-It is time to play a game of deception
called "True Confessions."
♪♪
My first opponent tonight is a multitalented actor, writer,
and comedian whose new HBO max special "Marlon Wayans Presents:
The Headliners" premieres tomorrow.
Please welcome Marlon Wayans!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Wow. Wow.
You just kind of -- Wow!
-I'm going to win this one, Jimmy.
-You just came right in. Looked Like a magnet brought you in.
-That's right 'cause I'm here for business.
I'm winning this one. I've been on this show 17 times.
I haven't won nothing. This is rigged.
[ Laughter ]
-Marlon and I will be facing off against an amazing actress
who's currently starring in season two of "Russian Doll,"
which is streaming now on Netflix.
Please welcome Natasha Lyonne!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Natasha Lyonne!
So good to see you. -You too.
-You look great. Now, here's how this works.
In front of each of us are two envelopes
containing confessions.
One is true. The other is a lie.
Once you read your confession,
the other two players get to interrogate you.
Then we have to come to a unanimous decision.
Is it the truth or is it a lie?
Marlon, you'll go first.
Which envelope should Marlon open?
One or two? -Sir?
-Yeah, what do you think? -I get to choose?
-No, I think we'll choose. Right?
-See, it's already rigged.
[ Laughter ] -Wow.
What do you guys think?
What does the audience think? [ Audience shouts "two" ]
Two. Everyone's saying two.
-Okay. -Okay.
-So crazy you think you're going to win.
-Yeah. It's interesting. -I am going to win.
I once told Tupac that he had eyes like Snuffleupagus.
[ Laughter ]
-There's no way, man. There is no way.
-There's no way that he could -- What year was this?
-Oh, uh, this was in the '90s.
I remember we had baggy pants on
and, uh, he was still rhyming like, "Hey, B, see me."
[ Laughter ]
-Where were you guys?
-Um, we was -- Where were we?
-Yeah, when you were with Tupac. -We was at Glam Slam
in Los Angeles.
That was Prince's old club. -I don't know, man.
-Glam Salam? -Glam Slam.
-Oh, Glam Slam. -Yeah.
-Was it like a tennis thing? Like with also glamour?
Glam Slam? -You know, Glam Slam.
You know, Prince, he liked -- -Glam.
-Yeah, glam and he liked slam. -Now I understand.
-So you were at Glam Slam, which is like a club,
and you're sitting next to Tupac.
-Yeah, it was me, him, and Biggie.
[ Laughter ]
I got to put my glasses on.
-Yeah, yeah, put your glasses on.
Wait, so you, Tupac, and Biggie were sitting together,
and you lean over to Tupac and you go,
"Your eyes look like Snuffleupagus"?
-How long are y'all gonna ask me questions?
[ Laughter ]
Yes, I told him -- -What was his reaction?
-I'm so sorry. I have a follow-up question.
What does that mean when someone's eyes
look like Snuffleupagus?
-This is what the card says.
[ Laughter ]
I think because he had very long eyelashes.
-Oh, I see. -Like Mr. Snuffleupagus.
And he also had really soft hands.
And I called him the Palmolive Thug.
[ Laughter ]
-Did he go crazy? Did he freak out?
Or was he laughing?
-And what was Biggie doing this whole time?
-Biggie was just -- it was all -- [ Snoring ]
He was just breathing. [ Laughter ]
-I don't know 'cause Marlon -- I've seen him in action.
He's a very popular guy, very charming.
-Oh, he is. He's a wonder. -I could see him go to parties
and I could see him actually saying to Tupac that and --
-And getting away with it. -Yeah, and getting a laugh.
Snuffleupagus-like eyelashes but --
-And yet I think it's definitely the truth.
No, I'm just kidding. It's a lie. It's a lie.
-We think it's a lie.
-I got you, Jimmy! It's the truth!
-What?! [ Cheers and applause ]
-No way!
-Wow! -What?
-No way.
-Tupac and I did "Above the Rim" together.
I went to see Tupac and Biggie perform at Glam Slam.
We was all sitting around cracking jokes,
and I told him he had eyes like Mr. Snuffleupagus
'cause his eyelashes were so long.
-Yo, that is a great story. You got us.
Marlon Wayans, congratulations. That's the way to do it.
-I won! I won! [ Cheers and applause ]
-No one ever -- First time you ever won.
No one ever wins. -Do I get a prize?
What do I get? -Bragging rights.
-This whole ashtray is yours. -Yeah, you get the whole ashtray
of fake cigarettes burning. Alright.
It is my turn. Which envelope should I open?
-One, baby, one, baby. [ Audience shouts "one" ]
-Okay. -One.
-On Monday, I was at the White House
and I helped the President tie his tie.
-Mm.
Biden old. He need a little help with them ties.
[ Laughter ]
-Alright, my first question is when was Monday?
That's what's tripping me up here.
[ Laughter ] -That's your first question?
Monday was this week.
-Today is Wednesday. -Today is Wednesday.
-So let's start at the beginning.
-What time on Monday was this?
-I was there for the Easter egg roll.
I went with my wife and kids. We went and I read a book.
I didn't even know if I was going to meet the President.
Then I met him and yeah, then I tied his tie.
-Was he not wearing a tie?
Why were in his dressing quarters?
-I wasn't in his dressing quarters.
I was actually in the Blue Room.
You have to go to the Green Room to get to the Blue Room
to get a photo with the President --
-What happens? That's where the President wears blue?
-What'd he smell like? What'd he smell like?
Was it cologne, dentures? -Old Spice.
[ Laughter ]
-Old Spice. Okay.
-No, no, no. He smelled great. -Coffee breath?
-No coffee breath. He was there with the First Lady.
And I walked out. I was kind of nervous.
I was there with my kids. He made a joke to my kids.
He said, "I don't know who your dad is," something like that.
It was funny. And then he stood up
and the First Lady said, "Jimmy's tie looks great.
He always has nice ties on his show."
And I go, that's 'cause I -- I go, "Thank you.
That's 'cause I know how to tie a knot.
I know how to tie a good knot."
And he goes, "What's the secret?" or something like that.
And I go, "I can tie yours."
-What kind of tie was -- Did you do a double knot?
A double Windsor? What kind of tie --
-It's a flipover. I don't know. -How many times you flip it?
-It's a two flip and then a push through and a yank.
[ Laughter ]
No, I gave a nice tie and it worked.
I couldn't believe no one was stopping me
'cause I knew -- You don't really see Secret Service
because they're kind of hiding.
But no one stopped me.
No one even said, "Don't do that."
He's the one that loosened it and took it all down.
And I'm like, "I'm gonna do this," and I did it.
I tied the President's tie.
And then he went and spoke to America.
-I mean, I don't not believe it is, the trouble here.
-He's Jimmy. He's going to --
I would let him if I was the President.
-If I wasn't the president.
-Now, if I was Obama's tie -- Obama like,
"Nah, nah, get up on me. We good, we good, bro."
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -But Biden, he may take the --
I'm gonna say it's real. I'm gonna say it's true.
-I think it's -- I think it's true.
Ah, it's gonna be a lie.
-I got you. It's a lie. -Damn!
-Come on now! I just made it up.
I didn't know what story to tell.
They wouldn't let me touch the President of the United States.
-Why not? -I didn't know.
It was Secret Service. -Were you even there?
-No, I wasn't there. No, I was there.
I was there. -Oh, you were there.
-I was at the White House on Monday.
But I just figured it'd be some type of story
that would happen to me. -You're a good liar.
-Alright, Natasha, it is now your turn.
-Thank you. -Go for it.
-Which one? -I think number one.
Number one. [ Audience shouts "one" ]
-Alright, alright. -I know it's season two
of "Russian Doll" but number one, come on.
-The first time I ever flew on a plane,
Marlon Brando, my close personal friend,
we worked together with on "Scary Movie 2,"
was in first class, and he brought with him
an entire birthday cake to eat on the plane.
-Did he share the cake?
-He initially did not want to.
I don't know if you know this,
but Brando's birthday is April 3rd.
I'm April 4th.
So, you know, we would stay in touch, and he would -- anyway --
-Too many details already.
I feel like you're getting a little nervous
and you're starting to give us too much details.
We didn't ask what birthday it was.
-I just wanted you to know that we have a similar birthday.
-Where were you guys on your way to?
-Oh, yeah, good.
-He was on his way back from Australia
because of [Laughs] "The Island of Dr. Moreau."
I only laughed 'cause it's your favorite movie.
-Yeah, I do like that movie. Val Kilmer.
-That movie, you're always texting.
-I always say I love "Island of Dr. Moreau."
All the Marlon Brando --
That and "Superman" are my two favorites.
-And I always say, "What about 'Apocalypse Now?'
and you always say, "It's about Moreau, baby."
-Yeah, it's about Moreau, baby.
So, you said he was flying back from Australia.
And you what? How are you --
You greeted him in the plane on your birthday?
-I like flying, okay?
[ Laughter ]
-Wow, I think this is off the rail.
The question is, is Natasha Lyonne playing us right now?
And purposely saying -- -Guys I just -- Marlon.
I want you -- look at me. -My name is Marlon, okay?
So I'm trusting my Marlon instinct.
I knew Brando too. -We knew Brando.
-Yes. -I have those dailies.
-[ as Brando ] Does he talk like this?
-You knew him -- Y'all met on the set.
-Did we? Did we?
-[ Normal voice ] How did you see him in first class?
Were you in first class as well?
-No. -Oh, you don't think
I travel first class? -No, you do!
Of course! Of course you do! -Not back then. Not back then.
-In '96 during the filming of "The Island of Dr. Moreau"!
-Oh, okay. Well, maybe.
-Wow! -Was you in that movie?
-Wasn't I? -You just look so young.
-Thank you. -Wait, so he got in.
You said, "Hey, Marlon, good to see you."
And he goes [as Brando] "It's my birthday, it's our birthdays.
Would you like some cake?"
Or he goes, "I don't want to share cake."
-Alright, fine. You know why it's weird?
I wanted to sell you on the fact that he gave me cake.
But you know it's Brando, he likes a snack,
and no, I didn't get any cake.
-So You already tell half a lie 'cause you said
he gave you some cake. -Okay whatever,
but that's not what's written here.
I was trying to make it seem Like --
-First class, he brought a whole entire birthday cake
with him on the flight.
I'm gonna say... I don't know, man.
Honestly, I think --
-That's too obscure not to be real.
It has to be real. -I think it's true.
Did it happen? -To me?
-Yes. -No way, baby.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my gosh.
Come on. Come on!
That is a pro!
That is a pro right there. That's a good one right there.
-The only non-liar, Marlon Wayans, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ] Natasha Lyonne.