Hey what's up I'm Rachel Star schizophrenic so um it's kind of funny I
joke a lot to people uh-huh I teach modeling acting classes and I joke a lot
to my students I'm dead inside oh I say that quite a bit and I'm joking
but I also kind of not um I don't really feel anything... um I've always kind of called
this blunted emotions which I was told there's um a lot of different like
levels and with different disorders but what's most commonly connected with
schizophrenia that I've found is actually you guys words an- anhedonia
anhedonia? anhedonia The words popping up alright um and yeah
that is the inability to experience pleasure um whether you're talking about
like eating some of your favorite food hanging out with friends relationships
all the way to sex to watching like your favorite movie alright um and the causes
is usually that there's some sort of breakdown in the brain's reward system
and dopamine they don't really know what causes it but it is one of the main
negative symptoms of schizophrenia every yeah definitely I feel nothing like all
the time it takes like something really intense to make me to make me feel okay
something really intense horrible has to happen or something really intense like
great has to happen um but everything else is just kind of blah um and it's
not you know a lot of disorders and stuff have like you don't react right to
emotions um so for instance something happens let's
say your emotions don't react right um with schizophrenia is more like you just
don't feel anything it's also a common side effect with depression where you
just feel nothing so you don't feel sadness it's just nothing reason I don't
really brought this up before my videos is it kind of makes you feel like a
freak I watch people a lot I'm just very like kind of visual when I
watch people and like watching their reactions to things jokes happiness I'm
really good at pretending really good at pretending pretty much everyday stuff a
lot of people are saying oh my god Rachel you're so happy and you're so
full of energy you only see me for like a blip if you're watching these videos
you're only seeing like such a small part of my life and by the way I'm alone
I'm alone shooting this okay it's easy for me to be energetic and smiley when
I'm alone I I'm so bad at social interactions like I hate going to things
like I hate it it's like I want to be invited to things but also like when I'm
there I get so weird um and I'm talking to myself the entire
time like okay go over talk to this person okay good job you said two
sentences peace out so you don't annoy them um it's just kind of like a
constant thing it's definitely definitely affected relationships I
don't really have them if you always asked like like people email me these
questions about relationship advice for people with schizophrenia and mental
disorders and my response is always gonna be the same I am not the one to
ask I am NOT there is not gonna be any good experience I can share with you
because I don't know what to tell you and I know other people other people
mental disorders who are married and have kids and stuff and that's awesome
um I'm not one of them I I wish I could fill something there's so many times in
life where I wish I could feel something I am as you know for a long time I
stopped filming my videos this year um it's just I couldn't I didn't want to I
I still had ideas of stuff to do for videos but I didn't want to it was
like too much and it was just like a big dead spot in my life and that used to be
the only it made me happy and I'm not happy right now
there's nothing happy about me but I kind of on my new medication it gave me
more energy to do this and so I have to do something let's put it towards this
there's really no I mean I'm didn't make this video to give like tips on how to
get over not feeling anything if you're a schizophrenic or whatever and you're
like me especially with depression I don't know I don't know the answer and I
don't want to be like the answer is fake it like me um gives it the terrible
answer I'm Rachel star thank you so much for watching if you're schizophrenic
like me just keep going
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