- Hey, everybody.
Today, we're gonna talk about infertility
and how we can better cope
if we find ourselves struggling with it.
But before I jump into this important topic,
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Now, infertility is a medical condition
that can not only create more stress in our life,
but even put strain on our most important relationships.
There are already plenty of pressures in life.
Let's be honest,
like what school do you want to go to?
What career do you feel is best for you?
How much money you're gonna make, can you support yourself?
When will you get married?
And of course, when do you want to have children?
Now, for many people, I looked up the stats, you guys,
five million people, or one in 10 couples,
so a lot of people are affected by this
and they struggle with infertility
and they don't have an easy answer to that question,
when do you want to have children.
Many people find themselves
trying for years to have a baby
and spending tens of thousands of dollars
working with doctors to get pregnant.
When someone struggles with infertility,
it can feel like their body has betrayed them.
Some of my friends have shared how they feel like
they must have done something wrong to cause this,
like maybe I wasn't eating right
or I exercise too much or not enough or I don't know.
Or I don't really feel like a woman
if I can't have a baby.
And it can place extra financial
and emotional stress on their relationships
and turn the loving act of sex
into a pressured, time-sensitive activity.
Many of my friends are tracking their ovulations,
like we have to have it now.
And that can just kinda take all the romance out of it.
Overall, know that dealing with infertility
can be difficult.
And however you feel about it
is warranted and completely okay.
But since the issue can drag on for years and years
and really take a toll on our mental health,
it's important that we find some ways
to better cope with all we may be going through.
And my first word of advice is to acknowledge your feelings.
I know I talk about this all the time,
but it's so vitally important that we tap in
to just how we feel each and every day
and notice what comes up for us.
This can help us be more mindful of our
own situation and our mental health.
If we realize that we have been feeling more anger
or exhaustion lately, then we can make sure that
we put more effort into our self care
or take some nights off from hanging out with friends
or others so that we just get some down time.
Let's make the time to acknowledge what we're feeling
and write it down or maybe even practice saying it out loud
or even make a feelings collage about a particular emotion,
you know that may be plaguing your days lately.
If you haven't heard me describe feelings collages before,
it's pretty much you take a white piece of paper,
you write the feeling word in the middle
and then you fill it in, the rest of that white paper,
with other words and quotes and memories and maybe photos
that remind you of that feeling word.
Because sometimes we can say more in pictures
or in quotes from others
than we actually can express ourselves.
That's why feeling collages are a great way
to help us process through a difficult feeling
and also see how we have been feeling
all spelled and collaged out.
Sometimes it's good to reference back and be like
that is what anger feels like
or that is what disappointment feels like.
Now if all those ideas and the feelings collage
seems like way too much and you don't wanna try them,
at least try to come up with three to five feelings
at the end of the day today.
See how that goes.
If you can only come up with one,
well that's more than you did yesterday
and we have to start somewhere.
It's best to meet ourselves where we're at.
There's no room in this tip for any judgment
or guilt so just do the best you can.
Number two, give yourself permission to feel how you feel.
Try to lean in to all that's going on in your head
instead of shoving it down and trying to ignore it.
Do you wanna scream, do you wanna cry,
do you want someone to hold you
or do you just wanna curl up in a ball and be left alone?
Give yourself the time to express all that you feel
and let it out.
I know personally, when I'm upset,
if I'm not able to vent it in some way,
hopefully it's using a healthy coping skill like walking,
journaling, or you know talking to my therapist,
if I don't have a chance to do that,
it just boils over into other parts of my life.
I could even have more road rage than usual
or pick a fight with a loved one.
Sometimes, if I haven't been in therapy for a bit,
I know that I should, you know, remember,
I'm not perfect either,
but I can just be irritable and angry
with everyone and anyone around me.
But by giving ourselves a permission
to feel it as it comes,
we can ensure that no innocent bystander gets hurt,
even if that bystander is us and it's our own mental
and physical health that takes the brunt of it.
Number three, talk to your partner
or a supportive person in your life.
It is so important that you not only have a support system
around you to help you as you work through this,
but dealing with infertility can take its toll
on our relationship or our marriage.
It can cause resentment, misplaced anger,
bring up feelings of inadequacy,
and at times make you feel so disconnected from one another.
Even though different people
will react differently to infertility,
it's important to talk about all you're feeling
and to listen to them express their take on it too.
Just because they may respond differently
doesn't mean that either of your feelings
are right or wrong.
Just be open to talking about it with them.
It's so important that we communicate.
Give yourself the time to do it.
And working as a team is important also
for the longevity of your relationship.
It will ensure you come out of this time
in your life stronger together.
If you and your partner are already having
too difficult a time to talk it out on your own,
reaching out to a therapist in your area
is a great resource too.
You can even look for one that specializes
in infertility issues.
There are a lot of them out there.
And ideally, I mean let's be honest,
we all should be in therapy while trying to conceive,
since having a child can put a lot
of strain on a relationship,
because of lack of sleep, lack of alone time together,
the financial stress it could cause.
There's a lot of things.
So getting into therapy to prevent any issues
from getting bigger is always best.
Number four, allow yourself to grieve.
Infertility can often mean dealing with miscarriage
or even grieving the loss of what you thought
the process would be like for you and your partner.
We so often feel the urge to keep pushing through
and ignore how different life may be
than what we had planned.
Giving ourselves the time to acknowledge that difference
and be sad or mad about it can help us better manage
this very difficult time.
Joining support groups for infertility or for those
who've lost a child due to miscarriage can be really,
really helpful too and give you more of
a chance to express all you may be feeling.
Honestly, I think it can be validating just to hear
that someone else feels very similarly to how we feel.
And I truly believe that we all need to grieve a lot
at different points in our lives,
not just when we lose loved ones.
Things don't always turn out as planned
and much of what we go through is completely
out of our control.
We often have to grieve the loss
of the dream that we maybe had,
maybe that dream about what life was gonna look like
and be like and feel like.
So maybe today, try writing out what you thought
this process was going to be like and look like to you.
And then maybe cry about it, tear up what you wrote,
throw it in a fire.
It's okay to be upset.
It's okay to grieve.
We just have to give ourselves the time needed
to really, really feel it.
And fifth and finally, take care of yourself.
During times of extreme stress or upset,
we can neglect our basic needs.
So make sure you're showering regularly,
getting enough sleep and eating when you're hungry
and stopping when you're full.
If you feel any of these things are way off
or too difficult to complete,
now would be a good time to reach out to see a therapist.
Since self care is something we have to do on our own,
so even if you're going to therapy alone,
without your partner,
it can still really help during this time,
because we all need to make our issues with infertility
don't push us into a depressive episode
or make any of our pre-existing mental illnesses worse.
So take the time to care for yourself
and ensure that you're able to manage your basic needs
each and every day.
There is so much more to talk about
when it comes to this subject,
but I just wanted to really start the conversation with you.
This video has been brought to you
by the Kinions on Patreon.
If you would like to support the creation
of these mental health videos,
click the link in the description and check it out.
So please let me know if there's another topic
within this realm that you'd like to see me create,
I would love to talk about this more
and as always, share your experience too.
Are there things you did to help you cope
with your fertility issues or anything you wish
that I would have mentioned?
Let me know in those comments down below
and I will see you next time.
Bye!