we cannot now
go back to where we were and i am
telling you
as i sit here i have told you the facts
on covid from day one
whether they were easy whether they were
hard i told you the truth
yeah you've told us the truth about
everything except for the part about the
nursing homes
and the women whoops
[Applause]
[Music]
yes here we go
here comes the camera happy monday
everyone
what a great show we have cat is back
after her life-saving surgery
now cat let's try to treat this liver
better than the last one
oh boy that hobo fought long and hard to
keep it
and sandra smith is back good to see her
giving uh
given her wild weekend wow
you're welcome i didn't know you spoke
two languages and we have a new first
time guest
aisha hosni did i get it
what was she thinking she'll be firing
her
agent in the first break all right
tonight's topic oh i know you can't wait
suicide yeah now don't turn the channel
until you hear me out
especially when you consider what else
is on i mean what could brian williams
be talking about anyway the olympics
again i'm brian williams reporting live
from the tokyo olympic games
seeing these athletes compete reminds me
of my own experience winning
39 gold medals in the late 1980s
whether it was the decathlon downhill
skiing or knocking out muhammad ali in
the first round
historians said my universal appeal as
an athletic specimen
led to the fall of communism little did
i know that
shortly after defeating ivan drago in
the 15 mile sprint of mount kilimanjaro
i would go on to become the first
olympian to finish a race with a
negative time
sadly i was forced to retire after the
world anti-doping agency determined that
my
soul was a performance enhancing drug
now back to the games
nicely done and what could be on cnn
right now maybe they're digging into the
crime epidemic now that it's affected
their dining experiences how can i enjoy
my pre-opera
champagne and escargot when there are
drive-bys happening
everywhere yeah i know what you mean
i've been feeling really unsafe lately
when i go to pick up my caviar in my
waxed lamborghini
i was on my way to the theater and i saw
a poor
stab another poor it was a midnight
showing of les miserables
wow yeah oh and i paid annie leibowitz
to take glamour shots of my cat and her
new diamond tiara
and there was a bum defecating in the
background of
every single shot that reminds me my
five-month-old was helicoptering home
from baby boarding school recently
and he was late because the pilot got
caught in a gang crossfire oh
your poor baby
now like many geniuses i worried about
the lockdown's impact on kids and teens
and i don't even like kids or
teens for the same reason i don't like
college students they don't know what
they're talking about and they always
need money
sounds like a democrat nice red meat
joke greg
way to know your audience thanks god
but i figured lacking interaction with
their peers would hurt their ability to
communicate and cooperate
plus they forget to bathe and floss so
they smell like a chunk of gorgonzola
just kidding nobody flosses right cat
plus
plus they usually lose a year of
education
but considering what they're being
taught that could be a plus i mean
how are they going to learn how racist
they are while not learning math
but i was holding two contrary thoughts
in my head which is already twice my
capacity
on one side of my brain i believe the
one-size-fits-all regimen of school
harms kids especially in public schools
which is about one step removed from
factory farming
and we aren't even getting soylent green
out of it the factory might pollute a
stream but schools pollute your kid's
mind
but the other side of my brain says hey
these kids are going to be ruined
forever if they don't get back to class
they're missing out
on so much but that really doesn't make
sense that's like saying to a soldier
who is laying in a hospital we got to
get you back to the front
you're missing out on so much what these
students
are what are these students missing out
on really judging by our test scores
it's not an education and given the
behavior of teachers unions it's hard to
say what's worse
school or the lockdown so after years of
wondering about the
coming mental health crisis the cdc
released data
showing that suspected suicides
dramatically increased among girls ages
12 to 17 in the u.s
compared to 2019 but oddly and this is
weird
the rate is inversely related to school
closures meaning
when schools close suspected suicide
attempts actually go
down then when schools reopen the
attempts go up
it's like children suddenly had dirt on
the clintons
so again schools close suicide attempts
among girls drop then schools open
they rose then when schools close for a
winter vacation the attempts plunge
again
then when the schools reopen again after
that the attempt suddenly jumped this is
weird
there was no increase for boys during
reopenings but they did see the drop
in lockdowns too so all of this sounds
totally counterintuitive
but it's not once you realize that
suicide death rates based on decades of
data
show that it falls during the summer and
christmas vacation so it's not actually
unique to the pandemic
it's what happens when you leave school
for any reason
so how do you explain this well school
sucks
and when you're home away from school
you're also away from the crap that
preys on
adolescent insecurities the clicks the
bullying
the need to belong meanwhile at home you
aren't forced to change for a gym class
in front of all the people that just
made fun of you a shout out to killmeade
it's a vicious prank take kids when
they're least immune to peer pressure
and throw them into a sea
of preening piranhas who have better
clothes and more money
on top of that at teachers who realize
that the model of teaching is to keep it
bland
and if you're the kid who's
unconventional or a little slower or a
genius
you end up left out the lonely kid at
the cafeteria table
you think it's a coincidence that
richard branson einstein and walt disney
all quit school at 15. i'm guessing it
wasn't the curriculum they found too
difficult
meanwhile when you're home with the
people who love you when you're with
them no matter how mad mom or dad get at
you they're not going to stuff you in a
locker
so sometimes science reveals a
connection between things that we always
knew to be true
but couldn't say out loud that family is
good
peers are bad and school is a prison
so maybe zoom classes weren't so bad
after all and as for the kid who is
eating alone at the cafeteria
i think about you a lot stay strong when
you're an adult you'll realize the
opinions of the teachers and children
around you
now they don't matter high school will
end in the real world their conformity
is a weakness while your uniqueness
is a strength no one ever said you know
why i like that guy he is totally
average and goes along with what's
popular today
if they did then cnn would be popular
[Applause]
if niceness where boxing she's a
refreshing punch in the face
america reports co-anchor sandra smith
she makes it her business to know
everyone's business the fox news
correspondent ishahassee
yes she's wiry fiery and would kill you
if you read her diary foxy's contributor
captive
and he always brings down the house if
he decides to lean on it
my massive sidekick and host have enough
set on fox tyrus
sandra good to see you good to see you
too thanks for having me you look like a
highly sophisticated real estate agent
i have to take off my jacket when i got
you know kind of get into that but i did
put on my my gut felt earrings
i like those i like those all right so
you had said to me before the show i
don't understand this talk
what you're getting at greg my point is
i be
i think that school is worse than a
lockdown am i wrong or i think that's
incredibly pessimistic and sad
i see where you're going i see that
you're trying to connect the dots
as many have during covet in these
closures and it's never anything to joke
about the
suicide rate because we did highlight
that there were suicides that took place
during these covet shutdowns
kids some of them were having a really
hard time with this so i don't think you
can connect the dots and they didn't say
there's a direct correlation
either but i think it's an interesting
observation and greg i think
now having listened to your monologue i
understand where you're coming from
and the coveted shutdowns did force a
lot of kids to spend a lot more time
with their parents and their families
and so while you're pointing to this
happened on a lesser rate when these
kids were home
under the watchful eye of their parents
don't forget while they were home a lot
of these parents were not going into
their offices for 10 12 hour days
and they understood more what their kids
were going through there was more
communication
i think it also highlights something we
talked about a lot along
the pandemic way and that was parents
were looking over their kids shoulders
what they were learning in these
classrooms what their teachers were
talking about what they were
i think there's obvious negatives about
the
the covid pandemic but perhaps what
you're trying to do
is highlight uh some sort of positive
about the parents at home
are able to see what their kids are
doing they are the support network but
greg
i am long-term positive on our schools i
think there's bad teachers unions
there's bad teachers
but i think overwhelmingly we have good
schools and good teachers
out there and i hope i hope our school
systems can come around to a place where
we are educating our kids better i
really do
well i think the conclusion from your
words or that you agree 100
with me somewhat somewhat sounds like
that yes uh i say
um i i sader kind of hits on it you're
getting away from some of the things in
school and you're spending more time
with your family
yeah could that be could that be the
correlation could that be the cause
i think that's that's an excellent point
i just want to say the only thing i miss
about
school is rectangle pizza can i
who remembers rectangle that plastic
cheese
is so much better than new york pizza
that is the only thing
wow that is a statement the rectangle
pizza is better than new york people i
love
it so much i wish we could find someone
to send it to me you can get it in any
freezer section i'm pretty sure
i've never been able to find it yes all
right
after this um look when i was a kid
growing up in indiana i was this like
you know little immigrant
child from pakistan that was uh just
trying to be cool
i was super hairy unibrow it was not the
time of my life
i didn't even get to go to believe i
didn't get to go to prom can i get a boo
for that
i wasn't gonna go to prom um they're
told not to boo
they're like what do we do that is
you're the first person
that ever asked the audience to boo
i mean i i still still deeply regret
that
um my mom and dad would not let me go
but even though
high school was tough i learned so much
i feel like i
grew so much during that time and now i
go back
and i talk to kids in bedford indiana
and i try to
do exactly this like to prevent teen
suicides and or like getting knocked up
or you know dying of a drug overdose
there's so many things that can go wrong
um but i think like i would advocate for
the gutfeld show to go on the road and
start speaking with schools to show them
like
i'm not allowed in your school well life
could be like
yeah no i agree i agree we are going to
go on the road at some point but we just
have to deal with the legal system first
well you do i'm not putting on that
ankle bracelet again
it beeps all the time all right tyrus
you have a number of children yes yes
thank you for always bringing that up
but i'm an active parent so yes whatever
um
here's as a former teacher what
we're seeing here and you're actually
you're both right and this is this is
why this is such a tough subject
for boys that's different because we
settle our stuff
physically in groups and stuff and it's
a lot easier for boys to overcome
bullying and because they it doesn't
follow them home
yeah they have to wait for the next day
at recess right
typically and then eventually they all
get in trouble and they become friends
girls on the other hand and i have three
daughters
no and i'm most but this is where the
parents
have to especially fathers have to be
active roles in their daughter's lives
but it comes to self-esteem
and being able to deal with stuff
because girls become
hooked on likes it's not just
over when they come to school and their
outfit doesn't look good or there and i
didn't go to prom either by the way
and they're and someone makes fun of
them or says they're fat
they go home and they get on facebook
and that same group of girls has now
got a picture of them going how fat is
she in a scale of 1 to 10 and she sees
all the likes or she goes
she puts a new selfie up and no one
likes it
it carries over and unfortunately our
media
the things that we look important the
role models that we have for girls out
there
and no disrespect to the kardashians but
when you spend millions of dollars on
plastic surgery and things like that and
you come on and talk about girl power
and things you need to do
they can't if they can't get a boob job
and hair extensions and
nose and and that no but that's what
girls see
yeah and they're passing it off as they
did it through hard work and
they just had it so when our girls see
this
it's not just school because at school
they get bullied and then it's waiting
for them when they get home and this is
where
you got to be a parent you got to see
what they're doing on social media
you got to see when your daughter is
getting picked on you've got to see when
your daughter thinks it's more important
how she looks in the morning opposed to
does she do her homework last night
right those are things that we probably
saw during the and they didn't have to
do it
during the pandemic then they go to
school and those things are waiting for
them if they gain weight during the
pandemic right
if dad lost his job and she's wearing
the same shoes that when
school and the girls are like oh she's
not fab she's not
that stuff's devastating for girls and
we need to do a better job
especially fathers as reinforcing our
daughters that
doesn't matter because our sons don't
care they'll have a pizza stand in their
shirt all day and be like what i had
pizza i love it it's
rectangular square pizza where dollars
would be like i have a stain on my shirt
and we'll hide in the bathroom all day
yeah
yeah cat you said you were experiencing
a flashback and i want to point out that
this was unique
because it wasn't drug related right
well you know damn
could might might not be
uh yeah i was and like i didn't care how
i looked at all
uh which was probably part of the
problem
i want to start a charity for hair
extensions for the kids
um but no like boys you're right like
girls they will punch you in the soul
i had so many flashbacks i was sitting
at this lunch table where there was
like multiple friend groups and it was
full and michelle came over and she's
like ugh
why doesn't cat just sit on the floor
like
like who does that that's not okay why
do i find that funny
i got thrown
and everyone there had a wristband on
they were like where's your wristband oh
sorry only cool kids got the wristbands
you have to leave
and i was so bad and where am i now
where are the cool kids now
exactly they all got pregnant at 19.
and and i but like i it's like i'd love
to say i don't care but i did go to my
high school reunion like 10 years after
my teaching high school reunion like i
you know had some success
at that point and everyone was trying to
talk to me and i was still kind of like
like i still it still mattered yeah
there you go don't cry
oh i don't know that's just my eyes are
just bloodshot
all right i'm glad we worked our way
through this
topic yes america more fun up next day
lithia olympic hey sean hannity here hey
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