In this video we're going to talk about
tone of voice and how your tone shapes
the rest of your communication. So let's
get into the details. Welcome back. I'm
Alex Lyon and this channel, Communication
Coach is here to help you become a
better leader and part of leadership is
communication part of communication is
tone of voice. Your tone communicates a
lot more than you realized.
So let's define it and then we'll talk
about some practical applications and
details. First of all your tone of voice
is the musical notes that your voice
communicates separated from your words.
That's my own little definition but your
tone, your intonation is really the sound
of the voice as if you were to chart it
out in music. When I was a young kid I
used to hear my parents talking through
the walls at night and I couldn't hear
their words but I could hear their tone.
My dad has a very low tone of voice. He's
like DJ on the radio he has a baritone
or even a bass voice so he
talks like this through the walls. Buh
buh buh buh buh buh buh buh, like a tuba.
Can't hear the words but you can hear
him playing that tuba. buh buh buh buh buh
buh. And then my mother has a higher
voice like a little clarinet. So she
would respond no no no no no no no. and I
would hear them going back and forth bah
bah bah bah bah bah bah no no no no no
no no and having this conversation that
sounded like two instruments
communicating in a call-and-response.
Thats tone of voice, the musical sounds
and you may know people for example that
have what you might call a singsongy
voice. They have lots of variety in their
tone when they're communicating. And when
we say tone of voice in an academic
sense that's what we mean. But in an
everyday conversation in a professional
setting if someone says their tone they
generally mean much more than that.
Essentially they mean any other kinds of
vocal nonverbal cues that the person is
giving off so their their pacing their
volume their emphasis their pauses. We're
hearing all of that and we're saying
that's their tone of voice because it's
very hard
isolate, in an everyday situation only
be musical sound to their voice. We're
hearing all of those nonverbal vocal
cues together and in fact when I'm
hearing my parents speak through the
wall,
I am absolutely hearing their tone but
I'm also hearing their volume I'm
hearing their pacing their pauses and I
can tell if they're having a pleasant
conversation and or a not so pleasant
conversation as parents sometimes have.
Because the overall sound of their voice
is what I'm hearing even though I cannot
hear the words. So when we say tone, we
generally mean all of those vocal cues
combined and collapsed into one. So this
kind of communication has a lot of
influence on the way we're hearing
people's overall message. It adds shades
of meaning, adds emotion, it adds attitude
to what we are hearing. And we're often
more likely to believe the person's
nonverbal cues than we are the actual
words. So if you ask me how I'm doing and
I said I'm fine, well obviously I'm not
fine even though the text says I'm fine
if you look at the transcript. My
nonverbal communication my tone of voice
says I am NOT fine. And there's a
sentence on the internet that's only
seven words that I've been seeing all
over the place when you look at tone of
voice and so forth that I want to share
with you. It has only seven words but
depending upon how you emphasize those
words the meaning of these sentence
changes. So here it is in the basic sense.
I'll just say it's straight one time.
I never said she stole the money. I
tried not to emphasize anything there
and now I'll do it where I repeat it but
I emphasize different parts of the
sentence each time and notice how it
changes the meaning. I never said she
stole the money. I never said she stole
the money. I never said she stole the
money. I never said she stole the money. I
never said she stole the money. I never
said she stole the money. So I'm hitting
those words every time I say the
sentence little differently and you can
hear that it changes the meaning almost
completely.
Our vocal cues added to our words our
overall tone of voice shapes the way we
are hearing it. And you'll notice it's
very hard to separate tone from other
things. So I was emphasizing those words
one at a time but in each case my voice
my tonality went up on the key word but
so did my volume. I slowed down. I
emphasized, my pacing changed right there.
All of those nonverbal vocal cues are
combined when we are generally talking about
tone of voice. Now let's step back even
further and talk about how our other
nonverbal cues also influence what
people are getting from us. They might
see visual cues as well and that those
visual nonverbal cues also emphasize
what we're saying and change the
attitude and the emotion. So I might be
rolling my eyes when I say this. I might
be making a face when I say this. I might
be pushing back from my desk or
gesturing with my hands non-verbally. And
when I say this and all of those
nonverbal visual cues add another layer
to how people are receiving our tone. And
in fact I worked with a guy many years
ago that certainly had a tone of voice
issue. It sounded very rude and very
disrespectful even though he never said
anything technically rude. He had the
attitude in his voice but he was also
rolling his eyes and gesturing when
people other people were speaking and a
lot of times people would just say to
him all your tone of voice.
It's your tone of voice but I when I saw
him communicate, it was a
heck of a lot more than just his tone.
It was all of those nonverbal cues all
packaged into one kind of bad attitude
and disrespectful attitude he was
communicating. So we're hearing tone of
voice but we're seeing the person
generally as well and that adds to that
nonverbal communication that we are
receiving. A couple of checks. First of
all, I would like you to do some
practical application here. What kind of
tone of voice do you give off? How do you
sound? You might want to ask somebody
that you know and trust and you know
loves you and is not going to judge you.
Like if you were me, I would ask my wife
because she'll be honest.
Hey, honey what kind of tone of voice do
I generally have? Maybe you have a
frustrated tone of voice. Maybe you have
an angry tone of voice. Maybe you have a
warm welcoming tone of voice. I don't
know what it is.
Ask somebody. Second check for your
practical application. Ask yourself. What
does this communicate to the people
around me? If I hear someone with a
frustrated tone, I'm not assuming oh they
are frustrated with themselves. If
someone's speaking to me in a frustrated
tone, I'm assuming they're frustrated
with me. As an emerging leader, as
somebody in a professional setting,
what does your tone communicate to the
people around you? What does it say to
them? You want to make sure you're
sending off the right nonverbals to
accompany your words. So I'd look forward
to hearing your comments to those
questions, your responses to those
questions in the section below the video.
I read almost all those comments and I
respond to almost every one as well. I
look forward to taking a look at what
you have to offer in that comment
section below the video. So thanks. God
bless and I will see you next time.
Hello again. I hope you found that video on
tone of voice helpful. I wanted to invite
you to download a Free Quick Guide to
Essential Professional communication
Skills. You can find the link to that
resource in the description below the
video.