Jory: I've got a new microwave laboratory now.
Jon: So, you know we mean business.
Riley: DON'T try this at home!
Jory: (in Boston accent throughout intro) Hello, and welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This? I'm your host, Jory Caron.
Riley: (in exaggerated Boston accent throughout intro) And I'm your foreman, Riley McIlwain.
Jory: Well, we're gonna be microwaving these safety vests here, because safety is our #1 concern. Donated by Charles Coy.
Riley: Hey, hey, hey, you know what? Back up, cameraman, back up! You're way too close, you're way too close!
Riley: Back it up, back it up, back it up!
Jory: We're professionals!
Riley: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, come on!
Riley: I told you that! Listen to me here!
Jory: (nervously) I should get out of here...
Riley: I'm a foreman!
*theme song plays*
Jory: It smells like victory!
Jory: All hands to the deck!
Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!
Jory and Jon: WHOA!
Jory: You got that on camera, right?
Riley: I don't trust this bitch!
Jon: Are you out of your mind?!
Jory: The masks- they do nothing!
Riley: You TOTALLY could have died!
Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!
Jory: Stopping, stopping!
Riley and Playlist Live crowd: 3.5!
Jon: YEAH!
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Jory: Let's find out! Here at the Jory Caron Laboratory 3-point...
Riley: (sillily) Five!
Jory: (laughs) What?!
Jory: Safety is a really cool thing. I wish we had it! But we just have these vests!
Jon: Well, we've got the tin foil shield!
Jory: Well, yeah, right.
Riley: And we DO have these safety VESTS, Jory!
Jory: (trying to put vest on) Is this how it goes?
Riley: (seductively) Oh, no! My vest fell off!
Jory: Yeah! Oh, man! Oh, mine doesn't even fit, 'cause I'm so big!
Riley: Here's Rapunzel!
Jon: (to Jory) Yeah, in your pants!
Jory: Okay, so, uh...
Riley: Let's just put 'em both in there.
Jory: Yeah, let's put this one in there first, and, uh...
Jory: Yeah, there we go!
Jon: Last one in's a rotten egg!
Jory: That's good! How long are we gonna put it in there? What's a safe, safe time?
Jon: Four-hundred-and-thirty-nine!
Jory: That's not really safe, but let's do it!
Jory: Four-thirty...
Jory: (to Riley; referring to Rapunzel's buttons) Can I at least hit ONE of them?!
Riley: Hit the "start" button. Now! NO!
Jory: (laughing nervously) Oh, no!
Jory: Okay, let's do this [beep]!
*sound of jackhammer*
Jory: Ready?
Riley: Yup!
Jon: In 5, 4, 3, 2...
Riley: (to Jory) Clap! CLAP!
Jory: Oh, [beep]! [Beep]!
*Riley laughs*
Jory: These safety vests are lame! I'm callin' it!
*Jory and Riley laugh*
Jory: Right now! This episode is OVER!
Riley: This is BORING!
Ryan: Yeah, this one's LONG!
Jory: We should have covered them in gasoline, and just thrown a match at them!
Jory: Is it a good idea to dump gas on this, and just throw a match at it?
Jon: Is anything happening in there?
Riley: Nothing, nothing!
Jory: (singing) Fun, fun, think of a fun experiment! Can we, please?
Jon: This is more boring than my prom night! What is going on in there?!
Jory: Stop it, stop it!
Jory: (to Riley) Stopped? Lights, give me some lights!
Riley: Let's explain to people what we're doing, first!
Jory: I'm goin' in! Goin' in, goin' in!
Jory: See how exciting that was?
Jon: It WASN'T!
Jory: Let's spice it up! Orange!
Jon: (excitedly) Ooh!
Jory: Orange is a safe color, right?
Jory: I'll just start it now.
Jory: I'm starting now! Look at safety, look at safety!
Jory: Bein' safe here? Bein' safe here, doin' safe things!
Riley: Ooh! Oh, oh, oh!
Jory: Come on, come on!
Jory and Riley: Come on!
Riley: Come on, come on!
Jory: Come on!
Jory and Riley: Come on!
Riley: Come on, come on!
Jory: Is that the lighter that's doing that?
Riley: I hope so! Come on!
Jory: Come on!
Jory and Riley: (excitedly) OH!
Jory: Fire!
Riley: There it is!
Jory: Aw, yeah!
Riley: Yeah!
Jory: Let's just leave it!
Riley: Oh, oh!
Jory: Aw, yeah! Light that vest!
Riley: Aw, yeah! Light it, light it! Mmm-hmm!
Jory: Aw!
Riley: Oh, yeah! Light that, light it!
Jory: Aw, yeah!
Riley: (through clenched teeth) Light it, light it!
Jon: Safety vests...
Riley: ...Are no longer safe! Whoa!
Ryan: Whoa!
Riley: There we go! Come on! Engulf it! Engulf the vests!
Riley: It couldn't, like, burn any slower, could it?
*Riley and Ryan laugh*
Riley: I like how the whole microwave used to be filled with two vests. Now, you can only see just a lump!
Riley: I have an extra lump, but we'll talk about that next time on "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
Jory: I think I'm gonna stop it. Even though it only has, like, 13 seconds left...
*Jory turns off Rapunzel*
Jory: You know, 'cause I felt like it.
Riley: (muffled through mask) Open her up, Jory!
Jon: Release the vest... Oh, my goodness!
Riley: It's just...
Jon: (muffled) That's good, that's good!
Jon: There's, like, five different colors of flame in there!
Riley: The lighter never went off! Everyone get down!
Jory: It's burning through my gloves, and then it's going to burn ME!
Jory and Riley: (in Jon's "Movie Night" intonation from "Troll 2") OH, MY GOD!
Jory: So, you may be wondering if it's a SAFE idea to microwave safety vests?
*Riley gives Mr. McFly-type laugh*
Jory: It's not!
Riley: Nope!
Jory: Because, uh, they... They... Well, I don't know, actually...
*Riley laughs*
Jory: I don't actually know if THEY catch fire, but a lighter and a safety vest WILL!
Jory: And most construction workers smoke, according to a statistic that I just made up!
Jory: So, if you throw a construction worker into a microwave...
Riley: He'll be dead!
Jory: ...and he brought his lighter with him, he'll be dead!
Jon: You'll also be committing first-degree murder, but hey!
Jory: Yeah! And you'll have to find a microwave big enough for a construction worker!
Jory: So, that's about it for this episode of...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
I'm your host, Jory Caron.
I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain.
*end credits play*
Riley: (in Hispanic-sounding accent) Come on! What are you, stupid?
Riley: I'm Spanish now!
*Jory laughs*
*Click on episode #42 to see why Diane's intense filth from the lighter reminds Ezra of better days!*