Are you so ready to shut down that narcissist?
By the end of this video, you're going to have
So, stay tuned.
Hey, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert and an attorney and
on this channel, and in these videos,
I give you tips, tricks, resources and secrets
on how to shut down those narcissists.
So, if you are so ready to do that,
I invite you to subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
All right. Are you ready?
By the end of this video,
You're going to have 10 phrases to shut down those narcissists.
I like this one, because you are
basically, you're just observing to them.
I also like this one because it also helps you to
kind of divorce yourself from it, step away from it,
so that you can sort of breathe and
it puts a little bit of space between you and that emotion.
So that you are just kind of like looking at it.
You're just observing it, as if you are now a third party observer,
like it's just something that you are seeing,
but you're not actually engaging in it and
it's not really part of you.
It's just something that you're watching.
“I can see that you are upset”.
“I can see that this is something that you are angry about”.
“I can see that maybe this is something that
we need to talk about later when you are more calm”.
So, it is a great way for you to also step back,
but it is also a way to shut them down in that moment.
So, that's number one.
Number two, is a way to take it,
so that they don't feel so like, isolated,
because narcissists don't want to feel called out.
I don't want to work together with the narcissist.
I know you don't want to, but all I'm saying is,
they don't want to feel called out.
So, sometimes you have to make them feel like
we're all together, we're on the same side and
we're doing this together for, you know,
so they don't feel like they're being called out.
Even if you're not necessarily doing this.
Remember what I always say,
ethically manipulating the manipulator.
So, even if you don't feel like it,
you sometimes have to take your ego out of it and
you can say things like, “We're working together on this”,
just so that they feel like
they're not being called out on this.
Okay. So that's number two.
“We can both work together on this”.
So they feel like it's a “We” instead of a “You”.
That's number two.
All people want to feel seen, heard, and
know that they matter, but narcissists, especially,
what do they need more than anything?
They want to feel like, adulation, so sometimes you got to do
what you got to do, to give them that.
I call it bartering.
Sometimes you hear it being called
like narcissistic fluff thing
fluff up their ego a little bit,
like your fluffing up a pillow.
I always say, you don't do this all the time and
you have to be doing this strategically because
I know some of you have given and given,
given like you got nothing left to of yourself to give.
So, you have to make a choice where
you're only doing this, where you're saying,
I'm making a decision to do this because
I'm going to do this right now,
in order to get something in return.
So, sometimes you need to say,
I hear you, because you are going to get something
in return at that moment as well and
this is especially true when you are
in a negotiation setting, for sure.
All right. So, that's number three.
Number four. I like this one too, because
especially when the emotions get high, intense and red-hot,
Okay, fine, you can say whatever you want about me,
I have no right to control how you see me,
the old sticks and stones can’t break my bones,
you can say whatever you want,
I have no right to control how you see me.
So you can say, whatever and it's great
because they're starting to recognize at that point,
that you're not going to be moved by how
they perceive you, or by the things they say about you.
You can say that, I have no control on how you see me
or the things that you say and
that will kind of shut them down because
they're starting to realize that they're not getting
an emotional rise out of you,
which is the thing that they want,
more than anything, because
that's the payoff for them,
when you get upset, that gives them supply and
then that's the payoff that they want.
So when you don't give them that,
then they don't get that pay off.
So, that's number four.
Again, you're shutting them down because
you're not giving them that supply.
That is also a way to shut them down,
anytime you are cutting off that supply source
that's when you are starting to shut them down
because that's their food,
that's their oxygen, that's their lifeblood and
they're always trying to say things to trigger you,
to try to get that supply out of you,
to try to get that rise out of you, to try to rile you up.
If you want to know more about
the kinds of things that they say,
you can definitely check out my video called
“Narcissists’ favorite catchphrases”
because there's a lot of things that they say
to try to get you riled up.
The kinds of things that you're saying,
the kinds of things that you're doing.
If you're trying to get something from me here and
whatever it is that you're trying to get me to do,
it's not working for me,
so, you're not going to be getting what you want from me,
so perhaps you might want to try a different approach.
So, that's number six.
I like this.
I used to have to say this kind of thing to opposing counsels,
sometimes when I was litigating on a regular basis
like we can disagree without being disagreeable,
you can disagree with me,
but we don't have to be disrespectful.
We can disagree, but perhaps,
we just need to take this up with the judge,
I used to have to say this kind of thing to other lawyers,
but when you're dealing with a narcissist,
they love to go low,
they love to do the low blow thing,
they love to make it personal right away and
it's up to you to set that standard,
to set that bar because they're not going to do it.
You have to do it.
I mean, you don't get your goals,
you set your standards, you do and,
they start treating you based on how you've allowed that.
I mean, they have conditioned you to a certain extent and
so you have to kind of recondition them,
based on how you're going to allow yourself to be treated.
So just decide, hey, you can disagree with me,
but you don't have the right to disrespect me.
So, I want you start right now,
That's where you're going to start.
What you are saying does not align with the facts.
I don't think I need to say anything more with that, right?
I mean, sometimes they don't even necessarily care
because narcissists just lie,
sometimes they lie about things that are readily verifiable and
things they don't even necessarily need to lie about
which is pretty crazy to me.
I love this one because you can even agree with things that
aren't even necessarily where you're agreeing.
Like you can say, “I agree with you
that we are never going to agree”
“I agree with you that that's your opinion”,
“I agree with you that that's what you think”,
“I agree with you that that's what you believe”.
So, that is number 9.
Number 10 is, I'm walking away.
Number 10 is, see ya later or never.
That's really the best one.
Honestly, I mean, when you can get to a point where
you are not ever having to talk
to this person ever again in your life and
you can really shut them down completely,
that's really the best, honestly.
I mean, not everybody can get to that point,
there are times in your life, when you do have to continue
to have this person in your life,
I get that because of children or family
or maybe there is a business,
or there is stuff that's going on in your life that
it's impossible to completely walk away.
But if you can, it is the best,
if you can't, the strongest boundaries that
you can possibly have are definitely highly recommended.
I do strongly recommend a strong support system,
so join me in my free private Facebook group,
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Definitely grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
Don't try to negotiate without that for sure.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment, “Respect me”.
If you haven't subscribed to my channel,
I invite you to do that now,
subscribe, hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
Remember today's a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I am so glad that you stopped by.
Remember today is always a great day
to certainly start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.