INFJs are used to the feeling of being completely alone in a room full of people.
Besides feeling misunderstood for most of their lives, the INFJ personality type actually
enjoys their individualistic and independent attitude.
However, their preference of an independent life can come with it’s repercussions, one
major repercussion being loneliness.
Welcome or welcome back Psych-o!
Today we’ll be talking about 10 reasons why the INFJ personality type typically feels
so lonely in life.
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Alright, jumping right into the video, starting with..
Number 1: They want to be alone While INFJs may be considered one of the lonliest
personality types, it’s not to say that they don’t particularly enjoy being alone
most of the time.
This introverted and independent personality type would much prefer spending time with
themselves in the peace and quiet of their nest rather than going out and socializing
when they get the chance.
The contradicting thing about the INFJs preference for solitude is that they also crave human
connection and actually really enjoy being on the sidelines of social interactions to
analyze the behaviors of others.
This creates a constant push and pull of feeling lonely, and then feeling overwhelmed by social
interaction and obligations.
They may make plans with people in their lonely phase and then feel extremely uninterested
when the time comes to actually go out and make those plans happen.
Number 2: They never feel completely understood Besides the fact that INFJs are the epitome
of walking paradoxes, this personality type has always felt misunderstood in life.
In fact, most times it’s even difficult for an INFJ to fully understand themselves.
And since this analytical type is so fixated on understanding other people, they can often
feel as though nobody puts the same amount of effort into understanding them.
This misunderstanding isn’t just with strangers and acquaintances, but also with the INFJs
closest people.
They often feel misunderstood in romantic relationships, friendships and family connections
which creates a type of loneliness that not many other personality types experience.
Although people may think they know the INFJ for who they really are, most people only
know them for who they want to be seen as.
Number 3: They are hesitant to speak their minds in relationships
One of the main reasons the INFJ feels so misunderstood in relationships is because
they don’t take the time or put in the trust to speak their mind.
INFJs hate feeling vulnerable, and even when it comes to their closest connections in life,
this personality type never wants to burden others with their heavy emotions or scare
people with their complex insights about life and how they want to live it.
They are people pleasers at best, and the people pleasing notion that they carry around
makes it extremely difficult to make a fuss about something that they feel is missing
in their relationship.
For example, they may not tell their spouse how lonely they really feel in the connection
out of fear that it may cause an argument or come off as being overly sensitive and
ungrateful.
Number 4: Their intuitive nature is often seen as taboo
With the INFJs dominant function being their introverted intuition, this introspective
personality type is able to easily make judgmental calls and decisions about their lives with
little-to-no substantial reasoning behind it.
While this gift allows the INFJ to be warned and guided through many of life's challenges,
it can also make the INFJ seem irrational and silly for thinking the way they do.
In fact, over 75% of the US population leads through sensing as their dominant function,
meaning they require concrete facts and tangible results.
So, when an INFJ is challenged to explain their reasoning behind their gut feeling,
other people can quickly become suspicious and may even write an INFJ off as being too
woo-woo for them to trust.
Number 5: They can easily vanish from people’s lives
INFJs can and do vanish from connections if they feel it’s what they need to be happy.
Going back to their introverted intuition, an INFJ doesn’t necessarily need tangible
reasoning before cutting ties to a seemingly genuine connection.
When an INFJ relies heavily on their need for social connection, they can be the best
communicators, but after a long streak of heavy socializing, INFJs may suddenly decide
to retreat from the social realm until they feel recharged.
They may end up completely ignoring phone calls, emails, texts and social media, and
they usually do it with an unapologetic nature.
It’s fair to think that this act can be seen as sympathetic, as it definitely can
cause friends and family to feel hurt or ignored.
They may think that the INFJ is only available when they want to be, but it’s actually
that INFJs are available when they mentally and emotionally can be.
Number 6: They have trouble keeping up with connections
For the same reason that INFJs can quickly vanish from the social realm, this personality
type can easily lose touch with old connections because of their lack of consistent communication.
Connections they’ve made through old jobs, school, travel and other friends can quickly
fall to the sidelines of priority for the INFJ who prefers only having a small group
of close acquaintances.
For example, INFJs are not always the best text repliers or call returners and they are
known to consistently postpone plans for the sake of remaining comfortable in their solitude.
This definitely contributes to their loneliness considering the world is so familiar with
staying connected through these means of communication.
Number 7: They are hesitant to attend most social gatherings
Ask an INFJ what they’re doing over the weekend and watch as they take a moment to
question whether or not they want to be doing anything at all.
INFJs are always too busy to hangout, when in reality they hurry home after a long day
of work to do nothing - their favorite pastime.
Aside from being an introverted personality type, they also have a strong preference of
what hobbies they actually enjoy over feeling obligated to spend time with others.
INFJs know that they will probably feel misunderstood and unlike themselves when put into social
situations that require plenty of.. well.. socializing.
They can easily put on a character to seem as if they’re having a good time and actively
engaging in conversation, but deep down, they rather be at home reading, writing, or binging
Netflix.
Number 8: They’re analytical nature can come off as seeming uninterested
Most INFJs aren’t exactly the touchy-feely, giddy type of friend.
In fact, this personality type can easily feel uncomfortable when it comes to normal
friendship behaviors like hugging and unnoticeably invading personal bubbles.
Because of this, INFJs can easily come across as seeming ‘too-cool’ to be silly, or
uninterested in a connection.
While simple behaviors like showing affection can make an INFJ feel well-liked and wanted,
they have trouble reciprocating that same excitement, resulting in others feeling like
they’re overstepping boundaries or even that they may be getting on the INFJ’s nerves,
which isn’t exactly the recipe for creating close bonds.
This reluctance to let loose and enjoy other’s company sets an INFJ up on a one-track way
to destination loneliness.
Number 9: They’re not their true selves around others
Some people who know an INFJ personality may be surprised to learn that they are actually
an introverted personality type.
This is because an INFJ is able to go into social-chameleon mode when in social situations
by quickly learning and mirroring the behaviors that others want to see in them.
For example, an INFJ can come across as extremely professional and proper when attending a business
event and then turn around and be the class-clown when surrounded by people who value humour
as a beneficial human quality.
Since they have a deep understanding of human behavior and how others view them, they can
easily play the character.
However, at the end of the day, INFJs can feel extremely lonely knowing that nobody
really knows them for who they are when nobody is expecting something of them.
Number 10: They’re hobbies are mostly solo activities
Okay so if INFJs are so reluctant to spend time with others, what could they be doing
with all their spare time?
Well, when they’re not thinking or learning, the INFJ is perfectly comfortable enjoying
solo activities and hobbies.
Anything from reading, playing solo sports, spending alone time in nature, cleaning and
organizing, planning and scheduling, any form of art, baking or cooking, and the list goes
on.
These hobbies are not only seemingly boring and uninteresting for the majority of the
thrill-seeking, materialistic population, but they also don’t leave much wiggle room
for an invitation to join.
This leaves the INFJ in a pickle of doing things that they actually enjoy, and then
finding people who enjoy the same activities.
The issue is that the majority of people who enjoy these solo-activities are just as hesitant
to create new connections!
Oh.. introvert problems.
Well, that wraps up today’s video, psych-os.
So, are you a lonely INFJ?
If so, comment the words “INFJ loneliness” down below and maybe you can make a new friend!
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