racist.
[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
I'm Samantha Bee.
This is Racist Roadshow.
[APPLAUSE]
Thanks for bringing this wonderful record
to the roadshow.
What can you tell me about it?
Well, when I was in junior high,
we learned square dancing in gym.
And my grandmother gave me her old square dancing records.
And was your grandmother racist?
Well, it is a tradition in our family.
Let's see.
There's no wrinkles in the packaging.
The record has a minor scratch, but that
doesn't affect the value.
How would you feel if I told you the history
of teaching schoolchildren to square dance is racist?
Huh.
[LAUGHTER]
That's right.
Square dancing isn't just the whitest thing
you ever durn saw, it's actually the official dance
of white supremacy.
Industrialist Henry Ford hated jazz.
He thought it was a Jewish conspiracy
to use black music to get good white people into booze,
cigarettes, and sex.
And was it?
No.
That is what's racist about it.
[LAUGHTER]
Tight.
Henry Ford funded square dancing
tutorials, events, and competitions, sparking
a square dancing revival.
Then the square dancing jazz prevention program was
introduced into public schools.
That's why you randomly had a square dancing unit in PE.
Great work Henry Ford.
And no white person ever drank, smoked, or had sex ever again.
[LAUGHTER]
That looks delicious.
Can you tell me about it?
Yeah.
It's a chocolate cone with chocolate sprinkles
and it's been in my family for generations.
[LAUGHTER]
Now some people say that the brown sprinkles
are called "jimmies," which always
sounds a little racist to me.
The term "jimmies" is used in some parts of the country,
particularly in Boston.
So I could see why you'd suspect racism.
But unfortunately, there's no proof.
Oh, that's so disappointing.
But if your ancestors got this cone from an ice cream truck,
congratulations.
Your cone does have some racism.
Oh, goodie.
[ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING]
That catchy little tune you hear
as the ice cream truck approaches
is called, well, that.
The song was written by Harry C. Brown, who
took the music from "Turkey in the Straw,"
added racist lyrics, and had a hugely popular
minstrel hit on his hands.
And you thought the "Ghostbusters"
reboot ruined your childhood.
OK, so what do you have here today?
I have this pin from a popular and litigious
talking mouse cartoon.
Wow.
When I saw you come in here with this, I lit up with sadness.
[LAUGHTER]
Cartoons might be one of the most racist things here
tonight.
Crikey.
One of the first forms of popular entertainment
produced by white Americans was blackface minstrelsy.
White performers, many of whom had never even met
a black person, would blacken their faces with cork
and play super made up stereotypical characters.
Blackface minstrelsy was invented in the 1830s.
And by the 1840s, it was a phenomenon.
It was their NCIS, wildly popular
and went on far too long.
[LAUGHTER]
If you want to know what blackface minstrel shows look
like, you can find out by watching cartoons.
Ever wonder why so many cartoon characters wear gloves?
It's not because they're fancy waiters.
The costumes, character design, and extreme violence
without consequences that you still see in cartoons
are holdovers from blackface minstrelsy.
You know, so kids have something to watch while they eat
their racist ice cream sundaes.
Oh my god, I wish an anvil would fall on my head right
about now.
I love this game.
Lightning round!
[CHEERING]
A vintage roll of color film.
Racist.
Color film was originally only calibrated
to capture white skin tones, like in "La La Land."
Next.
My grandmother left me this antique speculum.
Gross.
Also racist.
The father of modern gynecology developed his
techniques by experimenting on African-American
slaves without anesthesia.
I've been using it as a salad server.
Next.
It's the lyrics to "The Star-Spangled Banner."
Ooh, check out the third verse, bro.
Oh my god.
Next.
A map of the world.
Racist.
Haven't you seen "West Wing"?
Next.
No.
It's the concept of the state of Oregon.
OK.
Oregon was originally founded as a whites-only state.
To this day, only 2.1% of the population is black, so.
That's not just racism, that's effective racism.
Next.
I brought this precious heirloom
in from my actual family.
But now that I know the premise behind this bit,
could I not do this and just leave?
Yeah man, do you.
Thanks so much for joining us on the Racist Roadshow.
If you find something you think might be racist,
ask someone black.
- No, Google it. - OK.
[LAUGHTER]
It probably is.
[APPLAUSE]
So from all of us here at Racist Roadshow,
remember, racism is everywhere.
Always feel uncomfortable for the rest of your life.
We'll be right back.
[APPLAUSE]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]