- Hey everybody, it's fun and live Friday.
And thank god that it is,
'cause I'm gonna hit the road running
and let the good times roll, roll.
It's been a long week.
I feel, I think it's because I was gone last week.
Sorry, my nose is itchy.
I think it's because I was gone last week,
and then, when you get back you know you have like
all that stuff you have to catch up on,
I need to response to this.
I need to send out this stupid bill.
I need to get over here, I need to do this.
I need to go to the grocery store.
I need to do my laundry.
Blu blu blu,
And now I'm tired
(sigh)
So, anyway, but I'm glad it's Friday, Yay!
We have three day weekend for those of you who,
I'm assuming are in the states,
I don't think they have Memorial Day in any
other parts of the world,
'cause we have Memorial Day on Monday.
Which is a day that we set aside to
pay respects.
And let people know how much we appreciate the fact
that people who've served in our country to give
us all the wonderful things that we often times
forget to even notice that we have freedom,
that we don't have horrible wars happening in our
country right now all the time, and they keep up safe.
And so if any of you have served in our military,
thank you so much for all that you do.
It makes me all teary sometimes.
I think because I'm just a crier and things,
I know that people have given their lives and it,
it's the ultimate sacrifice and I'm very grateful.
So thank you all.
So I have three questions today and then I
have a journal topic that one of my followers sent to me.
So thank you so much for sending it.
It's a wonderful quote, and I really like it.
And I'm actually gonna do some soul searching
and thinking on my own about it.
Okay, so without further ado, first question.
Hi Katie my question is,
Is anger a normal emotion?
I'm experiencing it a lot lately,
and I'm reacting with anger to everything.
Even the most simplest of things.
Does this mean that I need help?
I also cut and the more angry I get
the louder that voice gets.
It's like a cycle.
Do I need help or is this something I will grow out of?
Bearing in mind no one knows about my self harm.
Please help.
Love your videos.
Of course anger is a normal emotion.
Should we be feeling it all the time?
Probably not,
but anger is normal.
Like, I know that if someone cuts me off on the
road and I get like really pissed off,
and I'm like, son of a bitch, oh my god.
Then I'm being a little irrational,
I'm being a little hot headed.
Whatever you want to call it.
But, being angry in general,
people that have hurt you or
things that have happened that just suck.
Or, anything like that, anger is something that we're
going to feel.
We should not be lashing out all the time.
Often times I tell my clients that means
that there pot is full.
Sometimes I think of us as like a pot on the stove
filled with water or something,
like a teapot,
and if we get like so full of steam,
that anger is steam, you know we're going to have
to shoot it out somewhere.
Like how our teapots make their noise.
Whatever their noise is right?
And so, I always think it sounds like a train.
But, that's just me.
So, it sounds like you're teapot of emotion
is full all the time.
Like something may have happened recently.
Or something has been going on.
And so, you're always feeling like you just don't have
that extra cushion to be like,
yeah, go ahead no big deal, or,
I understand things are stress, I know that you're busy,
don't worries if you have to cancel.
But we don't have any of that softness,
because we're just maxed out.
And so yes I would encourage you to get help.
You don't have to talk about your self harm
right away if that's not something that you
really want to, you know, get into yet.
But I would encourage you to find someone.
I promise therapy is not that scary and talking
to someone will really help alleviate that full feeling.
And kind of bring you down where you just feel
a little bit more about to manage life and the stressors
that come along with things we do all day, right?
So I hope that helps, and if any of you have dealt with,
you know, feeling like you're full of anger all the time,
leave your comments below and let us know how you
blew off some of that steam and let yourself
feel a little better.
Question number two.
Why is it so hard to keep recovering when you've
been recovering for over a year?
It just seems like it gets easier and then it gets
harder again.
Is this normal?
And why does this happen?
Yes it's very normal.
It, I mean,
recovery is a process,
I know I say that a lot,
but it's very true.
Everyone's process is different.
And depending on what we're dealing with,
if we're dealing with like, a past filled with
a lot of traumatic events and struggles,
and things that we've never dealt with before,
It's going to take us a while to better manage it.
And as we dig in to those things and we start
talking about it,
we'll feel worse at first.
I have a video, why does it feel worse at first?
I think, or why does it feel worse before it gets better?
Or something like that, you might want to
check that out.
Ah, I think it's dusty out,
my nose is driving me crazy.
So, we might feel worse at first and then we'll
start to feel better again.
And then we'll feel worse.
And it will kind of go like that until we
feel like we have a real grip on,
the way that we can mentally cope with it.
Does that make sense?
So it's like once you kinda get in a groove
where you're like,
Okay, well when I feel really stressed out I can
take a bath.
I can color.
I can journal.
I can call my friend.
I can watch modern family, 'cause it's hilarious.
I can do whatever to kind of help myself feel better.
And then I know I'll feel better,
and until we have that intuition of ourselves,
until we know ourselves that well during our
recovery process, we're going to have these ups and downs.
And as we dig into old stuff or things that we haven't
talked about before,
we're going to have those down moments too.
So, that's it, did I answer all the,
and why does it happen?
Okay, yeah, so I hope that helps answer,
I know it can be really hard to deal with
when you feel like you've been working so hard
for so long, but trust me it does get better.
And those hard times will get fewer and they won't
be as bad, and we'll start finding that we're,
we're just feeling pretty good.
So, keep at it and keep me posted, okay?
Question number three.
Hey Katie, so my girlfriend has border line
personality disorder, or BPD, I have a video on it
if you're curious what that is.
And most of the time we get along really great
and everything is okay,
but then there are other times when she gets
incredibly sad, mad, and shuts off,
in a really rude way.
I try to show her she's worth everything,
but how can I support her without sounding like
a mother or someone else?
I want to show her,
support, and show her how much she means to me
and that she's worth fighting for.
I hope you know what I mean.
Being in a relationship with someone who has borderline
personality disorder can be really difficult.
And this is not to say that it doesn't work out,
or it won't work out, because it definitely will.
And they're people too, right?
But they have to be working on better managing their
emotions, now this is what tends to happen,
exactly what this person is describing that,
that her girlfriend will get you know,
really sad and mad, and shut off completely.
We, I talk in my DBT groups that I used to run,
and with my DBT patients now,
how often times you're putting people on pedestals.
They're amazing, they're the best
thing that's ever happened.
Or, we're shoving them under the bus.
And we're like fuck you, I hate you,
god dammit, get out of my life, blah blah blah.
And, it's really hard to be a person on the
receiving end, i.e. a therapist, because I get that a lot.
Like, oh you're amazing.
Why did you tell me to do that you're such an asshole.
And we have like almost sessions filled with yelling and,
we try to manage those emotions.
And so what I would encourage you to do,
if you're in a relationship with someone like this,
is to encourage them,
to seek help.
Or, if they don't have the money or they can't,
grab that workbook that I've, it's on my website
I believe.
It's like a,
dialectical and behavioral therapy workbook.
And it's not, Marsha's not the woman who wrote it,
but it's another gentleman.
I forget the name off the top of my head.
But that workbook is really great and it's something
that you can maybe work with them together,
and talk about together.
And express how it makes you feel at times,
and how things are happening.
And what, what the receiving part of it is like,
and how you want to help.
And I think navigating those waters slowly,
they'll be times when each of you get upset.
But, what are biggest struggle with when we have
borderline personality disorder is emotion regulation,
and like, feeling safe.
Because often that attachment issue and like,
oh I love this person,
but if they hurt me I'll be ruined.
Ah, ah, and we do this like I hate you,
I love you, I hate you, I love you,
because we don't feel safe,
and so anybody
would feel that way, right?
So I'd just encourage you to start working together,
it can be really healing for both of you to
walk through the process of better managing
emotions and it'll help you work on communication,
and I think it will really really benefit you.
Okay, I hope that helps.
Now, my journal topic today is amazing.
Now I'm going to read it out to you.
And I'm going to itch my nose in the meantime.
Okay, it is terrible thing, I think,
in life to wait until you're ready.
I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever
ready to do anything.
There's almost no such thing as ready.
There's only now.
And as you may well, and you may as well do it now.
Generally speaking, now is a good of time as any.
And that's by Hugh Laurie.
And I thought that was just such a great quote,
because I just finished watching Grey's Anatomy,
season finale, I'm not going to give anything away.
But, I just finished watching it,
and she talks about that.
Christina has a voiceover and she talks about,
like stepping forward and doing something
that you're scared to do,
because that's when great things happen.
And we're never ready.
There's never a time in my life,
we're I've felt ready to,
you know, I mean I guess I felt ready to take my exams,
but when you're making changes and you're doing things
that are different, and hard,
we're never gonna feel ready.
So what are you waiting for?
Why not do it now?
Now is as good of time as any.
So I'd like you to take some time,
and I'm going to take some time,
and think about the things you've been putting
off because you think you're not ready.
Or, you don't really feel like you could do it right now.
And you're kind of scared, I want you to consider
those and then think,
well now is a good a time as any.
And let's start, you know, making some lists and
doing some things that maybe are a little uncomfortable
at first but can only lead us to positive things.
Okay?
I love you all.
Have a wonderful three day weekend.
My video will come out as planned and I'll
see you on Tuesday, and I'll be on Tumblr.
So ask your questions there.
Bye.