Are you in a relationship with a narcissist and wondering what do they mean when they
actually say, I love you? What do they actually mean? And what do they not mean? By the end
of this video, you're going to know exactly what's going on when that narcissist says,
I love you. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and
the bestselling author of the books Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step-By-Step
Divorce Guide. And I've helped thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and
chaos, and I've helped them step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose. And
I do the same thing for you on this channel and in these videos. So make sure that you
subscribe and you hit that notification bell. And that way you'll get notified when I upload
new videos and when I go live. So what's going on when that narcissist says,
I love you? So let's talk about first, what's going on with a narcissist period. Narcissists
have no inner sense of value. They have no sense of self. Something was broken deep inside
of them a long time ago, which caused them, in their childhood at some point, which caused
them to be broken and to see the world as a place that they have to manipulate, as a
place that where they have to try to grab as much as they possibly can from people in
order to feed their endless and black hole need for supply.
And so of course, everything they do is in that quest, is part of that quest, including
manipulating and devaluing and debasing people and controlling people and intimidation and
flying monkeys and triangulation. All of that stuff is all to get to one place and that
is to suck as much supply out of the environment and from the people around them as they possibly
can. So when they go to say I love you, it's part of that manipulation.
And before I go into the what does it mean and what does it not mean thing, one of the
things I really want you to understand and really what you'd get is that you can't take
any of this personally. And I know I've talked before about the book, The Four Agreements,
and it's four agreements that you make with yourself. And one of the agreements is not
to take anything personally. And the reason why you can't take anything personally is
because the way people treat other people, good or bad, is a direct reflection of the
way they feel about themselves. And so, don't have regrets, don't sit there and say there
must be something wrong with you, because all of that is just waste of time, breath,
and energy. All you can do is take yourself from this
place where you are right now, and look forward and make changes now. And if you're watching
this video, that means that you're ready to maybe start making some changes and starting
the process of getting educated and learning what's really going on with these very broken
people as part of that healing process. It's once you start to realize what it is that
you're dealing with, that's when you can start to realize it's nothing that you could have
done, there's no way that you could have helped these people. And more importantly, it had
nothing to do you with you. You were just part of that narcissist scheme and plan in
order to try to get support for themselves. It was never about you.
So what does a narcissist mean when they say, I love you? So the first thing that they mean
when they say they love you, is that they enjoy what they get from you when they're
around you. They love how you make them feel. And the second thing is actually somewhat
related to that. And that is that they love the way you love them. So a lot of times that's
what they really mean, which is I love the way you love me. I love the way you give me
narcissistic supply. That's really awesome to me because I need as much narcissistic
supply as I can possibly get. And I love that you give it to me.
The next one is that they love the social status they get from being around them. Maybe
you've elevated them. Maybe you have more prestige age in their eyes than they did.
Maybe you have traits or circles or people around you that allows them to feel like they
are elevating themselves when they're with you. And they love that. So that's the next
thing that they could potentially mean when they say, I love you.
The next one is that maybe they just mean, I love having sex with you. I'm really, really
attracted to you and being attracted to a person does not necessarily mean that you
love the person. So remember that. I mean, an attraction is really just an animalistic
kind of, we all are attracted to whomever we are attracted to innately. And so they
can be attracted to you and it can be very, very attracted to you, but that doesn't necessarily
mean that they love you. So that's the fourth one. They might really
love having sex with you. And by the way, if you think that you are a victim of narcissistic
abuse in a sexual way, check out my videos on narcissism and sex. I have three different
ones. And I want you to understand that being a victim of a narcissist in a sexual manner
is just part of their overall abuse. And so make sure that you check out those videos
as well. The next thing that they might mean is that
they just want you to love them. So they'll say it to you so that you will love that.
Or maybe it's that they want you to be under their web of control and they want you to
become attached to them. So they'll say it like, so that you say it back so that you
will become attached to them that you will love them.
I have often joke that nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place
to live. So maybe it's simply that they need a place to live and they want to move in with
you. Maybe they really like your place better. Maybe they don't have a lot of money and they
just want you to support them and take care of them. And they're ready to quickly move
that relationship along to the next level. So sometimes they say, I love you too, because
they want to move in with you. And they just want to get that relationship going to the
next level. So they'll say I love you for that reason as well.
The next one is that they just, they might say it because they don't want you to abandon
them. Or maybe they just don't want you to be mad at them. Or maybe they're trying to
deflect something that they did wrong, or that you want them to take responsibility
for. So they'll go ahead and say I love you for that reason.
And the last one is that maybe they will tell you they love you because they think that
you look good together as a couple. It's sort of related to the social status one. They
think you look good together as a couple. And or maybe they think that you're super
attractive and that you kind of elevate how they looked. So that's another thing that
they could potentially mean when they say I love you. And if you have seen any of these
things give me an "I've seen it" in the comments. Okay. So now let's go into what they don't
mean when they say I love you. So one of the things that they definitely don't mean is
that they love you unconditionally, because believe me, it is very much conditional. As
soon as they don't feel like you're giving them enough narcissistic supply, or another
better source of supply comes along, off they will go. Or if you're sick or if you need
something from them or you're too demanding or anything else, or if you're calling them
out on their behavior, no matter what it is that they don't like, there goes that love
that they undyingly pledged to you, especially eternal love. Narcissists don't generally,
they're not great with relationships and they're not great with intimacy and being close to
people. So that love whatever it is, definitely when they say I love you, it does not mean
unconditional love. The next thing it doesn't mean is that that
they love you for who you are. They love you for what you can do for them. They love you
for what supply you give to them. They do not love you for who you are as a person,
the essence of you, the caring about you, the feelings for, and compassion for whatever
it is that is going on with you and your life. They don't have any feeling about that. In
fact, they may resent it. So unfortunately, when they say they love you, it doesn't mean
that they care about you and love you for who you are. It also does not mean that they
will be treating you with consideration and kindness. And it definitely does not mean
that they will be putting your needs ahead of theirs. I mean, that's just the last thing
that they would possibly ever want. So if, God forbid, you happen to really, really
need them for some reason, maybe your best friend died or you're sick. Maybe you have
COVID in this crazy time on our planet or something like that, where you really need
that's when they start to get resentful, they start to actually get angry at you. And if
you try to call them out on their behavior, there goes the deflection and denying and
the Four D's. And if you want to know more about the Four D's check, out my video on
what happens when you catch a narcissist in a lie. I go all into those Four D's in that
particular video. So if you are getting ready to get out of
a relationship with a narcissist, and you're going to need to negotiate with that narcissist
for any reason whatsoever, or you're negotiating with any buddy, period, make sure to grab
my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet. Do not try to negotiate without it, it's free.
So why wouldn't you get it? And it's like an ebook basically. So just go to winmynegotiation.com
and grab it. It will be all yours. And if you like this video, give me a like,
and if you think it would be helpful for others, give it a share and make sure to drop me a
comment. And remember to say, I've seen it if you've seen any of these things or drop
me a comment and let me know anything else that you want to let me know and make sure
that you've subscribed and you've hit that notification bell. And that way you'll get
notified when I upload new content. And if you want more support and you're dealing
with narcissists and you're feeling very alone, feeling very isolated, feeling beaten down,
please come join me in my free private Facebook group called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca
Zung and we'll drop links to all of this below. I'm so glad that you were here. I'm so glad
that you stopped by my channel. Remember, today's a great day to start negotiating your
best life. So I'll see you in the next video.