>>> BORN AND RAISED IN AN
ULTRAORTHODOX COMMUNITY IN
BROOKLYN, SHE WAS INTRODUCED TO
HER FUTURE HUSBAND WHEN SHE WAS
18 YEARS OLD.
BEFORE SHE KNEW IT, THEY WERE
MARRIED.
AND SHE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT SEX
OR ANYTHING OF THE SECULAR
WORLD.
HER JOURNEY FROM A COMPLETELY
ISOLATED COMMUNITY TO THE
OUTSIDE WORLD, WAS CAPTURED IN A
NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY CALLED "ONE
OF US" AND CAN ONLY BES HARROWIU
HERE'S HER STORY.
>> I'M 34 YEARS OLD.
I LEFT THE COMMUNITY IN 2016.
IT NEVER WAS MY INTENTION TO
LEAVE.
I LEFT BEHIND EVERYTHING.
MY COMMUNITY, MY JOB, MY FAMILY.
I THINK THE HARDEST WAS LEAVING
MY CHILDREN.
I LEFT BEHIND SEVEN CHILDREN.
GROWING UP IN THE COMMUNITY AS A
CHILD, IT WAS A POSITIVE
EXPERIENCE.
IT WAS YOUR WHOLE WORLD.
MARRIAGE IS ARRANGED THROUGH A
MATCHMAKER.
MY SOON-TO-BE HUSBAND WAS
STUDYING IN ISRAEL AT THE TIME.
HE WAS FLOWN IN.
WE MET TWICE, A FEW MINUTES.
AND WE GOT ENGAGED.
I WAS 18.
HE WAS 17.
I WAS TOLD ABOUT ALL OF THE
RULES AND HOW TO MAKE YOUR
HUSBAND HAPPY.
ZERO SEX TRAINING.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SEX WAS.
I WAS ENGAGED.
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW BABIES WERE
BORN.
AT 26, I HAD SEVEN KIDS.
THE FIRST TIME I FELT I COULDN'T
DO THIS, I FELT SUICIDAL WAS
JULY 2014.
AND I CHECKED MYSELF INTO THE
HOSPITAL.
I MADE A DECISION THAT I WANTED
TO LEAVE MY CHARJ.
WHAT I WAS EXPERIENCING AT HOME
WAS NORMAL.
I WASN'T GOING TO SURVIVE IN
THAT MARRIAGE MUCH LONGER.
I SHARED WITH HIM, I THINK WE
SHOULD SEPARATE.
HE WENT CRAZY.
HE WENT FROM BEING NICE ABOUT
IT, WE'LL MAKE THIS WORK TO I'M
GOING TO KILL YOU.
I DIDN'T REALIZE AT THAT POINT
THE POWER AND THE STRENGTH OF
THE COMMUNITY.
I WAS A BIT NAIVE.
I WENT TO FAMILY COURT.
I GOT MY ORDER OF PROTECTION.
THEY SERVED IT TO HIM.
HE WAS REMOVED.
HE HAD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE.
WITHIN AN HOUR AFTER HE LEFT THE
HOUSE, THERE WERE ABOUT 20
CIRCLING MY HOUSE, BANGING ON
THE WINDOWS AND DOORS AND
THREATENING TO BREAK DOWN THE
DOORS AND TAKE AWAY THE KIDS.
THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING.
I WOULD GO TO THE LOCAL GROCERY
STORE AND TOLD I CAN'T BUY
GROCERY STORES THERE.
I LOST MY JOB AND I LOST THE
MONEY.
I WAS AFRAID.
I GOT AFRAID FOR MY SAFETY AND
MY CHILDREN'S SAFETY.
I TOOK MY CHILDREN AND LEFT THE
COMMUNITY.
AND I MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT.
THAT WAS THE TURNING POINT WHEN
I REALIZED, I DON'T HAVE MONEY
FOR AN APARTMENT.
I'M CHANGING THE STATUS QUO.
I'M TAKING THEM OUT OF THEIR
HOMES AND I WAS AT MY BREAKING
POINT.
AND THERE WAS JUST NO FIGHT LEFT
IN ME.
>> SHE JOINS US NOW.
GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE.
THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
>> YOU WERE RAISED IN HASIDIC
COMMUNITY.
THAT'S ALL YOU EVER KNEW.
>> YEAH.
>> IT WAS AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THE
MARRIAGE?
>> MY EXPERIENCE WAS TYPICAL.
I GOT MARRIED VERY YOUNG.
I DIDN'T KNOW ANY DIFFERENT.
>> I MET HIM TWICE FOR 15
MINUTES.
I DIDN'T KNOW HIM PERSONALLY.
AND A MARRIAGE WASN'T SUPPOSED
TO BE SOMETHING LIKE LOVE OR
SOMETHING LIKE IT WAS SOMEBODY
THAT YOU ACTUALLY -- YOUR BEST
FRIEND.
THE REASON TO GET MARRIED AND
HAVE CHILDREN WAS TO HAVE A
FAMILY.
THE FIRST COUPLE OF YEARS IN OUR
MARRIAGE WAS LIKE THIS.
I WAS IDEALISTIC.
TRIED TO BE THE PERFECT WIFE.
WENT ABOUT DOING MY THING,
TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN,
WORKING.
HE WAS OUT OF THE HOME MOST OF
THE TIME, LEARNING.
THERE WAS NEVER -- I WAS MARRIED
FOR 12 YEARS.
WE NEVER SAID I LOVE YOU TO EACH
OTHER.
I DON'T THINK HE KISSED ME.
IT WAS A PRACTICAL PART OF OUR
LIVES.
>> REPRODUCING.
>> HAVING CHILDREN.
>> SEVEN KIDS IN EIGHT YEARS.
>> A LITTLE LESS.
SIX YEARS.
THERE WERE TWINS.
>> YOU WENT THROUGH WHAT A LOT
OF WOMEN GOES THROUGH, WHICH IS
DEPRESSION.
ANOTHER CHILD WOULD COME.
AND ANOTHER CHILD WOULD COME.
AND YOU DESCRIBED IT, AS THE
WATER WAS GETTING UP HERE.
IT GAME TO A PLACE WHEN YOU
CONSIDERED HARMING YOURSELF.
>> YEAH.
IN 2014, I HAD MY SIXTH AND
SEVENTH WERE A YEAR OLD, I WAS
EXTREMELY DEPRESSED AND ANXIOUS.
AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THOSE
WORDS MET.
I NEVER HEARD ABOUT MENTAL
HEALTH.
I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG
WITH ME.
AND I HAD A FEAR OF HOW AM I
GOING TO RAISE THEM?
THERE WAS A FEAR I COULDN'T DO
THIS.
NOW, I KNOW IT WAS ANXIETY.
I DIDN'T HAVE A NAME FOR IT.
THE ONLY WAY I WAS ABLE TO
EXPRESS MYSELF WAS WITH HURTING
MYSELF.
IT WAS A POINT WHERE I JUST
DIDN'T SEE HOW I WAS GOING TO
LIVE ANOTHER DAY WITH THE KIND
OF NOT HAVING A HUMAN BEING SIDE
OF ME.
IT WAS JUST A HOLLOW SHELL.
>> GETTING HER OUT OF HER
COMMUNITY AND HER MARRIAGE WOULD
TAKE A LOT MORE THAN
[ APPLAUSE ]
>>> WE'RE BACK WITH ETTY WHO
MADE THE DECISION TO LEAVE HER
FAMILY AND LIVE HER TRUTH.
YOU DECIDED TO LEAVE.
AS WE HEARD IN THAT TAPED PIECE,
THE REACTION YOU SAID WAS SWIFT
AND UNIFORM IN CUTTING YOU OFF.
>> YEAH.
>> THEY DIDN'T WANT ANYTHING TO
DO WITH YOU?
>> NO.
THE GOAL WAS TO SAVE THE
CHILDREN.
THEY FELT THAT I HAD SECULAR
IDEAS IN MY HEAD BECAUSE I HAD
GONE TO A SECULAR COURT.
THEY WERE WORRIED THAT I WAS
GOING TO SECULARIZE THE
CHILDREN.
THEIR GOAL AND THE REACTION WAS
WE HAVE TO SAVE THE CHILDREN'S
SOULS.
THAT WAS THE EXCUSE THEY USED,
WHERE, YOU KNOW, THEY DON'T WANT
ANYTHING THAT WAS NOT
RELIGION -- ON THEIR LEVEL.
GETTING INFILTRATED.
>> THE COURT DOCUMENTS SAID SHE
GOT CROSS-EXAMINED WHETHER SHE
LET THEM WEAR FUZZY SOCKS.
>> WITH A SNOWMAN.
>> YOU GOT IN TROUBLE.
THAT'S A SECULAR THING.
AND THE JUDGE RULED YOU LOST
CUSTODY OF YOUR SEVEN CHILDREN.
>> YEAH.
THE CUSTODY WAS -- IT'S
COMPLICATED AND COMPLEX.
BUT IT HAPPENED IN INCREMENTS
BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER THIS MOMENT
WHEN IT WAS, SHE'S NOT
RELIGIOUS, WE'RE TAKING THE
CHILDREN AWAY.
IT WAS, LET'S GIVE THE KIDS A
BREAK BECAUSE WE HAVE -- MAYBE
SHE'S NOT RELIGIOUS.
AND IT HAPPENS SLOWLY OVER TIME.
BUT THE COMMUNITY'S POWER AND
THE FINANCIAL, YOU KNOW, POWER
THEY HAVE IN THE COURT,
DEFINITELY PLAYED A STRONG ROLE.
>> IN THE DOCUMENTARY, THEY
PRODUCE A LETTER, THAT SHOWS THE
COMMUNITY ALLEGEDLY WORKING
TOGETHER TO MAKE YOU LOSE THAT
CASE BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT A
PRECEDENT OF SOMEBODY LEAVING
AND BEING ABLE TO SECULARIZE THE
CHILDREN.
ONCE YOU GOT OUT, AND WERE DEALT
THIS BLOW, YOU KNOW, SINCE THEN,
YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON YOURSELF,
IN EVERY WAY, AND MADE A
REALIZATION ABOUT YOURSELF.
CAN YOU TELL US WHAT IT IS?
>> YEAH.
A LOT OF REALIZATIONS.
ONE OF THEM WAS I CAME OUT AS
G
GA
GAY.
I CAN'T SAY UNEXPECTED BECAUSE
OF I HAD NO KNOWLEDGE OF
ANYTHING IN THE PAST, IT WAS
SOMETHING, AS I WAS FINDING
MYSELF AS A HUMAN BEING, I
WAS -- I DISCOVERED THIS IDEA.
IT RESONATED WITH ME.
I HAD A VERY DIFFICULT MARRIAGE.
AND MY SEXUALITY WAS SOMETHING
THAT WAS STRUGGLING IN MY
MARRIAGE.
AND I KIND OF EMBRACED IT.
IT'S GIVEN ME SO MUCH EMPOWER
EMPOWERMENT TO BE MY TRUE SELF.
I THINK IT'S BEEN A FOUNDATION
TO ME, BEING A STRONG PERSON WHO
I AM TODAY.
>> AMAZINGLY, THERE'S BEEN
BACKLASH AGAINST YOU.
THEY DIDN'T MENTION THIS IN THE
NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY.
AND SOME PEOPLE REACTED
NEGATIVELY TO YOUR SHARING THAT.
TO THOSE WHO QUESTION HOW YOU
COULD LEAVE A COMMUNITY IF IT
MEANT LOSING YOUR CHILDREN,
WHETHER YOUR SEXUALITY WAS AT
PLAY HERE, VERSUS YOUR OBJECTION
TO THE WAY THE HASIDIC COMMUNITY
WAS LIVING, WHAT DO YOU WANT
THEM TO KNOW?
>> IT WAS TO GET OUT OF A BAD
MARRIAGE.
THAT WAS MY AGENDA.
I CAN'T LIVE IN THIS MARRIAGE
ANYMORE.
AND EVENTUALLY, AFTER I MADE
THAT DECISION I WANTED TO GET
OUT OF MY MARRIAGE, IT TOOK A
YEAR OF HARASSMENT OF ANYTHING
THAT HAD TAKEN AWAY FROM ME.
MY JOB, MY CHILDREN, BEING
THROWN OUT OF SCHOOL.
CAN'T SHOP AT THE GROCERY,
CAMERAS AROUND MY HOUSE.
I LEFT THE COMMUNITY AND TOOK MY
CHILDREN WITH ME.
THAT WAS THE MOMENT THEY DECIDED
I WAS DISRUPTING THE CHILDREN'S
LIVES.
IT WAS THIS --
>> YOU WERE UP AGAINST IT.
AND THERE WAS A JUDGE IN THE
CASE WHO WAS FAVORABLE, IT
APPEARED, TO THE JEWISH
COMMUNITY.
WE REACHED OUT TO HER EX-HUSBAND
AND LAWYER.
THERE IS ONGOING LITIGATION AND