Are you hooking up with someone, but wonder if this could be something more?
So many people are stuck in the "friends with benefits" stage, but want to turn it
into a real relationship. How do we do that though? That's exactly what we will
be discussing in today's video.
Hey everyone, welcome back to TLC Thursday. I am your host and coach for
today. My name is Christal Fuentes, Author of "How
to be H.O.T. - Your Guide to Becoming Happy, Open and Trusting in Your Relationships"
as well as the founder of TheLadiesCoach.com. A site that gives women free
resources that can make their life a little easier. Today we are going to be
talking about how a friends-with-benefits relationship can
turn into the real deal. So many women ask me if it's possible, and what I think. First of all I
think friends-with-benefits usually gets a bad rap. I think the common
misconception is that women are incapable of having sex without emotions
getting in the way. And although that could be true to some extent, that is a
very generalized statement. I think people forget that women are also sexual
creatures, and a lot of women are sexually wired. Meaning more than
anything for these women, sex gets the priority. Who's seen Sex in the City? We
all know and love Samantha right?
"Yes it was. Now if you'll excuse me I have
another tour group coming through my vagina in ten minutes."
Truth is she's not an unrelatable character, in fact lots of women relate
to her sexual drive. Everything about Samantha was the benefits of it all. With
that said, even Samantha turned a friends with benefit relationship into
real love. Now I know this is a fictional character but like I said before, she is
actually very relatable. So for all of my "benefits" babes, I want you to know that
it's definitely possible to turn a sexual relationship into true love, but
there's definitely some things we have to know and that's what we're going to
be chatting about now. Before you turn your booty-call into Prince Charming, you
have to tell the truth about what's real and what's not. If he or she is not on
same page and you know this to be true, then forcing a relationship is not going
to work. A relationship is a choice two people make to be together, not just one.
One way you could put your feelers out there, is to see if your "friend" is
initiating any quality time with you. Especially if you're dating a masculine
man, a man will usually show his interest in someone he's pursuing. But don't be
afraid to do some initiating yourself. It's obvious you both have aligned
sexual interests, but it's important to see if you guys have shared non-sexual
interest. You can do this by inviting your friend to be a part of some of the
things you enjoy doing. If you notice this person is also inviting you to do
the same, then that might be a good sign. Once you start spending more time with
each other outside of the bedroom, the next thing you can do is get to know
each other on a real level. What does this person value in life, and is it congruent
to your values? What matters most to this person and is it something you can
support? Where does this person see themselves and does it conflict with
your own vision? It's important we get more clear about who we are wanting to
jump into a potential relationship with, because the number one thing that kills
relationships most is the illusions we create about our romantic partners. The
stories and false realities we make up in order to persuade ourselves that it's
okay to jump into a relationship that may not
be right for us. So pretty much what I'm saying is tell the truth. Get to know
this person, without getting stuck on the outcome you want. When we get too
attached is when we play ourselves, and that's exactly what we don't. You
want this person to see your most authentic self, so you know they are
falling for the real you and not an illusion. Okay so now you are starting to
spend more I'm outside of the bedroom. You're
participating in each other's interests, and have aligned values and visions. The
next thing I recommend you do is ASK. It doesn't hurt asking this person where
they see this relationship going. In fact it gives you clarity for where you could
be directing your energy. Again, don't get too attached to a specific outcome
because at the end of the day you really want to make sure it's not one-sided, and
both of you are choosing to invest in this together. Even if they don't want
a committed relationship, at least you have gotten clear and aren't prolonging
a one-sided relationship. But since I like ending videos on a high note I will
say some of the most beautiful relationships I know started from a
friends with benefits. Does this help? I want to hear from you.
Do you have a friends-with-benefits story that ended up in true love? Comment
below! Also if you've gained any insight from this video and know someone who
could use this, please share it with them. As always, make sure you subscribe to
this channel and don't miss any more videos. We come out with videos every
Thursday, and head to theladiescoach.com for more resources that can
make your life a little easier. Til next time. MUAH!